Preventing a possible mistake

[hetty1980]

Hello I'm new so please excuse my lack of using the correct abbreviations! I don't expect anyone to tell me what to do (although I would love to know what you would do in this situation) but I really can't talk to any of my friends or family about this.

In a nutshell:
I'm 33 my husband is 10 years older and we have been together 8 years, married 1.

We got married because we both want children. At least I thought we did.

I came off the pill 4 years ago and had unprotected sex since then, no baby. I went to the docs 8 months ago and they suggested we start to see if there are issues. I had blood tests, all OK. My husband just needs to do his "bit".

Trouble is he hasn't and when I ask him why he hasn't he says he hasn't had time. Nonsense. I've not nagged or pressured but I'm starting to feel like I'm being stringed along.

On top of all this he is a high functioning alcoholic - drinking 6-8 cans lager a day and more on weekends.

I made a fuss of the alcoho, thing before we got married saying He must try and cut down. He hasn't.

I wrote him a letter a few months ago (I know but if I try talking to him he says nothing, literally nothing) saying that I don't want to be older than 35 for my first child and if I'm not pregnant soon, I don't want children at all.

He will only have sex with me 1-2 a month.

If you're still here, thank you! My options are either stick with it and face the fact that we could be a childless couple, in which case I think I will end up resenting him. Or I cut my losses now and face the humiliation of a short marriage and uncertain future.

Thank you for listening. I'm not normally this miserable!

Hx

[jkklpu]

Sounds as though he doesn't want what you do and you should think about calling it a day. Having children with an alcoholic is a huge risk in itself and with someone who seems to be not that into it, even bigger.

[hetty1980]

Thank you yes I think I'm starting to see that it is irresponsible and selfish of me to consider having a child with someone whonisnt prepared to make radical changes to their lifestyle.

What's more annoying is that I've known he's had this problem for 8 years and I've ignored it. What a twat!

[IsobelEliza]

Lots of men would be evasive over any medical issues especially one to do with their virility. No suggestions but lots of sympathy and don't give up yet, there may be a way to get him to the doctors. Try deception. Tell your doctor why you want him to see him. Book him an appointment. Find some way to get him in the door. Let the doctor broach the subject.