Have thank you cards (or any thank you) gone out of fashion - weddings

(19 Posts)
bacon Fri 19-Oct-12 18:54:43

I am really shocked, I wouldnt dream of not doing thank you notes/photo after a wedding/special celebration. This seems to be the fashion, the B&G ask for money, provide a postbox but thats it, nothing after. Surely this is basic manners? The last wedding we went to was a large expensive affair and the B&G werent youngsters.

Same goes for birthday gifts - why do people think its ok to pop a note on FB to say thanks as a general note?

We sent thank you cards to everyone, except one of MIL's friends because MIL decided to 'vet' the card before giving it to her (she wouldn't give us her address) and decided we hadn't written enough confused.

OTOH I don't think we've had a thank you for many of the presents we've bought people.

VerityClinch Fri 19-Oct-12 19:01:28

I ALWAYS send thank you cards. I rarely receive any, and those that I do receive tend to be from very close friends who have probably already said thank you in person/phone/text already anyway.

I had to pull out of a friend's wedding at very short notice (ill baby), we had already made a generous donation to their honeymoon fund. On the day of the wedding I topped it up by what I estimated we would have spent on train/cabs/drinks etc and sent a huge grovelling apology.

Haven't had a thank you card.

BeaWheesht Fri 19-Oct-12 19:05:09

We did loads of thank yous for our wedding And new baby presents and still do them for Xmas and birthdays but I definitely think its a dying art! I don't mind a text / fb thank you it's when you post something and don't even find out if they've got it that really pisses me off!

Otoh I don't do than you notes for whole class parties - I feel bad about it but don't want ds to Han them out at school and it be obvious who didn't get him a present iykwim? I've done thanks for coming before but it seemed a bit contrived tbh

scaevola Fri 19-Oct-12 19:07:09

I'd always send a proper thank you letter.

It undermines the normal exchange of social capital not to thank people properly. In person or by letter is normally best. Cards are OK. Electronic means only if you are sending the message to someone under 25, or for trivial items.

Pascha Fri 19-Oct-12 19:08:22

We got a thank you letter this week following a wedding only 3 weeks ago. Its just good manners.

victoriaplum01 Sat 27-Oct-12 23:50:38

I think thank you notes are good manners and I can't bear wedding thank-yous along the lines of the pre-printed "Dear x [insert name], thanks for the x [insert present]. From x." This would be OK for a child who can't write much, but I find it insulting from an adult, especially if I've spent a fair amount on the present! My SIL chased my MIL when she hadn't received a thank you card from DH and I 4 weeks after our wedding...15 years later and I still haven't received a thank you card for the wedding present I gave her (not that I hold grudges, much!).

I hand write proper notes for presents given to my DCs, especially for elderly relatives or people who have taken the trouble to post a present, although I do have a rule with family and close friends that a face-to-face thank you means a written thank you isn't necessary. Shame my SIL doesn't operate the same policy with her DCs hmm

utopian99 Sun 28-Oct-12 09:39:05

I always send thankyous and we hand wrote them for all our wedding guests.. The thing that surprises me is after attending someone's wedding, if 'hosted' (paid for) by anyone other than the couple themselves, it used to be customary to write to thank the hosts, which again I always do, yet this seems to be a surprise, albeit received well, for a lot of our recent friends parents who helped host their weddings. Also only 3 people my age who came to our wedding wrote to thank my parents, which I felt awful about, but maybe it's taken for granted these days..

yummymummytobe1 Thu 15-Nov-12 15:14:04

It would be the height of poor taste and bad manners not to thank people for their gift/time. I always send an invitation with a RSVP/envelope with stamp. Then 10 days before an event I send a confirmation and then post event I send a thank you card within 2 days. If it is dinner or a party then I always send flowers and wine the morning of the event. It is just good manners.

It goes without saying that things should be handwritten and never of the mass produced type,

ClareMarriott Thu 15-Nov-12 15:43:40

Yes, what happened to wedding invitations being sent out, you respond by letter to say if you can or can not come and then after the event, a letter to the mother acknowledging the invite again, saying the bride looked lovely, lovely day etc etc

stinkinseamonkey Thu 15-Nov-12 15:45:59

How long has it been? I've had written thank yous for most of the weddings I've been to and sent them after mine, I don't expect them to be promt though, particulalry after a wedding

The last wedding I should have attended was in September. I was on holiday but DH went with DCs and vouchers (as politely requested). No thanks yet.

jessjessjess Wed 02-Jan-13 02:20:17

We sent thank you cards.

I have not had a thank you from one friend's wedding and am really hacked off about it!

bacon Mon 25-Feb-13 23:36:57

Do you know I dont think I've received a thank you note for the last few weddings? Nothing at all from the wedding in the summer and we are talking £20k touch. Spending all that money fancy save a date, order of service, menus but no cards. It is nice to have a photo card even if you've knocked it out yourself on the printer.

Surely, it not £5 gift vouchers we are talking £50 - £100 gifts/vouchers. Dont people keep a note what came off who? Its all a bit odd really.

superbagpuss Sun 24-Mar-13 19:30:32

we sent thank you cards for our wedding (although they were not all beautifully hand written, but each was personal to the gift giver). Also I thank people personally somehow for presents for me or my children and when they are old enough I will teach them the same. I like to recieve thanks for prsents sent in post for childrens presents as it means they arrived, and to be fair most of my friends and family are keeping the tradition alive.

gwenniebee Sun 24-Mar-13 19:35:06

It is simply bad manners not to acknowledge gifts of any sort.

We received a thank you note this week from a wedding in September. It was a pre-printed photo card.... now, I know it's better late than never, but I was somewhat hmm that it had taken six months to organise an impersonal note....

Speaking of which, I owe a note for something from last Tuesday so should stop faffing on mn!

Hulababy Sun 24-Mar-13 19:38:30

This year DD only sent actual thank you cards to great grandparents and then anyone she had not seen to thank in person. We used a postcard app though and the message was typed, though she did do it herself, and we included a photo too. In past we have often done them to everyone, mix of typed and written.

We don't often receive thank you cards/letters back ourselves I have to say.

For a wedding I think thank you cards/letters are essential. There just isn't time on the day to open the gift and then thank in person too.

KLou111 Sun 24-Mar-13 19:40:37

We sent thank you cards to everyone, and also some wedding cake, it is definitely only manners to do so. However I don't think we've ever received more than one!

Gales Sun 24-Mar-13 19:46:53

The last wedding I went to was a very young (fashionable) couple who's wedding was beautifully done on a very tight budget. Lovely venue, but mid week, chain store dresses lovingly altered by grandmother, flowers from bride's mother's garden, favours were beautiful shortbread hearts made and iced by bride's sister, pianist was bride's brother, no fancy cars....

Within a week we had a very good quality thank you card with two pages of personal thank you. I was very impressed.

Generally speaking I send/expect a thank you note if you haven't said a personal thank you at the time. I haven't ever done them for DCs parties though and in 12 years of having DCs have only ever received two.

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