You are only allowed in if you are not an utter ARSE, by order of a poorly dragon.

(94 Posts)
HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 17:38:00

I have a cold. A proper doozy of one. I am grumpy. I am staying here, in Euro 2012 till I feel better.

There appears to a lot of left over meat pies, Doritos and Lager. I may even dust off the bar.

But you can only come in if you promise not to be snippy or mean, or I will stamp on you till you are greasy.

<<coughs pathetically>>

I am also lurgified. I am also covered in puppy fluids. Love me, HD <wails>

I too am lurgified.

And I have a kidney infection.

I claim the cup.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 17:43:19

<<passes tissues>>

Can you not teach Jas to read then he can do Gwendy Baily with Shit Slidey Puppy?

Hassled Wed 15-May-13 17:45:07

I won't be snippy - I have cystitis and am too pathetic to be snippy. I just want to curl into a little ball and sob a bit.

My poor deprived children are fighting the bit out cooking their own tea.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 17:45:53

There's no cup Fredders soz. I do have a great big teak club in case SP tries to bring Cliff in here.

You can be in charge of that if you like?

Jas and the puppy are joyfully rolling around the floor sounding like the hounds from hell. Every so often they let up on the blood curdling growling/snarling to lick each other and have a kip <blows nose>

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 17:50:30

On the bright side, MNHQ won't dare kick me out of a topic this time. They won't risk catching the LURGY OF EVIL™

Cliff once slept on my mother's camp bed

And that is an honest to God true fact.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 19:54:04

Wow. That is quite an awesome fact. Although it couldn't be any other bed than a camp one really could it, if it had Cliff in it?

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 19:54:46

May I have details as to how this came about?

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 19:56:16

can I come in?

I have greasy hair and the baby just threw up on my face as I was kissing his chubby cheeks.

you want to be me don't you!

He was doing some sort of gospel tour in the 80's and ended up staying with a minister friend of my parents'

Really not that exciting. Sorry.

Oh I misread the thread title, I thought it said you are only allowed in here if you ARE an arse...


I'll just get me coat..

AvrilPoisson Wed 15-May-13 19:57:14

Um... <whispers> you do know that this appears in Active COnvos, right?


HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 19:59:25


You can stay if your not snippy or mean. I'll not swish you.

Oh. So we can speculate that you are Cliffs love child then? sad

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 19:59:42

Can't ... Doh

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:00:25

<brings in mug of hot vimto for poor Honeydragon>

nenevomito Wed 15-May-13 20:01:50

Not snippy or mean. I've just spent the last 10 mins singing lullabies. I mean how un-snippy or mean can you get.

I'm just settling down to some Judge Judy. I'll let her get snippy on my behalf.

I'm on my best behaviour tonight.

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:04:29

Have you been on your worst behaviour then ABF?

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 20:04:40

Avril .... That's why I put a sign on the door and everythink,

Thank you Clara <<slurps>> actually that's a good idea, I might make some hot berry squash if smallest dragon relents and sleeps.

Clara grin I have my moments.

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:11:46

I have to go back to work next monday and I am already dreading it.

nenevomito Wed 15-May-13 20:12:04

Ferret is actually a little sweetie.

I'm on day 3 of a diet. I want chocolate chip and hazelnut boasters. I don't even want them when I'm not dieting, but now they seem the most amazing things in the world.

Oh hush baby you're spoiling my delusions. grin

Well i'm not mean or snippy but I've killed what could have been a lovely thread over in chat. sad

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 20:16:09

Well. You shall have to win the lottery tonight Clara.

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:18:34

That isn't going to happen as I forgot to buy a ticket.

I know Ferret is lovely- been talking to her on here for yearswink

nenevomito Wed 15-May-13 20:20:06

What did you do to the thread?

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 20:22:08

See. My sign works, only nice people have come in. grin

It's the thread about things which bring you joy and everyone was responding with warm summer's days and their children playing nicely together.

