Some family children invited to child free wedding-but not mine.

(139 Posts)
EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 13:56:16

Hello,
Too scared to put this in AIBU but I have been invited to a family wedding.
My sister's children have been invited to the wedding as of course are the bride and grooms children. Bride and groom siblings children are invited. My children are not. [Sister is closer to bride and groom than me but we have all known each other all our lives and see each other at least once a year]. So my two children will be the only cousins not invited. Apart from children listed wedding will be 'child free'.

I am very upset and am planning to decline invitation politely, without stating the reason and still wishing them a great day. People will know why though as I cried at Sunday lunch over it in front of my parents.
They want me to 'man up' and go on my own leaving children with dh.
I am too hurt for this and dh not keen on option either. I would see my nephews and nieces playing together at wedding while mine are excluded.
So- etiquette wise, is a polite decline [in writing, sent by post] acceptable?
Am I just being bit immature and need to just get over myself and go?

A polite decline is fine if that's what you want to do.

VerySmallSqueak Tue 03-Dec-13 14:00:27

I would decline politely AND let them know the reason.

I can understand why you are upset,and I think this is incredibly insensitive of them.And rude tbh.

I know,I know - others will say it's their wedding,their rules.
But it's your kids,your rules.

Have a nice family outing that day instead - with the money you would spend on clothes,etc,go out and have fun WITH your kids!

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:01:15

Thank you. That is what I will do.
Not going to be happy if I go [though if truly a child free wedding I would have really enjoyed it], and probably best to lick wounds in private.

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:01:50

Thank you both of you.

I agree, your suggestion is fine. Obviously it's up to the bride and groom which children they invite and they must have realised there was a chance you'd be upset by the exclusion of your children. And I think you're right not to say why you're not coming. However, be prepared for them to ask directly and that's where it gets difficult! You can't say you're doing something else that day as half your family will be there on the day and you can't expect them to lie for you...

TheCurseOfFenric Tue 03-Dec-13 14:02:23

You are not being immature.

We were invited to a child free wedding back when dc1 was a toddler. A close family wedding, so we travelled ot the other end of the country, organised a hotel, took a friend with us to babysit.

Got to the wedding and there were loads of otehr children there, and like you, it marred it all, tbh. We were sat on a table with children ('because you'll be patient, as you have one' hmm), and all we got was a quick hissed 'I didn'knwo how to tell you, but they all had trouble finding babysitters' hmm hmm

a polite decline is fine. it doesn't matter if others know why - if you can't or don't want to go, then that is all there is to it.

Or could you say that with all your family at the wedding, you'll have nobody to look after your DCs?

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 03-Dec-13 14:04:40

All children welcome = fine
Family children only = fine
Tiny newborns only = fine
No children at all = fine
One set of siblings dcs invited but not the others = not fine.

If I were you, Id be wondering if my DCs were badly behaved and that was why.

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:06:31

Feeling less of a drama queen now. My refusal will cause ructions but so be it.
TheCurseofFenric, one suggestion was that we all go to wedding [miles away] dh goes out for day while I go to wedding. But it would be hard for me to do that with grace and charm. I think if you I may have growled...

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:07:15

My children are not badly behaved [if I say so myself]!

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 03-Dec-13 14:07:31

Could tgey maybe have a problem with your dh and are trying ti engineer a situation where he has to stay away?

missinglalaland Tue 03-Dec-13 14:07:49

Um, I think I am getting confused reading this. Is it your brother or sister getting married?

If it were one of my siblings, I'd ask what was going on. I'd assume that there had been an over site, and I would call just be sure. If dear sibling then said anything other than "gosh sorry! mistake with the invitations! so much going on, blah blah blah," I then I would decline with as much dignity possible.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 03-Dec-13 14:08:21

Not saying they are OP, justsayibg thats what I would worry if I was half invited somewhere

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:08:49

It is because of numbers. Just feel like the 'C' list cousins.

VerySmallSqueak Tue 03-Dec-13 14:09:00

My refusal will cause ructions but so be it.

Their lack of extending the invitation to your children caused upset,but it didn't stop them.

i don't think I'd even bother with the dignity. I'd be so pissed off that there would be many suggestions of where they could poke their invitation.

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 03-Dec-13 14:10:24

You only see your cousin once a year - how often does your sister see them?

MrPoppy Tue 03-Dec-13 14:10:48

and the wedding is miles away?
I'd be inclined to decine.

MrPoppy Tue 03-Dec-13 14:11:20

...decline, that is.
(yanbu)

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 03-Dec-13 14:11:22

OH, hang on, I assumed it was your sibling gettibg married! is it?

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:11:44

My cousin getting married [sorry I may have confused with my op].
I think my husband maybe considered boring [computer geek] but he is not offensive.
Just think we are just less exciting than my sister. My children being treated as second rate though I just find hard to stomach.

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:13:19

My sister sees them more often as live closer.

EmeraldJeanie Tue 03-Dec-13 14:14:43

My initial reaction was suggesting horrible things for my dear cousin to do with himself!!
Then I got upset.

expatinscotland Tue 03-Dec-13 14:15:03

Politely decline and leave it at that. It doesn't work for you and your family, so send a card and keep the hows and why to a minimum.

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