Upset by comments made to me by member of staff in my office. Bad or am I being a bit sensitive?

(28 Posts)
peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:07:50

There is a man in my office who I find very difficult to get on with. He has a large ego and jokes around a lot but sometimes it's just not funny.

In the past he has made some comments about the way I look which I have just laughed off. He also thinks it's funny to talk about the female members of staff as a load of old middle aged women.

At the beginning of this week, he started to laugh and showed me a page in a booklet that had a photo of me in it. This was done publicly with other people listening. He made a comment somewhere along the lines of "God the years haven't been kind to you have they". Again I laughed it off as I was so mortified but felt upset by it.

Then today, he was sat on some chairs in the office and there was only a small gap inbetween the chairs to get through. I walked through once and he didn't move his legs so I just edged past him. The second time, I asked him to move his legs so that I could squeeze through. His reply to me (again publicly) was that it wasn't his fault the chairs were so close together and then he said in a very sarcastic way, "it's not like you dont' need the exercise anyway". I felt sick and the man next to him looked a bit horrified too. I walked away and went off to have a bit of moment in the loo.

I decided to talk to my boss about it who said that he would have a word with this person. At the end of the day, my boss told me that he had spoken to him and that the man would come and talk to me. When he came back into the office he totally ignored me and made no attempt to talk to me or apologise. He then left the office.

If he had apologised and meant it, I would have chalked it down to experience. As he chose to ignore my boss and me afterwards I am now very upset about it all and have since emailed my boss.

I feel bad enough about myself and my weight as it is and I am so angry. I am only a size 16 so not as though I am massive. I feel about 1cm tall.

So was I being over sensitive or not? Thanks everyone.

PurpleGirly Fri 19-Jul-13 18:10:52

No. He is a pig. Two choices - ignore him or give it back!

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Fri 19-Jul-13 18:13:03

Time for the " did you mean to be so rude?" comment I think. What an arse.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:13:05

Yes he is a pig. I have been trying to ignore him but that really upset me today.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:13:49

Did you mean to be so rude! Like it. Do you think I've over-reacted to email my boss like that?

orangepudding Fri 19-Jul-13 18:13:53

He's rude. you were not being over sensitive.

He was supposed to apologise but hasn't, leave it in your bosses hands for now.

CheungFun Fri 19-Jul-13 18:15:55

I think you need to start giving him a taste of his own medicine and make comments about him each time he says something rude to you. Stand up to this idiot, you will feel much better for it!

If he whines about you making comments I'd go with the classic "I was only joking".

DeepPurple Fri 19-Jul-13 18:16:02

He was down right rude and mean. Does he secretly fancy you? Cos it sounds like a boy in a playground pulling pigtails wink

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:16:04

Thanks orange. Yes, I have done enough now and will leave it to my boss to sort out. Although what he can do I don't know. Men with large egos - I can't bear them.

If he does it again I'd go with, "Have you always been a dick head or only since puberty?"

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:18:52

DeepPurple god no!! Not at all - he makes it quite clear to all of us what he thinks of ladies that are "middle aged"!

Cheung, I hate the "I was only joking" thing. Some people think that they can say anything in the name of a joke and that makes it ok. It isn't.

Chottie Fri 19-Jul-13 18:19:54

He is being very rude and offensive. Don't let him get away with it. He is a bully and a bore. Ensure you get an apology. Good luck, he sounds gross.

chubbymomie2012 Fri 19-Jul-13 18:21:54

i wouldnt sink to his level op. He is a bully! You are being bullied in the work place and your employers have a duty of care to provide you with a safenworking environment. I would tell your manager you want to start a grievance pricedure against him! if you start name calling and biting back not only do u become as bad as him but u wont have a leg to stand on if things get really nasty. keep it official and let the boss deal with him. x

CheungFun Fri 19-Jul-13 18:21:55

Peedoffbird, I totally hate the "I was only joking" excuse too, but good for if you're dealing with this man as he doesn't deserve respect IMO after being so rude to you and not even giving you an apology.

Notmadeofrib Fri 19-Jul-13 18:27:13

Good for you, he is a pig and don't forget that. Do not be put off, he should NEVER make comments like that again and if he does, report him. It is not you, it is him.

Good luck

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:34:05

Chubby, he makes me feel very small and ugly and fat with his comments. I will see what my boss says and see if he takes it seriously.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:36:32

Thanks Notmadeofrib - he is a pig indeed!

Suzieismyname Fri 19-Jul-13 18:37:01

Don't sink to his level. Stick to the official route and be a hundred times more professional than him!

Corygal Fri 19-Jul-13 18:38:19

"Only joking" = The bully's defence.

Ghastly little man. Don't bother getting upset.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 18:39:21

"Ghastly little man" - love it! He is little too.

AgnesBligg Fri 19-Jul-13 18:43:42

Please don't attempt put-downs in return! It probably wouldn't work anyway and it is unnecessary.

Treat this prick with total professionalism and don't get caught up with his unpleasant childish 'banter'. Report every time he oversteps your boundary.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 19:04:49

Agnes I can't be bothered to go anywhere near him or talk to him. I shall just ignore him unless he asks me a direct question. I do want this dealt with properly though - someone needs to bring him down a peg or two.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 19-Jul-13 19:08:48

He's a cunt.

Let your boss deal with it.

And no, obviously you're not being oversensitive.

KatOD Fri 19-Jul-13 19:12:12

This actually sounds like an example of really obvious bullying/discrimination (against women and age groups) from a training video highlighting how not to behave. In NO way are you being over sensitive and good for you for trying to get it sorted out. I'd be astounded if no-one else found his behaviour offensive.

peedoffbird Fri 19-Jul-13 19:16:32

Kat that's interesting! I'm not letting this go as he is just so foul.

KenDoddsDadsDog Chile Sun 21-Jul-13 07:27:30

Read this - the verbal harassment and offensive pranks is exactly what he is doing. Should give you more context for your boss.

Roshbegosh Sun 21-Jul-13 07:50:25

I wouldn't get into a slanging match as he will take it to a nastier level and you will be crying in the toilets. I would say in front of a couple of witnesses "I find your comments rude, unnecessary and unprofessional, i think you are a ghastly little man and I will take this further if you don't stop" He may try to alienate you and make the bullying more behind your back so either way you need to be thick skinned. You have to stand up to him though or it will continue and may get worse as he realises what he can get away with. Stand tall, take a breath and keep it slow and calm. Don't attempt it if premenstrual or you might lose it and he will enjoy that. Good luck.
With some men I just think what he'll it must be for their wives, he is an idiot whose development was arrested in toddlerhood. And a cunt.

Crinkle77 Wed 24-Jul-13 15:32:34

You could say something like 'well I can always lose weight but you will always be a cock'

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