I said... vibrator.
I did put it in the handy strike-through though and then mentioned something about wild birds to make it look like I wasn't completely obscene but alas, I killed it dead.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Wed 15-May-13 20:25:08

I have a nasty cold too and am in a tizz about the appeal for DD changing schools in the morning!

I promise not to be mean though!

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:26:55

Sometimes a word is all it takes

LittlePebble Wed 15-May-13 20:29:17

Can I come and hide in here? Really sick of being ill and DH gets cross each time I honk my nose sad he informed me after the last one that he'll be sleeping in the spare room tonight blush

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 15-May-13 20:32:24


I am just back from my first day at work after being off lurgy-fied. I'm still coughing like a champion and I'm shattered. Tea and sympathy for everyone feeling poorly, and gallons of water for the poster with cystitis.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 20:32:50

Fill the bed with hot water bottles and enjoy then wink

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 20:39:14

A neighbour is sat in his car, on his drive, revving the arse out of the engine.

On and off for over an hour.

If I kill him would I get away with it, diminished responsibility caused by living near an ignorant cunt-meister? angry

nenevomito Wed 15-May-13 20:40:38

We had a lad who lived next door but one who did that in his souped up cars. We did a happy dance when he left home.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 20:42:07

I think this car is a corsa. the man is in his 40's.

I hate unnecessary noise.

I am a grumpy moo grin.

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:47:21

Shove a spud up his exhaust. And the cars' as well.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 20:48:04



nenevomito Wed 15-May-13 20:49:21

grin A corsa? Is he having an anti-middle aged crisis, where he gets a small girly car instead of something red and flash.

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 20:50:12

We had a diesel that pulled this shit every fucking morning. Thankfully our neighbours left for work at the same time of us.

He was really pissed off about it once though. We'd not told him we were going away on holiday and he slept in grin

ClaraOswald Wed 15-May-13 20:55:33

pmsl Honey.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 21:22:29

see, you were providing a service - neighbourhood alarm call!

Corsa Man is just being a big nob wink

HoneyDragon Wed 15-May-13 21:30:33

See. I don't know how anyone can do it purposefully. Dh lways amused me going "ssssssshush" to the cr when it was him making the jeffing noise!

TWinklyLittleStar Wed 15-May-13 21:34:28

Our neighbour used to like leaving his motorbike revving for hours on end, next to our livingroom window. That stopped when his wife had a baby whose room looked over the communal garages, oddly enough.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 21:36:26

maybe it's a man thing?

Trumpton Wed 15-May-13 21:45:34

I am in bed with a galloping kidney infection. Blood in wee and hot and cold. Took a sample to the nurse yesterday who said "Eww ! That looks horrible , and it smells nasty " Good job I like her. grin

Got antibiotics that are giving me cramps so am stocking up on acidophilus like crazy hoping to avoid Thrush. Oh joy !

Other than that I am full of the joys of Spring.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Wed 15-May-13 21:51:04

oh Trumpton sad

this is my 1st week off antibiotics in a month. Somehow I managed to avoid thrush, pure luck am sure!

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 19:16:00

<<crawls back in>>


Everybody nice is leaving. It's all freds about how horrible Mumsnet is, posted by people who have registered just to say they think its shit here.


I need my sanctuary of nice. Do these people not know I'm poorly?

ClaraOswald Thu 16-May-13 19:33:05

<mops poorly brow>

I'm watching Les Mis and trying not to sob my bloody eyes out. Again.

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 19:42:21

Oh god. That would send me over the edge. You'll never leave me will you Clara? <<needy>>

In other news it was Ds's birthday today. He and his best friend we're took to the Lego shop and McDonalds. They were so lovely in the Lego store they got freebies grin

I have a stoopid cold on top of a stoopidly rubbish week and yesterday I had a rotten tummy.

<Hands round whiskey bottle>

I will not be mean.

Awwwwww, nice Lego people smile

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 19:47:32

<<swigs whiskey>>

We've already got a big flat screen here in Euro. I'm going to stock the bar wait for all the nice people to turn up and then bolt the doors.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Thu 16-May-13 21:34:50

I only read the beginning of one goady thread earlier and thought I best not MN today, I may get banned.

