Wedding gift cash question.

(23 Posts)
AngieBolen Sun 21-Aug-16 09:36:38

So, DH and I have been invited to an evening wedding, along with a poem about how the couple really only want us at their wedding, but if we would like to contribute towards their honeymoon, then they would appreciate it, blah, blah.

Firstly, the couple aren't having a honeymoon. I know this becuase I asked the bride where they were going, and she told me no where- they went on a family holiday a couple of weeks ago (Even the maid of honour was hmm about this and sent me a confused angry text of her invitation poem).

Secondly, bride used to me my boss. When she was, she drove into DHs car, scuffing the bumper. She absolutely refused to engage with insurers (she's a very head in the sand person, who thinks if she ignores something it will go away) and therefore it was never sorted. DH is about to sell the car, so is having the scrape/scuff repaired.

Thirdly, the bride cancelled part of her hen-do 1.5 hours before we were due to meet. It was to be a meal & night out on the town, followed buy a spa weekend. Not everybody could make the spa weekend (cost/child care), including myself. I, DH and DC had come home from our holiday much earlier in the day than we otherwise would so I could get ready to go out, so as you can imagine was disappointed to get home to find it was cancelled. The reason being the bride had fallen out with one of the bridesmaids.

Wedding is next week and DH doesn't want to be particularly generous with the cash gift because of points 2 & 3. He doesn't actually care what they spend the cash on.

How much cash is standard to give as a wedding gift anyway? Is DH being unreasonable?

2016namechangeagain Sun 21-Aug-16 09:57:29

You will get loads of different answers here.
For a daytime invite, I would give £50-100, for an evening £30-50 depending on who it was. You will get answers ranging from £10 to £300 here I think as it depends so much.

PippaFawcett Sun 21-Aug-16 10:00:31

A nice card, but that is because of the car damage. If she can front that out, you can front out just turning up with a card.

whatifwearetheanswer Sun 21-Aug-16 10:00:49

I think it's bad they are asking for money for a honeymoon if they aren't going on one. But then again maybe they plan on saving it and going at a later time.

I would give £30 for an evening invite

whatifwearetheanswer Sun 21-Aug-16 10:02:56

Oh I've just read she crashed into YOUR husbands car! I was a bit hmm as I misread she's crashed into her own husbands car

In that case just a card!

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 21-Aug-16 10:03:50

A card only, with a picture of a car on it...

Ffion3107 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:05:32

There are so many things to consider!
We went to a wedding last week, local venue and gave £50, the groom is DD's Godfather and to us, that was a lot (DP on a low income, baby due in a month)
Last year we went to DP's school friend's wedding, the venue was over an hour away, we had to book a hotel, and we gave £20.

60sname Sun 21-Aug-16 10:06:20

Why are you even attending this wedding?!

EssentialHummus Sun 21-Aug-16 10:08:16

I wouldn't go, she sounds a right 'mare.

Graceflorrick Sun 21-Aug-16 10:15:12

We usually give around £50 for a day invite and add some on if DD is invited - surely it's just about covering the cost of the meal?

RandomDent Sun 21-Aug-16 10:17:08

I wouldn't go. Or send any money.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 21-Aug-16 10:20:21

I gave £20 last time because it cost me a bomb in hotel and taxis to be there. I was a day guest.

They had a chip van all day for food so I reckon £20 probably covered it wink

AngieBolen Sun 21-Aug-16 11:07:45

DH really doesn't want to go. We also have an invitation to his best friends parents wedding anniversary party on the same evening. He really wants to go to that with all his old school friends, rather than a wedding where he only knows me.

But if he doesn't come I'll either have to not drink or pay £££££ for a taxi home.

I would love to front it out with just a card! Not sure if I'm that brave. Bride is still a colleague, we just don't work so closely now.

Danglyweed Sun 21-Aug-16 11:17:34

Ah fuck it, go with your dh to the anniversary party!

PippaFawcett Sun 21-Aug-16 11:29:46

What Dangly said. Also, loved your suggestion MrsSchadenfreude.

illstarttomorrow Tue 30-Aug-16 11:37:35

Go to the anniversary party.
If you do go to the wedding, just a card would do from what you've said.

AngieBolen Sun 25-Sep-16 22:00:38

Well, I gave her a card and a cheque.

She's returned the cheque to me, asking me to write another to be paid to her maiden name, as I'd written "Mr and Mrs X".

Should I just ignore the issue and constantly forget to give her a new cheque, like she did with the insurance?

HunterHearstHelmsley Sun 25-Sep-16 22:03:10

Nothing for an evening only invite.

GlitteryFluff Sun 25-Sep-16 22:09:42

Yes keep forgetting to give it to her.
Do not give it to her.

Why didn't you chase payment for the car damage? That's ridiculous. She damaged your car! I wouldn't have gone to her wedding!

GlitteryFluff Sun 25-Sep-16 22:11:01

And if you did chase her and she kept forgetting then I'd have told her you need payment by X or going through insurance.

AngieBolen Sun 25-Sep-16 22:39:25

She gave me her insurance details. That's all she legally had to do. She totally ignored their emails and phone calls.

There is more to it, but believe me we did pursue it as much as we could.

I'm going to have to be the better person here, aren't I!

Kel1234 Tue 27-Sep-16 13:26:32

I wouldn't like to say how much personally.
However I absolutely hate gift registries for a wedding. To me you should invite people to your wedding because you want them to be there to share your big day, not because you want a present or money.
When we got married, we didn't ask anyone for anything, and when people asked what we wanted, we simply explained that we wanted them there to be part of our day, not for a gift of any kind.
But that's just me

NatalieRushman Tue 27-Sep-16 13:35:25

Don't be the better person. You already are the better person. With people like this, it doesn't matter how nice you are, they just don't care. Just keep forgetting to give her the cheque. Indefinitely.

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