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Ethical dilemmas

Bringing up kids in london

19 replies

monkey36 · 19/10/2014 15:26

I feel conflicted. We decided to stay in lovely part of South london, and DS is now in year 10 in a fee paying independent school. He is very happy, but I am anxious all the time and have started to think that we made the wrong decision in not leaving like many comer inners. Have we made a bad call? I know lots of people do stay and successfully bring up kids in London. However, I am struggling with that real cosy complacency amongst those who have made the move, usually to the grammar drenched Kent towns, and who seem confused by my choice to remain, and convey that peace of mind I crave in overcoming this hurdle in finding safe, free and brilliant schools and expectant teenage solace.

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hesterton · 08/11/2014 14:18

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notinagreatplace · 16/11/2014 12:17

It definitely feels like the 'norm' is to move out of London when you have kids.

We have, unfortunately, not managed to have children yet (years of TTC, IVF, late tmfr, long story) - but we are looking to stay in London.

I think one of the problems with this kind of things is that there are so many pros and cons that it becomes very hard to be confident in your decision. But, at the end of the day, you have to have the courage of your convictions. There are lots of advantages to staying in London - shorter commute (i.e. more time at home with your DS), more stuff for your DS to do, some excellent schools (you sound like you've found one), not being reliant on national rail (less frequent, more expensive than tube as well as fewer options if it goes wrong), you stay on the housing ladder in London which gives you more options in retirement (i.e. you can sell and downsize to release cash).

Something I find helpful is to look around me - there are LOTS of children growing up in my area. When I talk to my friends, they act like there are no kids in London, but that is blatantly untrue!

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Arlagirl · 16/11/2014 12:23

London is an exciting place for teenagers especially if youSmile have money.

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MamaMed · 16/11/2014 12:26

I think it depends on where you are in London, what kind of lifestyle and social circle you have, and more importantly how comfortable you are financially.

If you are comfortable and have found a good school and DCs have a good social circle, then you should be more than fine. The grass always looks greener on the other side.

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dreamingbohemian · 16/11/2014 12:30

Who cares what other people think? If you're all happy, then relax. btw your son will thank you for it later, getting to grow up in an exciting world capital, while most of the kids out in the suburbs will be dying of boredom.

We are city people and I'm happy DS will grow up this way. I mostly grew up in big cities but spent a bit of time in the suburbs and could not leave fast enough.

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ghostspirit · 16/11/2014 12:44

i moved out fo london sometime ago. with my children thinking they would have a better up bringing out of london. we felt very isolated simple things were difficult as well. I lasted 6 months and came back to london. defently where i belong would not move out again

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Mrsgrumble · 16/11/2014 12:46

I grew up in London - zone two end loved it. So many good experiences.

A lot of people start threads about missing London. You might not be any better off moving out.

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monkey36 · 23/11/2014 23:28

Fellow mumnetters, thank you all for taking the time to respond to my thread. You have all made very insightful comments. I really appreciate it.

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BikeRunSki · 23/11/2014 23:35

I grew up in London (Zone 1 and Zone 2) and was state educated. London rocks as a teenager!! Superb public transport = freedom! So much to do and see. So much always happening. Although I am a country bumpkin now, I have realised in retrospect how amazing my upbringing in London was in terms of opportunities, social and cultural awareness.

I would never live in London again, but think that everyone should girls couple of years.

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monkey36 · 23/11/2014 23:40

@bikerunski. I was brought up in Yorkshire, felt trapped and left but always thought I would go back. I don't think we will, not because I dislike the place, I have lots of family and fond memories. It's also beautiful. Just wondered why you would never live in London again?

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BikeRunSki · 23/11/2014 23:54

Monkey I live inYorkshire now, have done for 15 years. At heart, I am not a city person. I like The Great Outdoors too much. Working in Leeds is a necessary evil; a long week end in NYC was fun for 4 days; business trips to London are increasingly less nostalgic and increasingly more unbearable. Give me some hills, mud and far horizons and I happy.

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monkey36 · 24/11/2014 00:12

Ah Leeds, where I studied and had my first job. Yorkshire , good choice for outdoors lifestyle. Thanks, just curious , I do understand.

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CatLady25 · 29/11/2014 18:30

I live in sw ldn its fIne

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radiobedhead · 29/11/2014 18:32

London is great. Why would you leave? It has everything.

We'll only leave if we can't afford it anymore. But I really hope we're able to raise a family here.

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Looseleaf · 29/11/2014 18:45

We thought of leaving central London and our small flat for a house the DC would have had such fun in but all decided we'd miss it. I especially wanted DD's opinion too (she's 7 and very good at discussing her thoughts) and she didn't want to leave or move school.

I've come round to thinking we're in the best place especially as we often head to Richmond park or the Wetlands Centre or escape at weekends. Also if we moved out and prices carry on as they are I suspect we wouldn't move back easily.

I think by all means keep re-evaluating what's working for your family and also do remember as someone else mentioned that some people who move then miss the 'buzz' of London, good jobs etc.

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AuntySib · 29/11/2014 18:50

He won't thank you if you move him now - London is great for teenagers, with free/cheap excellent public transport.

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Quangle · 29/11/2014 18:53

London is fab for kids and even better for teenagers. We are not stuck in a car trekking from one place to another - we walk or bus everywhere and see everything. I worry that my kids get to see too much fab stuff and I should tone it all down for them by moving somewhere more boring so grown up life isn't a real letdown!

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minipie · 29/11/2014 19:13

OP, I think you'll find that peace of mind if you spend more time with happy London dwellers and less time with those who've moved to the sticks and are determined to convince you that's the only way to go Wink

I grew up in London (independent day school) and had a great - and safe - time especially as a teenager.

As long as you can overcome the hurdles of affording and finding decent housing/safe enough area/decent schooling (much of which depends on money) then it's a great place to have kids IMO, especially tots or teens.

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monkey36 · 08/03/2015 09:06

@minipie - thank you. great advice actually. feeling far more positive.

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