Glad to see this thread full of loveliness (and various ailments admittedly!) still on the go.

Just watching Britain's Biggest Hoarders, it's so sad sad

I can't post out there today there's too many weird threads and I feel too sick. Kidney infection. It is grim. And I have a cold. And DD1 is being a massive pita.

ClaraOswald Thu 16-May-13 21:39:38

I've just been watching the Eurovision semi final 2.

The Countertenor Romanian opera singing cross between a sparkly Dracula and Ming the Merciless was v entertaining.

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 21:41:07

We have a house like that in the next street, even the cars are full. They have to go up the stairs sideways as the stairs are 4 foot high stacks of magazines and papers. It's frightening.

Poledra Thu 16-May-13 21:42:36

I got a bad head. And I've been catching up on work emails at 9:30 at night. And DH is watching some terrible shit on the telly. And he swapped his day off so he's off tomorrow. Which is my day off. And he gets in my fucking way and spoils my lovely peaceful day. And I've just realised I left put some washing on On Tuesday. And it's still in the machine <weeps>

In other news, I am apparently the best mum in the world, according to 9yo DD1 who thought I needing cheering up.

Can I come in before you bolt the door please?

I am so unbelievably tired. My whole body hurts. I have woman flu

I just want everyone to be nice and get along, not flounce off or bitch about everything.

I just found a load of whites in the machine. I don't know when I put them in I just know it was after Sunday. They will need rewashed. But DS just gave me stinky rugby stuff which MUST BE DONE FOR TOMORROW OR THE WORLD WILL STOP.


BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Thu 16-May-13 21:49:19

My dad has a "study" it is worthy of a hoarder program! 100's of Family History and Landrovers R Us magazines.

Drives my mum nuts!
I also have 2 day old washing in the machine! Arse.

ClaraOswald Thu 16-May-13 21:49:25

<beats HoneyDragon home>

ClaraOswald Thu 16-May-13 21:49:55

I also have 2 day washing in the machine.

LtEveDallas Thu 16-May-13 21:51:55

Hello there poorly dragon. I have rotten hayfever rather than a cold, but I reckon I could match you in loss of bodily fluids. My nose and eyes are streaming and even my ears feel funky.

MuttDog is keeping me company though, seeing as the arse DH has been in bed since eight thirty.

(Not very good company, her snoring is drowning out the telly)

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 21:52:32

I have stuff dripping on the line it can stay there
My boob hurts, I too have the woman flu. I'm knackered but can settle to sleep.

Poledora, that pisses me off too. Dh is away tomorrow and although ill with loads of stuff to do, I am stupidly excited by a Friday night to myself.

My dad has every practical caravan mag going back to about 1834 and every own your own boat magazine ever produced. And bits of computer stuff that might come in useful and some are so old they are steam powered just about.

HoneyDragon Thu 16-May-13 21:57:27


Spoke to the pharmacist yesterday. They have had a massive influx of new hay fever diagnosises. She said down here is terrible at the moment, things blooming late and crops and grass growing early or something, she said.

LtEveDallas Thu 16-May-13 22:06:17

I was so lucky with this house Honey <<sarcasm>> To the side and the back are planted fields, as well as 100 yds across the road sad. Fab for dog walking, but bloody awful for my eyes! I never really suffered till we moved here, and this year it's been worse than ever. Within a day of the sun coming out I'm wishing for rain again.

I think I'm going to have to revert to the cow fields for a while.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Thu 16-May-13 22:06:24

Frebbie - we may be sisters!

Hayfever is evil. I was suffering last week in the nice weather but it's been pissing down for days so Ive had some relief!

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Thu 16-May-13 22:09:58

Aaarrghhhh! Daddy fucking long legs! <shakes in corner>

I hate them! what's it doing out this time of year? <cries>

I actually have a doc apt tomorrow to discuss my hay fever. I'm on anti hists plus inhalers and they're no good at all.

