To not know how to accept what's happening?

(188 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

PeachStone Mon 27-Jun-16 13:33:51

Yes this is a post about the EU referendum but I don't want to discuss the rights and wrongs of the decision or why people voted as they did. This is about how I'm feeling and wondering if anyone else is in the same position.

First of all, I voted to remain. I've long been interested in politics and hold very strong socialist views. Im accustomed to disappointment in the outcome of elections, the Tories getting in twice was obviously upsetting and worrying to me and has been an ongoing concern with the way I feel they have treated us with austerity and cuts. But there was always the hope that a new government would be elected, one that would reverse the damage and serve the people properly, if we could just ride the storm. This feels different.

When I woke to the news that Brexit had scraped through, I can only describe my response as devastated, shocked and worried. I'd read a lot of material from both sides of the argument, Brexit, Lexit, Remain. I decided on several different points that it would be better to stay in the EU for now, get behind a movement to reform it, but however things panned out, it was too dangerous to leave now with a right wing government in place and a leave campaign backed by extreme right factions. I listened to the economic forecasts if we were to leave. I believed, still do, the many experts and institutions that lay out the economic fate in a case of Brexit.

Right now, this feels huge. I genuinely feel that the course of the future has been changed, that this is just the start and we are headed for economic ruin, civil war and potentially a world war. I know some people will be reading this and thinking I am catastrophising, have bought into the 'scaremongering' of remain, I'm ill informed etc. but whatever the reason for feeling like this, it is absolutely what I feel. And I am terrified. I genuinely do not know how to accept what is happening. I don't know how to carry on as normal when I feel like I've woken up in a different country. This has changed everything. I can liken it to a form of grief but a kind that I've not experienced before. But it's there in the pit of my stomach, fear, sadness, despair, anger. Without any idea how to move past it.

I'm not angry with the people who voted leave, I know that, like me, they voted in the best interests of the country. I am disappointed though, that many placed economic uncertainty over concerns about immigration when research suggests that at worst their burden is neutral and at best they are huge contributors to our economy and society. Every single person I spoke to that was voting leave cited immigration as their main reason although I know people voted leave for a variety of reasons. I reserve my anger for the politicians who called this referendum. I think it was too complex an issue for us to decide as a people. They don't consult us on other major issues such as taking our country to war. Why this? Why now? I feel like we've been sacrificed for the political aspirations of those hell bent on screwing us over.

I'm finding myself wanting to spend all my time on social media, clinging desperately to my fellow remainers, trying to make sense of it, understand it, prepare, hope against hope that this isn't really happening. But then you get called a cry-baby, sore loser. Or that you're unpatriotic for not being happy about this and believing that Britain can flourish alone. Told to accept it, move on. I don't know how to do that when I think that this will be the moment that historians pinpoint as the unraveling of this country, the moment the world irrevocably changed for ever. I feel like I'm watching it happening with the rise of xenophobic attacks. I'm watching and feel powerless to do anything.

It's not something you can talk about though. How do you admit that you're so frightened that you are regularly in tears? My family have heard enough, my Facebook friends have probably hidden me. I can't go to my doctor and say, 'I'm depressed because of the referendum result. It's playing havoc with my anxiety. Is there counselling available for Brexit?'.

How do you move on?

loobyloo1234 Mon 27-Jun-16 13:42:58

Have my very first biscuit

Nabootique Mon 27-Jun-16 13:46:03

Would you say you suffer from anxiety in general? This sounds like anxiety to me, it's just that you've attached it to one thing. There's nothing wrong with going to a GP to talk about anxiety, whatever it is that's brought it to a head.

lougle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:46:06

I've read your post three times, carefully, PeachStone, and while I can understand some of your feelings (I too voted remain and am gutted with the result), I think the strength of your feelings indicates that you may have some deeper problems? Do you normally get this upset at life's events? Life will go on.

PeachStone Mon 27-Jun-16 13:46:25

Well thanks looby, genuinely nowhere to turn to talk about how terrified I am. Even here sad.

Stanky Mon 27-Jun-16 13:47:00

I feel the same feelings, in that it feels like a moment in history where things began to rapidly descend into chaos. The country feels like it's been split in two, no matter which side won, there still would have been anger and division. Remain felt like the safer and more stable option to me. I now feel unsafe, unstable and very uncertain of the future. I have no idea how this is going to pan out, but I don't understand why any one would have really wanted this.

PeachStone Mon 27-Jun-16 13:47:52

Yes, I have anxiety associated with a medical condition which they're struggling to stabilise so not much I can do about that.

mummymeister Mon 27-Jun-16 13:48:05

Sorry, but either you need to get out more or you need some help from your GP.

I honestly think some of the posters on here have never had any sort of challenges or disappointments or shocks in their lives so have no resilience about how to deal with them.

Shit happens. then it happens again. and then it happens again. and you just have to say, "what can I do to make this have some sort of positive outcome either just for me personally or society generally"

if you are interested in politics then join a party and do something positive.

