Yet another wedding thread...

(9 Posts)
CharminglyOdd Mon 27-Feb-12 13:52:28

...a friend from school has invited me to her wedding. It seems they aren't having a reception, just the ceremony and a disco afterwards with a five (!) hour gap in the middle. They take place in two separate rural locations and I know there is nothing to do nearby. I was generally excited about a wedding at the time and I do like celebrating the actual ceremony with friends but it will be an expensive trip to sit in a car for five hours in the middle of nowhere, all dressed up.

Is it rude to reply and accept for the ceremony but not the disco? Or, having received the 'save the date' note months ago is it now okay to say we can't make it? We are not especially close and I know I am (at the least) b-list whilst DP's name was squeezed into the edge of the card after mine had filled the space grin so I doubt we'll be missed. OTOH I don't want to cause offence as we do vaguely keep in contact on facebook.

I received the formal invite a week before the RSVP deadline and my dithering means I have now overshot it by several days so I do need to reply today or tomorrow. I've never turned down a wedding invite, wholly or partially, before (not had that many!) so don't know what to write.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Mon 27-Feb-12 13:56:43

if she's not a great friend, absolutely, say yes to wedding, no to disco. No need to explain why - she should be able to work it out. Enjoy.

TobyLerone Mon 27-Feb-12 13:58:50

They probably are having a reception, it's just that you aren't invited to it.

I'd turn it down, tbh. She'll probably be relieved at having two fewer to pay for at the buffet.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 27-Feb-12 13:58:51

I suspect that there is a reception, but that you aren't invited to that part, which is very rude IMO when you have got to travel a long way.

I would decline.

Gumby Mon 27-Feb-12 14:02:01

are you staying overnight
could you relax in your hotel room for those 5 hours?
or just go to the disco

I was once invited to a wedding like this
we saw the couple get married, them me and all my friends went to a pub for lunch while the family had a wedding breakfast
then we all went back to the wedding venue for the disco
it was fine and even better we missed all the speeches grin

CharminglyOdd Mon 27-Feb-12 14:05:00

Yes, having looked at their website there is a sit-down reception prior to the evening, which is absolutely fine as I know how expensive weddings can be (worked in the wedding industry for a few years). TBH if there was something to do nearby (a friend had a similar situation and held hers in a city) I wouldn't mind it's just twiddling my thumbs for five hours is not ideal grin

I think I'll decline the whole thing (it's at least £100 in travel costs) and send her a card and a small cheque (they want honeymoon contributions) for the day. Thanks for your help!

CharminglyOdd Mon 27-Feb-12 14:07:17

Gumby, I'd be staying at my parents', which is a drive from the wedding and the venue (they are in opposite directions, in a triangle). I did have two friends who went for lunch with their parents for their wedding and we all decamped to the pub and met them later and it was great - they were much closer friends though and I don't know anyone else at the wedding.

maybenow Mon 27-Feb-12 14:10:05

if there's nowhere nearby for a lovely big pub lunch then just decline the disco invite.. no worries..

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Mon 27-Feb-12 14:11:05

Oh, if she's making you sit around in the middle of nowhere and not offering you a meal then absolutely skip it.

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