my dad voted leave and I'm really struggling.

(199 Posts)
BrexitentialCrisis Sat 25-Jun-16 20:38:24

Today my dad told me to get a grip and to stop worrying because everything will be fine. I reminded him that:

1. We have a government in chaos with an opposition in chaos

2. Jean-Claude junker has indicated that Britain will be presented with very straightened terms once tariffs are negotiated

3. There are serious conversations happening about the break up of the U.K. With independence for Scotland and a unified Ireland.

I'm really struggling to be around him- his arrogance that this is just a blip and that we have made a great decision makes me feel sick. He berated me for signing that petition and called it silly.

He's my dad and I love him dearly but this fucking referendum has driven a huge wedge between us.

scaryteacher Sat 25-Jun-16 20:50:42

My ds voted remain and his Dad and I voted leave. We respect each others point of view and our democratic right to vote as we saw fit.

Ds makes me tea, I wash his clothes....we have lively discussions about our choices, but that's it.

I don't think the entire government is in chaos; after all Belgium went for over a year without even having government, so the PM resigning from October doesn't plunge the govt into chaos, as there is not being for the moment a cabinet reshuffle.

Juncker can say what he likes, the Council of Ministers will decide, and already Merkel and Hollande are making friendly noises; Italy said before the referendum that they will trade with us irrespective of the EU, Poland still counts us as an ally, and they all have to work with us in NATO anyway. Juncker is sulking because he now won't get our seat on the UN security council, and I can't see France giving theirs up. I can't see that 27 nations are going to decide to stick tariffs up if they don't want to do so, especially as so many of their populace live in the UK.

Don't know enough to comment about N Ireland, but Sturgeon was determined to have another referendum (bit like the EU, go back and vote again until it agrees with what we want) anyway. It is entirely possible that the Scottish electorate will still vote to stay in the UK, given they would have to have the euro, and go to the back of the queue behind those countries already waiting to accede. They'd be twisting in the wind for 5 years.

I'm afraid I have to agree with your Dad about getting a grip.

ChuckitintheBucket Sat 25-Jun-16 20:56:42

DH voted in , I voted out, we are still talking. We respect each others decision, I wish a few more people would, the whole things gone crazy. We are all still the same person we were before this referendum. There doesn't need to be a huge wedge between you at all. I don't get that way of thinking at all.

LineyReborn Sat 25-Jun-16 20:57:53

I'm struggling.

BrexitentialCrisis Sat 25-Jun-16 20:59:57

Oh alright then- well that all sounds hunky dory! No need to worry! confused

It's lovely that you can be so sanguine about this and have lively chats.

I'm actually genuinely disgusted that my dad has voted for something that has needlessly plunged us all into so much uncertainty, division and hostility.

PumpkinPies38 Sat 25-Jun-16 21:00:57

It's called democracy. Respect other people's autonomy. You can't dictate and control other people's thoughts if your dad got upset about you voting remain wouldn't you think that was outrageous? Get over yourself!

BrexitentialCrisis Sat 25-Jun-16 21:01:44

It's funny how the people who voted to leave seem to be the ones who are so cool headed about this.

Andcake Sat 25-Jun-16 21:03:50

My dad and Bil voted leave - I'm avoiding contact as I am so angry. How could they play so fast and lose with our lives

ChuckitintheBucket Sat 25-Jun-16 21:04:20

All this hysteria is getting ridiculous.

Bourdic Sat 25-Jun-16 21:04:22

Well I'm with you Brexit - this is so huge and says so much about us - it's not a polite discussion about whether you prefer your coffee with milk is it?

TheColdDoesBotherMeAnyway Sat 25-Jun-16 21:09:04

I'm struggling too - not for the reasons you've stated (although I agree that we're up shit creek and Farage threw out our paddle) but because my dh is forrin (EU forrin, he's white and employed though so he's not one of them hmm) and my daily fail reading dad and Boris loving mum voted out knowing that we would be worried sick about an out vote because no one has stood up and said what will happen to EU nationals in the UK. I know I shouldn't but I feel betrayed. I know I need to get a grip but I'm taking it personally sad

LineyReborn Sat 25-Jun-16 21:09:20

This is huge and significant. It's not the parish council election ffs.

gleegeek Sat 25-Jun-16 21:10:20

My dad has been out canvassing for leave, got the posters and the t-shirt. I have listened to him drone on and on for years now about the dreadful EU. I refused to engage as I didn't want to destroy our relationship. Tbh I am struggling with his glee at the moment especially as I really didn't believe we would vote leavesad but he did have genuine researched reasons for his opinions (EU army, TTIP etc) so I have to respect his right to have a different opinion to me. Bloody hard going though!

