DH thinks jobs like this exist - can we tell him the reality?

(113 Posts)
grants1000 Thu 21-Feb-13 11:12:51

DH thinks I can esily get a job that fits the following criteria:-

School hours eg: 9.15 - 3.00 (so I can always pick up the children)
OR
3 days a week 9-5.15 (giving me enough time to drop & pick up children from before & after school club because this job apparently will be local)
AND
That will be flexible for me and me only to work at home the days they are ill becuase he won't be able to ever.
AND
That is still gives me enough time to be responsible for all the housework, shopping and cooking because he won't have the time.

I work from home now because it fits in with school hours and his job, he's away a lot, no fixed times of being in, could have a meeting in London one day, Glasgow the next, may stay over may come home etc etc. His point is that I don't earn much and I should and could earn more, my home business is just a "won't come to much" and I should get a proper job. My "won't come to much" is in it's infancy and just getting going.

So tell me how it is.

Thanks

I think he's living in la la land if he thinks jobs like that exist. I also think it's very convenient that he thinks you can do all the housework etc. He needs to wake up to reality and start being more supportive of you, by pulling his weight at home and encouraging you with your business and not putting you down.

weegiemum Thu 21-Feb-13 11:20:49

I have a job like that.

I work for a charity for very little money indeed.

mollymole Thu 21-Feb-13 11:21:52

Your husband is an idiot

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 21-Feb-13 11:21:56

Would he employ someone with all of those terms?!

JuliaScurr Thu 21-Feb-13 11:23:36

You must MUST MUST stop him listening to government statements about unemployment

He has fallen into the common trap of believing them

TallyGrenshall Thu 21-Feb-13 11:25:12

Tell him that you will happily go out and earn the same amount as him but he would then have to employ a CM/nanny and a cleaner and someone to do the shopping because you won't have the time to do it anymore

Or

Tell him to get a grip and stop being such an arse

Dilemma247 Thu 21-Feb-13 11:26:11

I have. Job similar to that
I work 14 hrs a week spread over 3 days

It hAs taken years of stress, a degree and two postgrad qualifications to be in this position..
It's not stacking shelves and I am paid well

But I realise how bloody lucky I am a d it's been years of full time work and out of hours cover prior to this..

He's mad
These jobs do exist.. But they are not usually advertised, they are an accommodation from a boss who wants to keep you and your expertise
Or they are odd shift work and you end up having to do Thursday 5-10 too etc

Hth

KatieMiddleton Thu 21-Feb-13 11:30:37

I think you should start invoicing him for all the work that you do at home where he's not contributing equally.

When you factor in the costs of childcare and household tasks that would have to be covered elsewhere if you were working out of the home it is a significant amount.

Or get a new dh. Much easier than finding the elusive perfect job that may or may not exist.

InkleWinkle Thu 21-Feb-13 11:32:38

Like Weegiemum I also have a job similar to that.
I also part time for a charity for very little money.

DontmindifIdo Thu 21-Feb-13 11:37:20

Tell him to show you one and you'll apply.

Otherwise, do you want to work outside the home? In which case fine, but he needs to step up doing more housework (50% if you go full time) and be prepared to pay for childcare as wrap around, and is prepared to take 50% of the DCs being ill time off.

I can only work because DH goes in to work early and finishes at 4:30 to be home for a 5:15pm pick up, he's just been contacted by a headhunter about another job, as he'd lose those hours, any uplift in salery has to factor in either moving to using a nanny (about £4 an hour more expensive than we pay now) or losing my wage all together (am about to go on mat leave so it's not going to be an issue for a year, it just means i wouldn't go back at the end of it).

If you are going to both work outside the home, then the domestic tasks left (childcare and housework) become equal responsibility of both. If he wants that then you should be prepared to discuss it reasonably with him, but the idea that you should continue to do it all just in less time and with less flexibility is bollocks.

he might have to accept you both look for new jobs. The only ways any parent's career and flexibility are not affected by having DCs are because a) they pay a full time nanny or b) they have a partner that stays at home and makes that their 'job'.

