Funeral Etiquette and Protocol

(11 Posts)
bumblebeader Wed 20-Jun-12 07:40:12

My dear mum-in-law passed away yesterday. I have been fortunate enough not to have to attend a funeral in the 15 years I have lived in the UK nor lost anybody close to me, and in the US (where I'm from) funerals I believe are slightly different.

My question is (1) do I wear all black to the funeral? I obviously wouldn't wear red or anything bright! (2) How do we notify people about her death? We are ringing family and close friends, but what about others who are further afield who probably won't attend the funeral but would want to know about her passing? Do we send a letter or is there some sort of card we can send?

Thank you for any help. Any other advice appreciated. It's hard to think about all this stuff when you are in the midst of it.

AnitaBlake Wed 20-Jun-12 07:50:02

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Black is usually the primary colour at funerals, unless the deceased has requested otherwise. It doesnt have to be strictly all black though. For close family and friends I have often worn their favourite colour, or an item they always admired or commented on. For example when my grandma died I wore a black suit with a yellow top she'd always loved underneath.

Usually you would put an announcement with details of arrangements, in the local newspaper. Your funeral director will help you with the wording.

HappyCamel Wed 20-Jun-12 07:50:22

In the uk people where muted colours. It depends on the family whether it's black. In mine my grandmother used to say "only gypsies and royals where black" so I wore a maroon trouser suit for my grandad's and this dress for the last one. It depends on the family though, in some everyone will be in black.

We send a card with a funeral invite, usually a simple one saying something like "we're sad to inform you that x passed away on y. The funeral will be held at a with a gathering afterwards at b." Other than that, as you say, close family and friends know by phone and anyone else it just comes up in conversation.

So sorry that you're going through this.

Sirzy Wed 20-Jun-12 07:54:22

Sorry for your loss.

We tend to phone everyone to let them know, or when talking to one person ask them to inform x,y and z if they weren't as close. An annoucment in the local paper (or local paper where they spent a lot of time) can help ensure people are informed to.

Moomoomie Wed 20-Jun-12 07:56:12

I'm so sorry for your loss.
When my father died the funeral director placed a notice in the local paper and also The Times, as he used to work in London.
I did not wear black to his funeral but have worn black to others, if you feel your MIL would not have wanted people to wear black, you can write it in the notice.
Your funeral director will be able to advise you.

Sirzy Wed 20-Jun-12 07:58:56

Also something else worth thinking about is will you want everyone to bring flowers to the funeral (if they want of course) or would you as
A family prefer it to be only family flowers with other people donating to a charity you think your MIL would have liked.

ZillionChocolate Sun 24-Jun-12 20:40:52

The co-operative funeral website has a lot of helpful information.

ItStartedInRome Mon 24-Jun-13 19:42:45

If you are being traditional - It is the done thing to wear a black suit and hat. Any blouse or shirts to be white. Jewellery should be pearls.
Less formal - dark colours or all black including shirts. No hats.
Hope that helps. Sorry for your loss.

kitbit Mon 24-Jun-13 20:08:55

Usually invites are word of mouth and the family doesnt expect rsvp's. catering can be tricky as a result, but you can udually get a feel for how many are coming and many places will bring out x sandwiches (or whatever!) and be ready to rush out more if they all go.

Notices go in the paper, and anywhere else like clubs, choirs, church clubs etc.

Sorry for your loss, hope the funeral goes ok x

cloudskitchen Tue 23-Jul-13 12:00:25

Hi there. so sorry for your sad news. when my mum died I wore a baby pink coat to her funeral (chilly Feb) I past it in a shop and just decided that it felt like the right thing to do. I suppose nobody could comment or disapprove because she was my mum. I also think my mum would have appreciated the gesture. go with what you think is right. if it is formal funeral wear then grey or navy would also be acceptable in my opinion.

cloudskitchen Tue 23-Jul-13 12:01:13

sorry I have just realised how long ago you posted this. I hope it went well x

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