LineyReborn Sat 25-Jun-16 21:11:50

The EU army?

WaspsandBeesSting Sat 25-Jun-16 21:14:14

My DSS voted a different way to DH and me. Should I throw him out?

It is a democracy. One person one vote.

He may be deeply upset by your vote.

He has a different view to you. He is entitled to that view and it was his to make.

BrexitentialCrisis Sat 25-Jun-16 21:16:06

TheCold I'm so sorry that sounds awful. I do worry hugely about how immigrants to this country now feel knowing that people voted to leave the EU partly because of their presence, despite their contributions. What a horrible time this is.

scaryteacher Sat 25-Jun-16 21:17:30

'I'm actually genuinely disgusted that my dad has voted for something that has needlessly plunged us all into so much uncertainty, division and hostility.' I think you'll find the division and hostility were already there if you looked. I am aghast that ds voted to remain when he freely admits he can see that the whole EU edifice is rotten and will collapse soon if it doesn't change, but it's not worth whipping myself up into a froth of moral indignation about it.

Brexit could well affect me as I live near Brussels, but that's part of the calculation I made when I voted out.

LastGirlOnTheLeft Sat 25-Jun-16 21:18:28

Oh come on, are you serious? If you love someone, it means you love their free will and even when they make decisions you don't like, you love them enough to find a way to move forward.

What is it with people today...are you LOOKING for a reason to fall out with him? I mean, WTF? My DH voted leave, I voted remain, and tonight I cooked him cod for his dinner before he left for a gruelling night shift, and he stroked my back and we told each other we love each other.

I think MN is crazy these last few days...so over the top and just BONKERS!!!!

LeggyLinda Sat 25-Jun-16 21:19:48

I'm in a very similar situation. Dad voted brexit and I'm finding it difficult speaking with him now. I know I'm being stupid and hopefully I'll get over it. I'm just trying to avoid the subject with him.

scaryteacher Sat 25-Jun-16 21:20:02

' I do worry hugely about how immigrants to this country now feel knowing that people voted to leave the EU partly because of their presence, despite their contributions.' You need to insert 'some' before 'people' there, as not every leaver has a problem with immigrants. Some Leavers like me, are immigrants (albeit temporary) to another EU member state.

LineyReborn Sat 25-Jun-16 21:20:53

I think it depends why someone voted Out, and what that says about them.

Mooingcow Sat 25-Jun-16 21:21:47

I think the lesson you need to learn here OP is to recognise that people in a democracy are allowed to vote for whatever they want to.

FWIW, I think anyone signing that petition is a bit silly too.

Do try and get some perspective. Step away from the hysteria all over social media. Breathe deeply. Look at the sky which hasn't fallen in. Think about other things for a few days. Don't see your dad for a bit. Or at least talk about other stuff.

It will be ok.

Or carry on making an enormous drama out of everything.

Your call.

TheColdDoesBotherMeAnyway Sat 25-Jun-16 21:24:04

He's feeling really hurt. One of his colleagues joked all day yesterday saying he's now 'illegal'. Hilarious hmm

Helmetbymidnight Sat 25-Jun-16 21:25:18

Sympathies. I'm in the same boat OP. Worse maybe, because my Dad is a ...shhh. UKIPPER.

I haven't spoke to him since Thursday...I will avoid politics, of course.

If DH loses his job though (company could well re-locate now), then it will be very, very difficult.

callherwillow Sat 25-Jun-16 21:26:23

I think it is heartbreaking that those who voted for remain supposedly did so because they wished people who were not British to feel welcome yet are unable to extend that courtesy to those who made a different choice.

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