Very long story - my DD Aged (almost) 6 is friends at school with another girl also aged 6 (I am going to call her Audrey).
Audrey's mother does not like me. I can see her point of view, even though I don't agreed with it (our sons - mine aged 7, hers aged 8 - had a problem over a year ago in the school yard - my son said her son was teasing him - I asked the teacher to deal with it, and other mother got upset that I got the school involved rather than dealing with it between ourselves. I asked the school to deal with it because I did not know whether my son was contributing to the issue and therefore I thought the school would deal with it without bias. I didn't want to be seen as blaming anyone elses child when mine probably shared the blame. There were also two other parents who complained to the school about her son teasing them, so I am guessing it was a pretty stressful time all around for all families). In any case, Audrey's mother did not agree with me and said to me some very very strong words at the school gate saying that i was an unfit parent because of the way I dealt with it etc etc and that her daughter would not be allowed to come to my daughter's house for a playdate. I stood at the school gate with tears in my eyes and down my cheeks (not used to people being so rude) saying that I was sorry if I caused her any trouble, and that was never my intention, but I was just trying to deal with the situation in the best way I knew how. That was 12 months ago. The two girls have continued to play together at school.
Audrey turned 6 a few weeks ago - my DD was not invited. :-(
So, the issue is: DD wants Audrey to come to her birthday party (small affair - seven girls at our house for afternoon tea). I didn't want Audrey to be the only girl not invited, so I sent her an invitation.
Audrey's mother has not responded either to the email to all girl's mothers or the written party invitation. All other mothers have rsvp'd. Birthday party is Saturday week.
So, do I just leave it be, or do I send an email to Audrey's mother specifically asking if they can make it? and if I do, how do I word that email such that it is gracious and will not cause further issue? If Audrey can't come, I'd like to be able to manage my daughter's expectations as she is quite innocent of all the goings on.
Unpleasant situation and I can't believe the other mother would be so petty but I would say (sorry) that you have to leave it. She is being pretty mannerless by not RSVPing at all but I gather that's fairly standard these days from a lot of parents, judging by the number of threads on here about it!
I would manage your DD's expectations NOW that Audrey is not going to make it. After all, the woman told you last year that Audrey was never going to be able to come to your house for a playdate - she doesn't sound like the type to forgive and forget from what you've said so far - so just accept that Audrey is not coming. You've done the decent thing by inviting her - the mother has snubbed you - let it go. Sorry for your DD but I don't think you're going to achieve anything by a further email except to further piss her off by "harassing" her.
Thanks Thumbwitch - that was my gut feeling too I think, but I am just always second guessing myself now
I appreciate your support - I've turn myself inside out over this for a year trying to work out how I could have done it differently - its been horrible given that its a small school
You are right - I shall just assume that it is no and let my DD know that - in a way, that decision is a big relief - I certainly don't want to be seen as "harrassing" or "grovelling", or make it worse - it is nice to be able to just walk away now
It IS sad for your DD but these things do happen, not always because of the child's parents though!
And FWIW I think you did the right thing by asking the school to intervene on the the "teasing" - judging by the woman in question's responses so far, I doubt she'd have accepted that her DS did ANYthing wrong in the first place. It's always best to let the impartial authority deal with this stuff and she's been very foolish not to realise that.
Hope your DD has a lovely birthday and party anyway!
Thank you Towndon and ThumbW - and I cut the explaination short! There is oh so much more. I really do appreciate the perspective and support. How miraculous is Mumsnet that I can tell a stranger my struggles and receive great advice that actually makes me feel better! Birthday party is next Saturday.