Have you got mastitis HD?

HoneyDragon Fri 17-May-13 13:12:24

Not yet, hopefully it will not go there. Definitely a blocked duct though.

Brian have you got a catchy thingy?

I have the Lurgy too - and I have had it for over a week now, despite taking lots of echinacea and vitamins. Some bastard has sandpapered my throat, and I am enjoying a convulsive cough that strikes me out of the blue, and makes me cough until I wet myself damn you pelvic floor, damn you.

I am supposed to be singing in a concert with my choir tomorrow - we are a small group, and I don't want to miss the concert (apart from one piece that I loathe with a passion, and we can't sing), so I am fairly pissed off.

I am off in a moment to make myself a cup of hot blackcurrant with soluble aspirin. It eases the sore throat, helps with the aches and the headache, and the aspirin gives the blackcurrant a tasty tang.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 17-May-13 13:25:15

<offers Honey a hot flannel> I had a blocked duct last week, I feared mastitis (am a drama llama!) but paracetamol and aiming the shower whilst massaging followed by a massive nursing sesh cleared it. hope you get sorted!

SDTG - do you not get a sexy throaty sound to your voice, a la Phoebe in Friends? grin

DLL update - sat here nursing DS and the long legged cunt tried to get me sad

I'd like to say I was calm and ignored it. I absolutely did not scream and jump up, frightening poor DS sad blush

It is now out of sight, planning its next attack, I'm on high alert!

No catchy thing, just a cushion and a remote control to hand hmm

Trumpton Fri 17-May-13 13:26:06

Just checking back in to say that 3 days into the anti-biotics and I can wee without rocking and crying on the loo !

Now I just need to pull the house back together.

HoneyDragon Fri 17-May-13 14:17:07

Well done Trumpton.

I should not be on here. DS his party on Sunday and Hols next week. I have 4 baskets overflowing with ironing, the house needs cleaning, Avon needs delivering and all the baking, including a birthday cake needs to be done <wibbles>

Trumpton Fri 17-May-13 14:43:49

Put the clothes away un-ironed but folded. If they need ironing before wearing do them then but body heat is a fabulous iron-er.

10 minute bursts in each room, set a buzzer.

(While cake cooks )

Buy food , they don't appreciate home made anyway. grin

Can't help with the delivering.. sorree. sad

How is the poor boob ?

FancyPuffin Fri 17-May-13 14:59:48

<<Enters thread>>

<<Hides in corner>>

Hows the boob HD? I had a massive infected cyst on mine last year, twas evil and glorious

HoneyDragon Fri 17-May-13 15:51:39

<<stops multitasking to cuddle puffins€>

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 17-May-13 16:36:35

ooo Piffun tell me.more, did it ooze?

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 17-May-13 16:37:33

ffs, that's not even auto correct, just me being crap!

ahem : Puffin.

Unfortunately, Brian, my voice veers from squeaky to completely absent, with occasional huskiness - and I lose about half my range.

FancyPuffin Fri 17-May-13 16:42:12

<<Snuggles HoneyD>>

Brian it exploded grin it was like a gift I wish I had recorded it

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Fri 17-May-13 16:44:58

phwoooar bet it was immense! grin

As for your voice SDTG, that's my vocal range without a cold sad I try to emulate Lea Salonga, it is more cat-in-pain though!,wink

Maryz Fri 23-May-14 13:05:43

I am bumping this, as I'm currently looking for a spare topic for a sad friend of mine. Do you think the op would mind if Honeydragon came here to sulk?

Maryz Fri 23-May-14 13:06:20

It seems appropriate, as it's just over a year old (I only just noticed it was 2013 - maybe this is the time of year for hostile topic takeovers).

poorbuthappy Fri 23-May-14 13:11:39

Isn't the OP HoneyDragon?
Or did I just miss something? grin

Maryz Fri 23-May-14 13:13:16

poor, you need to see this for it to make sense.

Poor sad and lonely loser Honey sad

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