Wedding Guests

(9 Posts)
Wishwehadgoneabroad Fri 05-Apr-13 09:58:49

Just had a bit of a hmm and wondered if it was just me..

Small wedding, as in very small. Basically just a meal after the church.

Have sent invites. Just received an RSVP.

Invite was to Aunty and Uncle of DH..

RSVP says..Aunty would be delighted to come, but it's not Uncle's thing, so I will bring 8 yr old son instead.

Now I know the old are children invited or not is a hot potato on here, but surely you can't just assume that you can bring someone else instead of a named person on the invite?!

If it had said Aunty + Guest, fair enough.

The main issue I have is that all of our friends who are invited have children, and we have specifically said no kids which all of them are fine with (at least openly!) and have said they're looking forward to an adult afternoon.

I don't want to make one exception for a family member (who incidently, also has special needs, not that I have an issue with this, but he is very high maintenance, and highly likely to cause some disruption to the afternoon)

We envisaged a lovely, calm, child free afternoon. I can see that my friends would be very hmm to see one child there, when theirs have been excluded (might also add have only met this 8yr old and uncle and aunty once, barely know them) - their children who are super and I love to bits..BUT don't want there just for one afternoon!

Etiquette please - is it ok to reply back and say, sorry, it's not ok for you to substitute the invitation? I shall reallocate the seat to my next guest on the reserve list...

ThedementedPenguin Fri 05-Apr-13 10:06:15

I would reply explaining that it is a child free wedding, therefore her son cannot come.

But maybe in a nicer way than that.

I've never heard anyone do this. Although my experiences of weddings is very small.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Fri 05-Apr-13 10:07:03

OH. and just to add, wedding day is on a school day. All the kids should be in school. I'm not trying to cause upset/hardship to anyone trying to get childcare etc. As said, very small wedding ceremony plus short meal. So not too sure why she is insisting on bringing him really? hmm

I think the "it's not Uncle's thing" is weirder!!

I am wondering if it's an issue around your cousin's special needs instead. Maybe he can't be left with anyone else?

See, this wouldn't really happen in my family as my parents would speak to their sibling fairly regularly on the phone so wedding plans would have come up in conversation and my mum or dad would have been able to suss the reason and advise against it. Could your mum or dad (whosever sister it is) talk to your auntie about it and say he will be the only child there and so might feel a bit odd about it?

Also with regards to your friends being hmm about one child allowed bit not theirs, well, can't you discuss it with them beforehand? Ie have a moan to them about how awkward it is as she's just presumed she can bring him along?

Wishwehadgoneabroad Fri 05-Apr-13 10:23:13

curly Yes, I thought when I first saw, oh it might be because he can't be left, and then I remembered, no! The wedding is on a school day! He'll be perfectly safe and happy in his class.

Wishwehadgoneabroad Fri 05-Apr-13 10:26:10

..and of course i could speak to my friends, but as I said, they'd said 'Great, child free afternoon'..except of course, it wouldn't be. he'd be running around like the whirlwind he is!

rubyrubyruby Fri 05-Apr-13 12:09:39

I would speak to the Aunt and say that you are really looking forward to seeing her and totally understand Uncles reason for not attending (hmm) you are concerned that her DS will be very bored as he will be the only child there and you have not specifically catered/arranged entertainment for children?

Firstly, she may not realise he will be the only child and could be embarrassed on arrival and secondly - she may take the hint wink

thermalsinapril Sun 14-Apr-13 20:43:44

Reply and say what a lovely idea but unfortunately it won't work as there will be no children at the wedding.

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