Mumsnet Talk

It was DSs birthday a couple of weeks ago, his cousins' mum and dad always send a card and present, as we do with their children. It seemed a bit odd, then, that DSs uncle and one of his cousins phoned on his birthday to wish him Happy Returns, but there was not even a card in the post.

Now DH met up with his brother (i.e. uncle) the other day, so I thought a present might have been handed over, but it wasn't.

I need to speak to SIL (aunt) about going on a joint holiday, but I am a bit wrankled about this and want to ask without being rude, so what would you say?

Ta!

I don't think there is a way to bring it politely, could you talk about what a good birthday your son had etc and hope that your SIL either asks if you got the present or looks suitably embarassed.

Personally I wouldn't mention anything but continue to send card/present to any nieces or nephews.

I wouldn't say anything - it is other people's choice whether they send a card/gift.

Thank you for your thoughts, cat64 - I was thinking along the same sort of lines, but i'm the sort that gets tongue-tied, starts to laugh to cover my own embarrassment/nervousness, she is not like me!

Caughtinanet - could be the best way, I thinking about saying something like (when she asks how DS is or something), "oh DS fell off his scooter and chipped his front tooth, he was glad it wasn't on his birthday, although it was that week, cos last year he was ill on his birthday ... " (all true) - enough hints?

chasingsquirrels, yes you are right, but this SIL is always moaning about our other SIL (married to DHs other Bro) and how SHE never sends cards, presents to DSs cousins (you get the picture)!

I don't think there's a polite way of asking this, as it's never polite to expect/anticipate a present. You'll have to wait for them to get in touch to say "Did our present arrive?" or "Sorry we're late in sending a present". Otherwise you'll just have to accept they forgot this time.

OP, I don't think you can.

I think it's quite good that an uncle remembers to phone and say happy birthday.

Perhaps, just a digression, the SIL is fed up with remembering presents for HIS family and stopping sorting them out so that he has to do the remembering and the organising.

i wouldn't blame her. tbh.

You could say "thanks for the (made up present)" and when she looks confused, say "Oh we got it in the post, wasn't it from you?" That should reveal whether she sent one or not?
There is no realy polite way, but if your concern is it got lost and you don't want to appear rude by not thanking them, then just ask and apologise for seeming rude. I'm sure she'll understand.

I like Bibi's idea

a winner

LOL, there definitely is no polite way. But if it's bothering you that much, you could brazen it out anyway.

Try "just checking, did you post a present, because I'm worried it might have got lost" and if the answer is no, then just say "oh, terribly sorry, didn't mean to say we expected one, was just worried because Royal Mail have been very patchy lately".

At least you then know if it's okay for you not to send one, and end the whole circus. I think it gets really out of hand these days, sending so many presents to everyone's children that it's like a full time job. And kids get too much stuff, so end up spoiled.

I have sent thank yous for presents that people didn't send. Not on purpose, just hard to keep track of it all (plus full time job, looking after house, kids etc etc).

I know that sounds really ungrateful but it is honest.

If I was the aunt I would like to know if I forgot to send pressie ..cos I've done it before. Luckily I realised a few days later .
But there is no real way to ask...I wuld leave it. How old is the child?