"Daddy hits Mummy" What (if anything) should I do?

(58 Posts)
BestestBrownies Thu 03-May-12 16:21:46

Hi Mumsnetters

This is my first posting, so forgive me if I'm not up on all the slang etc. My dilemma is this....

I'm a nanny and have been caring for a 5yo girl after school for around 4 months. Two days ago (Tuesday), she told me that "Daddy hits Mummy. He shouts at her a lot, and he pushes her and makes her cry. He shouts at me a lot as well."

This came out of leftfield whilst the two of us were alone and she was eating dinner. We were talking about babies and I was telling her about a pregnant friend who has a baby boy in her tummy. She went a bit quiet and said that she wished it was a girl because "Boys aren't very nice". Of course, I dismissed this comment as normal girls-are-better-than-boys talk, but then she came straight out with the worrying part about Daddy hitting Mummy.

Do I have a quiet word with the Mum? Do I just ignore it completely as none of my business? I just don't know what's the right thing to do. I haven't been able to sleep properly the last two nights for thinking about this.

I've had conflicting advice from my mum, sister and DH on what would be the best course of action to take, so I'm hoping that someone who has found themselves in a similar situation might share how they handled it and what the outcome was please.

Noqontrol Fri 04-May-12 12:58:19

You've done the right thing op. A well considered and sensible approach.

amillionyears Fri 04-May-12 13:43:30

ifeelloved,you were not stupid and naive, probably just young.These are difficuilt situations for adults too.

ifeelloved Fri 04-May-12 13:51:53

I wish years. I was 29. I should have stood up for those children

JugglingWithTangentialOranges Fri 04-May-12 18:25:13

I'm sorry you have regrets about that time Ifeelloved
29 is still a spring chicken from my vantage point smile

Don't be too hard on yourself x

stargirl1701 Fri 04-May-12 18:36:00

You must report this to your local Child Protection Team. I am a teacher and this is standard practice within most children's services settings.

oohlordylordy Fri 04-May-12 21:22:54

Op, I think you have done a great deal of thinking about this and what you have done is for the best.

my 2yo once told me that granny had kicked her. She was adamant about it. Only that I am very close to my family - and mother- I would have been most disconcerted. But the more we asked about it the more far fetched the story became. So, the matter of factness you mention re. Your charge is a little worrying.

I do agree with not talking to the mother first off. If it
S not true, then no harm done, but if it is true, it's putting someone who feels scared and / or guilty in a position where they may not uk the Dc first.

RedWallflower Wed 05-Sep-12 22:41:09

You do need to take this further, as there are potential child protection issues. You could contact social work, for advise. Don't ignore it, as if something happens to that child, you will not forgive yourself.
At the very least you could speak to the mother, encourage her to contact woman's aid. My ex was physically abusive to me when drunk, and when I finally disclosed it to my best friends, they told me there were child protection issues, which hadn't occurred to me, as it was directed at me. But my eldest still remembers the shouting, and just before I left my ex ( the week of the disclosure) he developed severe maternal separation anxiety, which he doesn't have anymore.
Sorry for rambling. It's difficult, but please take advise from the authorities.

RedWallflower Wed 05-Sep-12 22:44:54

Sorry, I hadn't read all the messages, and see you sought advise.

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