Should I tell OH how I really feel?

(3 Posts)
lechatnoir Sun 11-Nov-12 18:00:27

Classic story of one wanting another child (me) & the other one not. This was thrashed out between us for a good while when DC2 was about 1 (now 3.5) and I had to finally accept for the sake of our marriage that it wasn't meant to be. So, other than the odd lighthearted mention, usually when an outsider brings up the subject of more children, neither of us discuss it and it's fair to say DH has no idea that I still desperately want another child.
I don't think I day goes by when I don't think about either being pregnant or envisage our family as 5 not 4 especially if I see a large family or baby (I work in childcare so quite often!) but I never comment out loud.

We have an otherwise very loving & open relationship and part of me feels I'm betraying him by not being honest about my feelings, but, I'm also aware that telling him my true feelings will dredge up an old argument & it could be seen as some sort of emotional blackmail. Should I carry on keeping quiet & hope that when the reality of not physically being able to have children arrives (5, 10 years maybe?) it stops the emotional desire or, come clean & at least ask him to share the burden?

Nigglenaggle Sun 11-Nov-12 19:20:37

Definitely tell him. It's important to you. If he's stopping you doing something you spend your every waking hour thinking about he needs to know.

LaCiccolina Sun 11-Nov-12 19:30:35

To broach the subject will take courage and frankly a sense of humour as u will have to b able to keep calm and in check if his first reaction is explosion of "whaaat?? But u said.... ?"

Is the reason it's no more a) money primarily or b) happy with 4 primarily? He plainly doesn't mind kids as u got to 4 but I can c why 5 might b a killer...

Do u honestly just miss feeling pregnant? Do u prefer small babies? No shame. I love dd dearly but far prefer her now at 2 than I ever did at 4mths. I'm preg with 2nd dd and already look forward to her crawling rather than the first 3mths if I'm honestly truthful to my deepest thoughts.
I have a friend who is total opposite. Finds tiny babies wonderful but less interested in toddlers. Likes them again after 4. She got 3 kids.

I think if u bring it up it needs to b as a wistful comment. Something lighter. To sound out a reaction that u can back away from without necessarily picking a fight. U need to know it mightn't change.....

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