How do I address an invitation to a married Brigadier and Doctor with different surnames?

(30 Posts)
MrsPixieMoo Fri 27-Jun-14 10:12:16

I need some help with how to send a formal invitation to a married couple. The man is a Brigadier and the woman is a doctor. She has her own surname. I wanted to put Brigadier X and Dr Y on the invitation, but my DH says the correct way is Brigadier X and Dr Y The Mrs X. It looks totally odd to me and I've never seen anything like that. Is he right?

Drquin Fri 27-Jun-14 10:19:31

Ooh never seen it like that before. Debretts ought to be your friend for specifics like this smile

But, without getting all feminist-y about it, surely your DH is making a presumption that the lovely lady doctor has taken a conscious decision to be known professionally as Doctor X and personally as Mrs Y .... When she may not.

Drquin Fri 27-Jun-14 10:20:24

Sorry got my Ys and Xs the wrong way around!

TooSpotty Fri 27-Jun-14 10:21:48

Your husband is talking rubbish! You're quite right, in as much as it matters.

Chocotrekkie Fri 27-Jun-14 10:23:10

Can you just use their first names ?

<< easy way out here >>

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 27-Jun-14 10:23:13

Surely Brigadier X and Dr Y is fine? Why adding the Mrs X part?

dotty2 Fri 27-Jun-14 10:23:54

'Correct' is not set in stone but changes as habits and customs change. I do not use my husband's name and fume when people address us as 'Dr and Mrs x'.

PetulaGordino Fri 27-Jun-14 10:24:46

oh god don't add the mrs part. it's like the queen's honours list

CMOTDibbler Fri 27-Jun-14 10:25:34

If they are known as Brigadier x and Dr y, then that is the correct way to address them. I would be very annoyed to have Mrs Hisname put after my actual name

Youdontneedacriminallawyer Fri 27-Jun-14 10:25:37

Do you need the titles at all? Isn't that a bit prententious? How about Mr X and Mrs Y, or Mr and Mrs X, if she uses her married name for things other than work?

My doctor mother never uses the title Dr outside of work.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer Fri 27-Jun-14 10:26:55

Or just Sally and Jim, if you know them well enough to invite them to a wedding.

Efferlunt Fri 27-Jun-14 10:26:56

It might be correct but it would annoy her I think if she's yaken a decision to use her own name. Stick with want you were going to do already.

Hassled Fri 27-Jun-14 10:27:53

That "The Mrs X" part looks just mad and completely unnecessarily. Possibly Queen Victoria would have approved, but if I were that Dr Y I'd look at it and think WTF.

ElizabethMedora Fri 27-Jun-14 10:29:03

I hate the idea that there is a 'correct' way to address people that supersedes what their name is & what they want to be called. I am Ms E Medora, that is the correct etiquette because that is my name take note in laws!

In this case I would address to Brig X and Dr Y.

ElizabethMedora Fri 27-Jun-14 10:31:39

Incidentally my IL are very into addressing formally & they have never sent me anything addressed like that, Dr Dhname & Ms Medora the Mrs Dhname I mean, but then they deny I have kept my own name so I suppose they wouldn't!

AuntieStella Fri 27-Jun-14 10:32:08

If you know what names/styles eh prefer them you use them.

But many military people really do not like their rank being used on correspondence sent to their civilian address. Do you know his security/privacy preference for that?

So I would go for Mr X and Dr Y on the envelope. And John and Jane on the invitation, or Brig X and Dr Y (or Brigadier X and Doctor Y)

OryxCrake Fri 27-Jun-14 10:32:58

Another vote for Brigadier X and Dr Y. The Mrs part would be superfluous and strange, plus as others have said, she may not use Mrs or his name anyway.

AuntieStella Fri 27-Jun-14 10:34:58

Surely if you write Brigadier in full, you should also write Doctor in full?

Or abbreviate both?

LoonvanBoon Fri 27-Jun-14 10:41:51

What's the abbreviation for Brigadier? Purely out of interest - don't actually know any!

I definitely wouldn't add the Mrs X bit either - sounds dreadful, whatever an etiquette guide may say. Just use their titles - Brigadier & Doctor & own surnames.

LoonvanBoon Fri 27-Jun-14 10:42:21

Is it just Brig.?

Chapsview Fri 27-Jun-14 11:04:13

You say it is a formal invitation so obviously ignore the posters that suggest first names. Also abriviations are out.
Unfortunaltely JSP 101 (Defence writing handbook) no longer gives guidance on Invitations etc but i would go with Brigadier X and Doctor Y. I think the "The Mrs X" is in fact probably correct but just a wee bit too dated.

Chapsview Fri 27-Jun-14 11:04:46

It is just Brig

MrsPixieMoo Fri 27-Jun-14 11:33:30

Thank you all so much. I'm really touched so many people have responded. To those that suggested DeBretts, unfortunately the only joint address form they have is for couples with the same surnames. This couple lives in a forces married quarter so I don't think security is a big issue when using his rank. I thought 'The Mrs' looked a bit bonkers so it's really good to have your backing. I'm going for Brig X and. Dr Y, though was tempted to have Dr Y and Brig X, The Mr Y, wink

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 27-Jun-14 13:23:40

Haha, tbh, if Dr Y is your friend (and Brig X is invited as a partner of friend), then I'd go with Dr Y & and Brig X grin

But then I'm all against traditions that put women after men. I'm in the camp that traditions change with time. We no longer do things like our ancestors do 50, 100 or 500 years ago.

TooSpotty Fri 27-Jun-14 14:45:19

Has anyone ever written 'The Mrs'? Seriously? I work in about as formal a place as it's possibly to be and have never come across that. It sounds laughable.

I get addressed by my husband's surname by his family, my family, and my fucking employers.

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