Losing confidence & wants to quit

[plus3]

Looking for advice really - DD (8) has being learning piano for 18mths and is working towards her Grade 1. She learnt one piece beautifully but is struggling with the other 2 - to the point now of refusing to try to play both hands together. Simpler pieces she can do easily (with both hands)
She seems to have become scared of failure - and thinks that she only knows the first piece because she remembers it, and that she can't read music anymore. Her teacher says her sight reading is very good.
Many tears tonight, because her teacher said that DD can't just keep playing the pieces she knows, that we can shelve the Grade 1 for the moment, but that we must keep trying new pieces and moving forward.
She now wants to quit
I obviously don't want her first reaction to be one of quiting, but equally at this age I would like her to be enjoying the piano rather than feeling this pressure.
Any advice?

[GoAndDoSomeWork]

argghhhhhh just wrote long reply then moved to look for link and my draft has disappeared! Anyway main points were

• there are 6 pieces in each section so maybe look on you tube and see if there are any she would particularly like to learn and ditch the ones she doesn't like
  
• have a look at the abrsm practice partner app which looks fab for helping out grades 1-3 and may be just what your dd needs
  
• ask the teacher to recommend a new book which takes your dd from a bit before grade 1 past grade 1 to re-build her confidence
  
• how much does dd want to do grade 1 - there would be absolutely no shame in delaying it by 6 months or even a year. if she has progressed beyhond grade 1 by then there is no rule to say you can't just start with grade 2.

[JulieMichelleRobinson]

At that age they sometimes expect to be able to do it right away...

I'd suggest doing some easier pieces and working on sightreading, aural and scales, then going back to exam pieces. Or potentially alternatives not in the grade book if I wanted to be sneaky...

Working towards means just that - maybe the grade one pieces are a little tricky for now, they are achievable but take longer to learn, so having some quick tunes as well will reassure.

[JulieMichelleRobinson]

I have this problem with my younger students, way before grade one, sometimes. Like a sudden blank when dots aren't being joined. We back track for a few weeks.

[Mistigri]

Forget the exam for now, and have her go away and play something different for a while. Start with slightly easier pieces that she'll get more quickly, to give her confidence, and when she comes back to playing the grade 1 pieces you may find that it all comes together very quickly.

It's not always necessary to be constantly working on harder pieces - within reason, you can also progress by playing a higher volume of slightly easier pieces (and this can be more motivating and enjoyable).

Remember learning an instrument is rarely linear and it's normal to have periods where it feels hard to make any progress. This is very hard for some kids, especially those who are used to grasping new skills quickly :)

[lavendersun]

OP, we have never focused on the exam, just on enjoying the piano. My daughter is the same age and plays from 7 or 8 books, usually learning a new piece most weeks (she is very keen and plays under her own steam for at least 25 mins a day).

I would try some fun books for a while. We don't do an exam until she is playing the next grade fairly well as failure at this age would be really off putting and there is absolutely no rush.

Why not do one of the prep exams first if you haven't done those already, success there might encourage your daughter.

I wouldn't want any pressure on her either, not at all at 8, my daughter would have wanted to quit too, in an instant, if she had felt pressured.

Fun books we used at pre grade 1/grade 1 ish:

www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Kids-Princess-Piano-Collection/dp/0571528570/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413441213&sr=8-1&keywords=princess%20piano%20book&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Kids-Collection-Sarah-Walker/dp/0571528600/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Easiest-Tune-Book-Christmas-Carols/dp/0711947171/ref=pd_sim_b_43?ie=UTF8&refRID=1JQSGT8CDP05MK7FHJDM&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/John-W-Schaum-Piano-Course/dp/0769218148/ref=pd_sim_b_35?ie=UTF8&refRID=1XRF2RSG1AYWQS6A4QJX&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/John-W-Schaum-Piano-Course/dp/0769235816/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_z?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[LooseAtTheSeams]

Instead of an exam for the time being, is it possible to aim for a Christmas concert instead? School or a little recital of piano pupils? That way she could learn some of the pieces suggested above and there are some very easy but effective carol arrangements - or something from Frozen! In the lessons, the teacher could help her prepare but also work through some sight reading - for grade one you don't play hands together, which would take some pressure off. Playing for any audience, including family, helps to boost confidence.

[lavendersun]

Forgot this one which has a lot of nice easy pieces in it including familiar ones which is always nice.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0825614554/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[claraschu]

Music exams are completely unnecessary, and often destructive to children. There is absolutely no reason to do them, and they are only a good idea if they are fun and helpful for your particular child.

My husband and I are both musicians and neither of us did them, nor did most of our friends who are professional musicians.

[lavendersun]

claraschu, the older I get the more likely I am to agree with your unnecessary point at primary age, not sure I agree with destructive if the child is happy with it.

I did them because my mum taught and that was what we did then - all her pupils did them, not at the accelerated rate that they seem to be done here though and we started later on.

Having said that we haven't planned any more exams, not because of lack of enthusiasm, just because we (teacher included) don't think it adds anything right now. Our teacher is an examiner too.

My teacher's teacher's mother was a pupil of the real claraschu!

[claraschu]

Wow lavender: cool genealogy for you. (I can trace my teacher-ancestors back to Beethoven and Berg -)

I didn't mean that exams are always destructive. I just think that sometimes, even if the children don't mind, exams can put the focus on the wrong thing in kids' minds. In the long run, I think concerts and other performances make much more positive goals.

[plus3]

Thank you everyone - she really does love playing, think I was worried at the knee jerk reaction of wanting to quit.
I think the plan will be to focus on playing slightly shorter/ easier pieces to regain confidence with a bigger variety.
Thanks lavendersun for the recommendations - will have a look at those.
She did play Chatanooga Choo Choo at her school music concert & completely enjoyed playing, so maybe that is an idea for Christmas.
Maybe listening to all the pieces for the grade 1 would help - she loved CCC, so perhaps that is why she dedicated so much time to it - hasn't quite bonded in the same way with her other 2 choices. Equally don't mind shelving the Grade 1 for awhile - I just love hearing her play.

[lavendersun]

plus I hope your daughter gets over her wobble! If you only wanted to buy one book I would go for the Library of Childrens Piano Pieces, really good value as it has about 250 pages.

Lots of variety including pieces by classic composers which my daughter loves, her teacher covers music history and my daughter always feels really proud to play something by one of the composers she has written about.

[Theas18]

My 2p - stuff the exams!
Play to enjoy it - loads of fun bits till actually, by accident, she can play above the standard ..... Then, maybe, when its easy if she wants to , take it!

My only caveat would be she should still do scales oral and theory t the right rate. Maybe the scales need to be dressed up as fun studies or similar.

[plus3]

Just wanted to say that this weeks lesson was brilliant - Grade 1 put on hold for the meanwhile (her etcher has even kept the book, so DD isn't tempted to play anyway)
Plan is to concentrate on playing shorter pieces that are a little challenge, but still easier mastered relatively quicker in order to boost her confidence. Turns out she really enjoys music theory - worksheets that she identifies the notes, then plays the piece (if that is music theory??) so will do some of it each lessons....More importantly, she doesn't want to give up!!
Thank you all for the advice

[claraschu]

That's wonderful.

Also, just remember there is no need ever to do any exams. She doesn't need to do them when she is ready. I know a lot of professional pianists and none of them did ABRSM exams.