ex-wife has become a pornstar

(5 Posts)
dadnaska68 Sat 30-Jun-12 21:07:36

Hi , this is my 1st post and im not sure anyone can help.Im just so upset and scared i don't know what to do.My ex wife left me 3 years ago , we had 3 children ,and she has gone onto have child with another man who she has now left. The problem is she has become a porn star and got into swinging and i don't know what to do.She is in a complete mess,talks about suicide,but still manages to hold down a job as a part time nurse!My kids are 15 ,10 and 9.The 2 youngest live with me all the 70 % of the time , but they don't like going back to her and now ive found this out neither do i!My 15 year old stays with her most the time as she is allowed to do what she likes!I still love my ex and care for her well being, but what do i do?she says i cant do anything.I said i would go to court to have the kids full time to scare her to stop ,but she said i wouldn't win and she would still have the kids when she wanted,so she can do what she likes.I had a nervous breakdown when i found out about her affairs and lost my job too.Im now suffering terrible anxiety.Im really worried.Help.

joanofarchitrave Sat 30-Jun-12 21:35:30

sad

It sounds as if you are afraid for your childrens' safety. Have there been any incidents, or in general are you both managing to keep them safe?

When you say she talks about suicide, what does she say? How recently?

How does your anxiety come through? Have you tried No Panic if you have panic attacks (google them), or the Anxiety factsheet on the Mind website? Just to give you a little bit of support.

RightBuggerforit Sat 30-Jun-12 21:42:19

What business is it of yours if she is into swinging or porn? What difference does that make - get a grip and mind your own business. Why on earth (apart from jealousy/misplaced possessiveness) you would think that was 'the problem' and then only casually mention that she is suicidal, I really can't understand. Not sure wth is wrong with either of you tbh, but I would suggest you get some counselling ASAP, and some legal advice re custody - but try to stick to the relevant facts.

StarryCole Thu 05-Jul-12 20:30:11

Hi dadnaska68, I'm sorry to the stress you are feeling. It's hard looking after children and obviously very stressful as you've lost your job too. My advice would be to think about your priorities (obviously your children) but also put a plan into place about finding a job, to provide for you and your family and put some self-esteem back.

Secondly, as per previous post, you need to try and detach your ex-wifes job as a porn star. It's her life and how she wants to earn money then that is up to her and her right. HOWEVER, if there are attributes of her job that directly affect the safety and well being of your children, then you have cause for concern about her job. Can that be proved? If it's to do with her parenting then that's an entirely a different matter and again that needs to be addressed.

So if you can look at the issues you see (children consistently not doing homework and grades are suffering/not being fed/ children not wanting to stay with their mum/mother wanting to commit suicide) then speak to involve Child Protection (you can do this anonymously) and look to getting (legal) advice as well. These are very valid concerns but you need to have some good advice and clarity on the situation.

Big hugs to you.

Mintyy Thu 05-Jul-12 20:35:24

I think you are quite right, as a loving parent, to worry about your children being brought up by a porn star! Can't actually believe RightBuggerForIt's post is for real.

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