Personal Post-referendum Fallout

(18 Posts)
AllSeemsLost Mon 04-Jul-16 12:50:49

Please don't flame me. I'm not in a good place right now and I'm only posting here because I have absolutely nobody to talk to in real life.

The referendum has been the death knell for my relationship with my family and I'm really struggling to process the mess. I'm struggling to grasp how they could choose to vote out for irrational reasons knowing full well that my children and I would be directly negatively affected by that (currently living outside the UK). But more than that has been the brutal and callous way they have been with me since the result. This has led to me cutting all contact.

To be honest, it's not out of the blue. There's a lifetime of dealing with the cruel and bullying environment they thrive on. Many times I've walked away before but then been sucked back in. This time it feels very different. It feels final. Maybe because now there's huge geographical distances too which makes it easier.

I don't really understand why I'm so upset. They're not nice people, they've never been nice people, they've hurt me immensely over the years and I feel relieved to finally have made the break. But I haven't slept since and can't stop crying.

NigellasGuest Mon 04-Jul-16 12:55:28

It sounds like the referendum result has brought everything to a head for you. It's good that this time you feel you won't get sucked back into relationships which are not healthy for you. I guess you're upset because at the end of the day, although they're not nice people, and have hurt you loads, they are your family. So you're bound to feel really upset. But, I'm sure it will get better. You must be in a state of shock, do you think? flowers

AllSeemsLost Mon 04-Jul-16 13:04:24

I do feel like I'm in a state of shock but at the same time I'm not surprised, how they've acted is entirely true to form.

SnowBells Mon 04-Jul-16 13:09:27

We can't choose our family, but we can move on and leave them behind.

BreakingDad77 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:22:07

Similar position, to yourself, one of two of them have got some fair points I would accept to leave, but the immediate family inc wife its all about immigrants, pressure on services and that damned £350 would be spent on NHS/services.

DW doesn't see or even ask how this might effect my job (main income), any opportunities for us as a family and DS. It was bad enough after the general election with DW family voting tory (again) and complaining about their DLA/ universal credit etc.

loobyloo1234 Mon 04-Jul-16 13:27:28

OP - I'm sorry to hear that you are now going NC with your family. But your family have a right to vote whichever way they wanted to. Do you think they voted to spite you? In which case, I understand why you would be upset. But if they voted because they truly felt that was the best option for themselves, how can you stay mad at them? I would say it's the underlying issue here, not the vote itself. Please don't punish them for voting a different way to you though

Highonstrife Mon 04-Jul-16 13:34:03

If the referendum result were the only reason, then I would be very concerned about your post and (this is meant caringly not critcally) tbh, your mental health.
Given that you seem clear that this was merely the final nail on the coffin for you. Then It sounds like the right decision for you personally and that will be naturally hard for you to come to terms with.

I voted leave btw, and have been sad to observe people falling out for this reason alone. I would try to address the issues within yourself and how you feel about your family in general, and try not to focus your healing just on this matter alone , as I think it will be detrimental to you in moving forward with what is clearly a fractious family history. 💗💗💗☕️

scaryteacher Mon 04-Jul-16 13:36:16

knowing full well that my children and I would be directly negatively affected by that (currently living outside the UK). We also live outside the UK, yet voted leave. I think it's too soon to tell what the effects will be on those who live outside the UK, but as those from other non EU member states live and work within the EU, I can't see that terms for Brits would be worse then that.

Reapwhatyousow Mon 04-Jul-16 13:36:21

Politics should not come in the way of family and friendships. It should be left at the door but the world is the Devil's playground and he loves this stuff! OP, I feel your pain and I can only suggest that you keep the door open to your family whilst remaining true to yourself. I sincerely hope you find peace.

ProfessorPreciseaBug Mon 04-Jul-16 13:42:34

I have a niece and hubby and new baby living in Paris. I spoke with her last night and she has no problem speaking with me as a leave supporter.

The little one was born in France. You could say the referendum affects them.. They voted remain but are now getting on with life. They will both apply for a French passport.. And whilst at it they have taken advantage of the financial turmoil to move a lot of money from France to England.

AllSeemsLost Mon 04-Jul-16 13:48:10

No they didn't vote the way they did to spite me. They did it because they're racist and too stupid to realise that leaving the EU will not reduce the number of non-white people currently living in the UK.

I can't deal with people who share 'fuck the Poles' memes on Facebook and then gang up and have a go at me for having no sense of humour when I pull them up on it.

I can't deal with my brother making snide comments like 'traitors shouldn't be allowed to vote' in respect of my vote.

And I can't deal with my mother telling me that any negative consequences that fall on me and my children as a result of brexit are entirely my own fault because it was my choice to abandon my country.

Highonstrife Mon 04-Jul-16 14:05:05

That is disgusting behaviour towards you All, sorry to hear that. Think you have made the right decision.

AllSeemsLost Mon 04-Jul-16 14:06:36

You're right Highonstrife this isn't about the referendum, that's just the final catalyst. It's about a long family history of neglect, cruelty and whatever the word is when you stifle someone's feelings and destroy their self esteem. The referendum has just brought it to a head.

ProfessorPreciseaBug Mon 04-Jul-16 18:13:21

Allseemslost,
Just to say I didn't vote leave because of immigration. I made my decision on grounds of other factors, principally democratic accountability.... or lack of it. Please don't lump everyone together because of a bad experience with your family (who do sound rather unpleasant if I may say?).

howtorebuild Mon 04-Jul-16 18:20:23

OP have a read of the psychology of voting in this topic. It's quite interesting, basically the psychology seems to be we make a quick instinct decision then back it up with logic later.

HolesInTheFloor Mon 04-Jul-16 18:40:32

I'm in a similar position OP. Dh's employer had stated before referendum they will be moving to Germany in the case of a leave vote. IL's aware of this. They were very active leave campaigners - posters in their window, talked about it non-stop.

It's a huge fucking blow for us as a family - we'd just settled in our 'forever home', ds starts school in Sept at a lovely school and now we're property searching in bloody Frankfurt.

IL's keep telling us it's all propaganda and that we're being selfish taking their grandkids to another country.

This whole thing has had a huge affect on my mental health. I try to always think the best of people but I don't think I'll ever forgive them.

Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me OP. Just wanted to let you know I don't think you're overreacting and you're not being irrational (or if you are, we both are).

WaitroseTrolley Mon 04-Jul-16 19:54:06

That is shock Holes. How do you manage not giving them a piece of your mind?

CoteDAzur Mon 04-Jul-16 21:39:15

"it they have taken advantage of the financial turmoil to move a lot of money from France to England."

Surely they could have moved their money from a French bank to a UK bank whenever they wanted to.

Unless you mean "They changed their Euros to Pounds", in which case they must have lost about 10% and can't be too happy about it.

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