If you voted differently to someone close to you, what now?

(50 Posts)
ppandj Sun 26-Jun-16 13:42:13

I voted remain, DP voted leave. We have always had very different political views and have debated endlessly, knowing that we still love eachother and it is just something we disagree on. However, since Friday we have argued non-stop, barely saying a pleasant word to one another. It's shameful! We have a 14mo DS and I do love my DP, but he is basically saying "get over it". I don't feel I can just get over it the next day. He says he is bored of discussing it all the time with everybody. I don't know what he expected?!

Please tell me it will calm down. Is anyone else in the same boat?

farageisacunt Sun 26-Jun-16 13:45:02

DH and I voted the same way.

However both of my parents voted to Leave .

So I won't be speaking to them for quite some time.

I feel they have paid scant regard for the future of their children and grandchildren. Both picked one of their reasons for Leave as 'Sharia Law'. Okay. confused

farageisacunt Sun 26-Jun-16 13:46:39

Sorry OP -I missed your point.

I don't know how I would feel if it was my life partner who had such differing political opinion to mine.

I suppose all you can do is wait it out - and hope that things aren't as bad as we think. Either that or have screaming rows daily - which isn't a good thing.

hownottofuckup Sun 26-Jun-16 13:47:15

Not DP but my whole family (except 1 other)
The only way I can deal with this is by not getting into any discussion with them regarding it. They know I voted differently and I know there is absolutely no point discussing it with them, it will only lead to arguments and upset.
Obviously it's easier for me as I don't live with them.
I have called a halt on things with the person I was seeing due to Brexit too!

Mistigri Sun 26-Jun-16 13:48:16

I talked to my Dad this lunchtime - very long-time Eurosceptic whose views I respect (not least because he was right about the euro) even though I disagree with them.

I said on another post that this referendum has thrown up unlikely allegiances and here's a good example: dad and I now agree completely on almost everything about the referendum including what a farce it was, and what the outcome is likely to be (either EEA membership or the status quo).

Mistigri Sun 26-Jun-16 13:50:21

Eurosceptic Dad also despises Boris even more than I do, which is saying something!

EnthusiasmDisturbed Sun 26-Jun-16 13:50:34

I have friends and family that voted leave

Nothing has changed in our relationship

ppandj Sun 26-Jun-16 13:53:54

Enthusiasm I didn't expect to react this strongly to it actually, I thought nothing would change at all. I feel very angry though and am finding it hard not to be angry with him.

ItsJustPaint Sun 26-Jun-16 13:56:50

My father.

I've just spoken to him and I'm fuming.

He has a second home in France which he was hoping to sell fat chance and I just can't believe his naivety

He claims it will all work out, fair point, it might... His arguments that we shouldn't have the assumption that a job is for life and that job losses have happened since time began, again fair point, but this is on a different scale.

White foreigners are ok apparently, but those who don't integrate should be sent packing.

Then the fact that it might work the other way and people want to emigrate to France... Er... Okay then

I'm just so irritated that he retired at 60 in a good pension, had an enviable lifestyle and free use of the nhs and sold his grandkids out.

I won't be phoning him again for a while.

EnthusiasmDisturbed Sun 26-Jun-16 14:11:03

It's early days

I think most people are still in shock. I never thought leave would win and I at times have certainly been swayed (by research as most people I know have been)

AlpacaLypse Sun 26-Jun-16 14:28:30

I voted Leave from a far left perspective. DP respects that and we're fine together.

He's also managed to remain civil to my mum, who voted Leave due to being completely in thrall to the Daily Mail.

One of my sisters however is showing strong signs of never speaking to me again.

Brokenbiscuit Sun 26-Jun-16 16:30:38

A very close friend of mine voted leave, after planning to vote remain, because she had a last minute feeling that she didn't want to be "told" by the establishment what to think. This is someone who never watches the news or follows any kind of political debate - it wasn't a reasoned decision, just a momentary whim.

I value my friendship with her too much to let it have an impact, but privately, I have lost a little of the respect that I had for her, and that makes me feel sad.

Inwaiting Sun 26-Jun-16 16:37:02

move on. We voted in. DP parents voted out. It's their opinion. If it was wrong there would have never been a referendum. No it didn't give me the result I wanted but there's nothing to be done now. What's done is done and we now need to pull together to make the best out of a bad situation. No on knows what the future holds.

It could of been rubbish staying in EU

It could be rubbish being out of EU

And visa versa. What is rowing going to achieve?

phlebasconsidered Sun 26-Jun-16 16:40:01

I voted remain, husband leave. I can't even begin to talk to him after our huge row in Friday night. We are being polite but I honestly can't get over the fact that I arrived to teach at school on Friday to racist anti Polish signs at my PRIMARY school and he voted the same way as twats that did that. Angry doesn't cover it.

