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Ethical dilemmas

In a pickle...been snooping

20 replies

Feelingterrible123 · 11/04/2015 12:08

NC for this but I'm a regular poster. I've done something I'm very ashamed off and can't stop doing it. I keep snooping on my mums FB account as I know her password and there are messages to my sister who I get on well with slagging of my DH. I'm gutted, but I can't do anything as they'd know! I know I SHOULD NEVER have looked, I'm so disappointed in myself. What shall I do?!

OP posts:

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Larrytheleprechaun · 11/04/2015 13:27

Short of admitting you were snooping there is not that much you can do really. Is there history between your DH and your sister? Any fallings out? Or do you confide in her if you have a row or whatever? Could it be possible that your sister was just having an off day and your DH got the brunt of it and she does actually like him?

mrsdavidbowie · 11/04/2015 13:31

You can stop doing it.
To do it once is bad enough but to keep doing it??
Served you right if they started slagging you off too.

usualsuspect333 · 11/04/2015 13:34

Stop snooping.

Quitelikely · 11/04/2015 13:39

There is nothing you can do really.

Why don't they like dh?

DoJo · 11/04/2015 13:48

Does she have a point? Is your sister colluding? You know you shouldn't have been doing it, but it would be understandable if you didn't feel able to talk about your relationship with either of them again.

emotionsecho · 11/04/2015 13:59

Why did you snoop in the first place?

The old saying that eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves is very true, you can't say or do anything without your mum knowing you've accessed her Facebook without her permission.

Stop snooping and learn to live with what you read.

keepsmiling2015 · 13/04/2015 12:38

Oh no! Was it really bad what they were saying? You can't really approach them about it as you were snooping.

Snoopedontoo · 16/04/2015 17:45

NC for this , similar was done to me in that my friend was using my laptop one day and read all my face book messages . She read where I criticised her smoking in front of her kids and called me out on it. Worse though she read lots of private chats with other people I know so she knows so much private stuff about me. I felt so traumatised and sick for a long long time after it . It's horrid to think people were reading your thoughts. I became introverted and have only recently starting living again. Friend and I now ignore each other. I hate her knowing what goes on in my head. I know I shouldn't have written about her and I regret it everyday but she should have kept her mouth shut to me. My advice keep your snooping to yourself and forget about it.

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 16/04/2015 17:49

Snoopedontoo, I know how you feel, my XH did this to me for months. Never got over it!
Op, never log onto your DMs fb again. It's not your business what she says about your DH I'm afraid. She's entitled to her own opinion, even if you disagree. Does she have any reason not to like him?

Feelingterrible123 · 17/04/2015 21:57

My DM didn't like my first DH, I found out afterwards. She hates my other sisters DH, she's really grating on me as I know she talks behind backs. My DS is two faced as she's telling me one thing but I'm reading (wrongly I know) the oppositie on FB messages. They're also talking me about me now - I've read this week that they think I lied this week, I actually didn't but how dare they think i was! It's my own flesh & blood I'm so hurt, and I can't stop reading!!!!!! My DH hasn't done anything for her to dislike him although he tells her how it is, which she doesn't like - she thinks her opinions are ALWAYS right!!

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gatewalker · 17/04/2015 22:16

But, OP, can you see what you're doing here?

"She hates my other sisters DH, she's really grating on me as I know she talks behind backs."

You're snooping. Behind your DM's back. You are perpetuating the very behaviour that is enraging you. You are part of 'the system'. Maybe it's time to break free?

Feelingterrible123 · 17/04/2015 22:25

I want to but I'm struggling to! I think I'm more hurt by my DSi two facedness in all if this. I would love to be able to confront them but thats but possible, I know that. I have so much going on at the moment in my life and this is the final nail in the coffin, they seem to think so little of me! How the hell do I stop & go cold turkey?!

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gatewalker · 17/04/2015 22:38

Look after yourself. "Cold turkey" is right: there is doubtless a part of you whose chemistry feeds on the cycles of drama that you probably grew up on. It doesn't know anything different and it needs its 'fix'. Counselling or therapy will help. But going back to your family thinking they're going to change is to invite in more of the same. You have the ability to make different choices, and in that lies your route to freedom.

Feelingterrible123 · 17/04/2015 22:43

Thanks gatewalker that makes senses, I want to take back control as reading makes me feel angry, resentful & betrayed.

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AyeAmarok · 17/04/2015 22:45

You need to do something with the password so she gets locked out of her FB and has to reset her PW. Then that will stop you snooping.

Variousrandomthings · 17/04/2015 22:49

I would probably write on their Fb conversation page 'I had hoped you thought more of DH and me'

Yes you shouldn't have snooped but I'd fess up and have next to no contact with them

Feelingterrible123 · 17/04/2015 22:53

Good idea Aye.
Various - id love to and the way I'm feeling at the moment I wouldn't care less if I never did!

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ColdCottage · 18/04/2015 00:03

People all say things behind people's back to others which might not be exactly how they feel but they facilitate the other person.
I'm sure you've said things you'd never want some people to hear as it would hurt them.
I think you should put the wrong pw into your mums account until it locks you out and she will then have to choose a new pw and you can try and move on.
Re read all your FB messages. How would you feel if either your DM or DSis read them?
I know its hard but try and move on from it.

honeyroar · 22/04/2015 22:54

You're livid that they're calling you a liar and you're not but you're not telling them you're sneaking around and reading all their private thoughts? It's as bad. You need to stop, you're doing something horrible.

IamJeff · 24/05/2015 19:10

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