Also realise, that in life not everything is going to go your way or how you want it. you can either waste time and energy on being upset or angry or you can use that energy to effect some sort of positive outcomes or change.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 27-Jun-16 13:48:49

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lougle Mon 27-Jun-16 13:50:35

sonlypuppyfat, well aren't you a tactful little soul? hmm

ToastDemon Mon 27-Jun-16 13:51:25

OP I do know how you feel although after a couple of days of total shock, sadness, anger and fear I'm feeling a bit more resilient.
I'm still really worried though - not least about our future finances in what looks like a certain recession, and that's not even factoring in the social instability that this whole thing seems to have caused.
My DH is a lot more blase and wait-and-see than I am though - I am an anxious worrier and he is not.
Oh and ignore the rude, unkind people calling you a "bad loser", that's just nasty.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 27-Jun-16 13:52:12

There was nothing about her anxiety problems when I posted I apologise

ParadiseCity Mon 27-Jun-16 13:52:33

Would something practical like writing some lists help you? You could list the things you are worried about, the timescales when we will know more about each thing, things you can do - write to MP, go on the march...

flowers

ToastDemon Mon 27-Jun-16 13:54:49

What made me feel more pro-active was signing up to do a year's German course. It's likely that my DH's industry will relocate there off the back of this. So I feel like I'm making myself more prepared by doing that. Would something like that help, as well as the excellent suggestions of political involvement?
There's nothing worse than feeling helpless and like you can't do anything.

StrawberryQuik Mon 27-Jun-16 13:55:00

Hi OP,

I really think it's your anxiety playing up. I'm not British, so I had a reason as it were to get worried and upset on Friday but now it's faded to just sort of a bit annoyed and getting on with things...

My mum has anxiety and she spirals off like this over things that wouldn't bother the next person, I'd go to the go and let them know how you are feeling.

-big unmumsnetty hug as anxiety is such a horrible feeling-

Savemefromwine Mon 27-Jun-16 13:55:44

Ok so we are leaving the EU.

I totally agree with Martin from money supermarket.

We need to accept the decision and rejoice in our democracy. Look forward and unify whatever we voted.

We need to calm down and support the government to help get is the best deal we can.

Personally I think it's a great and new opportunity to shape our country.

Op life is a rollacoster and you have to roll with the punches and accept things are sometimes rocky and sometimes steady.

Don't join the drama larma brigade it's just boring.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 27-Jun-16 13:56:30

You obviously feel like you have no control over your life. Find ways to take control over some of it.

I'm saving up for the recession. I'm looking at taking different work. I'm looking at what I can cut from my spending. I'm being careful with my health and diet. I have checked my CV and LinkedIn. I even had a sudden burst of batch cooking at the weekend.

I can't affect how the Brexit negotiations go, but I can make sure my family and I are in the best place possible to roll with it, which ever way it goes.

BIWI Mon 27-Jun-16 13:56:34

sonlypuppyfat RTFT before you post so unpleasantly.

From the OP:

It's playing havoc with my anxiety

Except you couldn't be bothered to read it, could you, before you just jumped in to be rude?

Savemefromwine Mon 27-Jun-16 13:56:53

And if you truly are suffering anxiety see your GP as you deserve to be in s better happier place.

Savemefromwine Mon 27-Jun-16 13:58:43

Rabbit funny I batch cook when stressed too. Very soothing to fill the freezer. grin

ShowChin Mon 27-Jun-16 13:59:44

I'm with you OP - this result has such nasty possible repercussions that I'm trying now to put it out of my head and focus on day to day life. I did a lot of research before Thursday in order to make an informed decision, which I believed to be the right one (voted remain). I still believe that time will show this to be correct.
To disagree with pps I don't think that feeling worried about the future post Brexit demonstrates some kind of anxiety disorder - everyone in my social circle feels terribly apprehensive at the moment, you're not alone!

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 27-Jun-16 13:59:45

I understand. (Brit in an EU country here, and gutted, although I meet the conditions for a right to citizenship of where I live and have embarked on the process).

The shock will subside. flowers

Lighteningirll Mon 27-Jun-16 13:59:46

This is about your anxiety not about the referendum try to hold onto that and go see your gp/counsellor as you are catashrophising to an alarming extent.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Mon 27-Jun-16 13:59:53

If you're over invested then I am too. It does feel like the start of something devastating for our country. The things I value are being flushed away by hateful bullies who have no respect or appreciation of them. I think it may be a question of ignorance being bliss sad

PeachStone Mon 27-Jun-16 14:02:45

Thanks for the replies everyone. I am involved in politics in a round about way. My job involves getting people to take action in their community and to vote etc. but the role is coming to an end soon as there's no more funding. I'm facing joblessness in times of economic uncertainty, it's hard to feel secure in that situation. But, I will carry on as a volunteer to do my bit.

I do feel out of control, totally. I'm not being a sore loser, I've accepted the result. I know it's happening, I'm just at a loss as to how I can stop feeling terrified about it. And as some of the posts show in this thread, you just can't talk about it.

My doctors are crap btw, the answer to improving the anxiety is to control my condition but it's not so straight forward to do that.

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