Everything that comes out of his mouth is toss. Because what he has done is make it ok for people to intimidate kids I teach. I'm currently in the garden with my kids and he is sulking.

justalittlelemondrizzle Sun 26-Jun-16 16:41:17

I voted to remain after doing lots of research and making an informed decision. DH voted to leave. He watched one debate (I made him) as he based his opinion on word of mouth and the Brexit film filled with flowers and butterflies.
He deeply regrets it not and wishes he'd have voted to remain. We've had words.. but there really is no point in falling out over it.

Kummerspeck Sun 26-Jun-16 16:47:37

How about you grow up, move on and get on with your lives?

As others have said, there is no guarantee that either way is right. Just for arguments sake, if we stayed, Greece went under, Spain and some poorer countries struggled and the Euro went under we would be far worse off (I know people who are well educated and work in finance who think that is a real possibility)

Previous generations of women raised children through wartimes and rationing while supposedly well educated women now are semi hysterical on social media. We have all become rather pathetic sad

WidowWadman Sun 26-Jun-16 16:53:00

It's great being told to get on with our lives when people are out in droves telling people to "go home" as they feel their views legitimised. The only distancing I've seen from leavers is the moan that is unfair to lump them in with the far right, what I haven't seen is condemnation of these actions and speaking up for those at the receiving end of that behaviour.

Kummerspeck Sun 26-Jun-16 17:34:03

There are many people who are not racist and voted leave for reasons other than migration Widow who are appalled at the disgusting racist behaviour reported on social media and will condemn it outright.
If you are not present when something like that happens though there is a limit to what you can do.

MrPony Sun 26-Jun-16 17:37:35

Dh voted leave, I voted remain. We had one argument before the vote but apart from that it's been fine. It probably helps I've let him chunter on about his opinions while keeping my own to myself.

I was gutted on the morning but you have to get on with it, sulking won't fix a thing.

nightandthelight Sun 26-Jun-16 20:37:51

FIL voted leave and I have cut off contact but to be honest it was just a final straw after years of hearing him make xenophobic, homophobic and islamophobic remarks. I have a friend who voted leave and we are fine but that's because she's not a horrible person.

ppandj Sun 26-Jun-16 20:46:13

I think that is the problem with my PILs. My MiL said to me that one of the reasons she voted leave was because of all the Polish supermarkets!

DP had different reasons to vote leave. Tonight we are able to not argue, finally, but we can't discuss the R word.

JayDot500 Sun 26-Jun-16 20:59:10

Today I was snapped at by older SIL because I was talking to my husband about it. We voted remain, no clue what she voted but she accused me of putting my issues on FB too late ('where was my posts before the vote'). Even accused me of not voting confused before going into a rant.

I was shocked. I guess she's tired of the whole thing but I genuinely thought Remain would win, and had discussions with people irl not on fb prior to voting day. My post on FB was my disappointment, no accusations etc.

I have my suspicions that she voted leave and regrets it, but hey if I were to accuse her then I'd be just as bad.

Still can't believe Leave won... but everyone is learning major lessons regarding politics and consequences. I actually do wish I shouted louder now, but my husband says I shouldn't blame myself for others' choices.

TipsyandT0m Sun 26-Jun-16 21:10:45

Nothing, whether they have voted leave or remain. It is their democratic right to vote as they choose and I respect that. Fortunately, none of my family or friends are far left or right.

Hulababy Sun 26-Jun-16 21:20:46

I know PILs voted leave. I've not asked my parents but suspect it may be leave. I don't want to know.

We say my parents yesterday and I didn't ask and didn't talk about it.

We see PILs next week and I will not discuss it at all, neither will dh.

It's still too raw and our reasons for remain are so closely linked to the affects it will have in our dd, and to us how it restricts her opportunities for the future and how it could negatively affect her; their grand daughter.

So our plan is ignore it, don't discuss it at all. It won't come up by me or dh, and f they mention it we will change the subject and if necessary explain that we will not discuss it as don't want to fall out. They know how we voted and how we feel.

Best not to discuss and stay on good terms.

Hulababy Sun 26-Jun-16 21:23:10

I don't know how I'd feel if it was my dh.
They'd definitely be bad feeling and negativity.

I guess it's have to be the same - ignore and refuse to discuss any aspect of it at lol for now at least. If tell them how I felt - disappointed, upset and concerned, and that I was disappointed by them but I didn't want to discuss is at all in any form with them.

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