Catsdontcare Thu 21-Feb-13 11:43:19

What an arse. DH works long hours and has very little flexibility over taking time off so he accepts and acknowledges the fact that for me I am far more restricted in what I do and although more money would be nice it's not fair to expect me to commit to a job and then be the one that always has to phone in sick when the kids are ill.

BranchingOut Thu 21-Feb-13 11:50:24

A family member does have a job like that - only now as a working parent who struggled to get a pt job) do I appreciate what a flipping miracle that job is! It is admin at a university, not great pay and no prospects for promotion within those hours.

Tell him you will look, but that it might be a very long wait!

What are this man's good points, exactly? He seems to think that you exist for his benefit, rather than your marriage being a partnership in which each of you makes the other's life better and happier. He wants you to be his domestic servant and to turn a profit from you.

LadyBigtoes Thu 21-Feb-13 11:52:51

I have a job like that.

I work at home and am self-employed. Tell your DH that!

My DP knows he is bloody lucky because there's someone there to look after ill DC when necessary, deal with all the house admin etc. but I still bring a wage. It's especially useful for us as we have no family support to step in. However he would not in a million years get away with doing no housework. My part-time self-employed work, plus childcare and household jobs during the day, adds up to a full-time job just like his IMO. So on evenings and weekends jobs have to be shared.

I work 30 hours - mon-fri, 9-3. I earn an ok wage, and I do like my job - but, my employers are not flexible, they make it really awkward to take time off at short notice and are very unsympathetic about my incredibly rare childcare problems.

So while you might find a job with the right hours, the flexible employers might be a step too far!

CinnabarRed Thu 21-Feb-13 11:56:40

The only ways any parent's career and flexibility are not affected by having DCs are because a) they pay a full time nanny or b) they have a partner that stays at home and makes that their 'job'.

Even a FT nanny doesn't mean your career isn't affected TBH. Not if you actually want to see your kids.

Our nanny works 8-6, and I work a 1.5 hour commute away in the City. I've made a point of refusing meetings starting before 10 or ending after 4:30 because it's important to me to be there for breakfast/bath & bedtime. I work before the children wake and after they've gone to bed if I have to.

But, even so, my career has stalled.

Vickibee Thu 21-Feb-13 11:57:11

I work 930 til 3pm everyday. It is tough dropping off at school getting to work on time and doing all the chores. Not very well paid but it will do for now. I long to be a SAHM but Dh doesn't earn enough. In the hols it is OOSC and I feel guilty about not spending enough time with Ds

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 11:59:44

I dont think its that hard to find those types of jobs.You could do care,childcare,admin, shop,work for council etc.

All my friends do those types of jobs where they are part time, take whenever they need to with the kids with no problems and do all pick ups/drop offs.

CinnabarRed Thu 21-Feb-13 11:59:46

I'm starting to get really riled on your behalf OP. Your DH is an arse.

RedPencils Thu 21-Feb-13 12:02:53

Its rare But not impossible, I have a job like that. They'd love me to be full time but thy cant afford it. I'm not very well paid, considering my skills and experience.
I sympathise a bit with him, being the main breadwinner. Presumably he doesn't have the option of packing it in and starting his own business. Can you agre to continue with your home business and give it six months. If you haven't made any progress then you'll start looking. That seems a lot fairer.

WishIdbeenatigermum Thu 21-Feb-13 12:07:07

I have a job like that. I volunteered for 3 years at the charity before I got it. 27 hours a week take home about £1000/ month. Dcs are old enough to be left home alone and make their own way to and from school. Even so DH who travels similarly to the OPs and struggles to make parents' evenings let alone a pick up has taken leave during half term, suggested takeaways and stepped up his household contributions.

Snazzynewyear Thu 21-Feb-13 12:34:28

Tell him to ask his boss what jobs are available at his workplace that fit those hours and how much they pay. I imagine there are loads of positions, all paying megabucks! hmm And invite him to point them out to you whenever he sees them advertised because strangely you haven't seen that many yet.

The time spent getting a business started is an investment in its future success, and if he imagines you will be awash with profit straight away, then he presumably doesn't know as much about the world of business and employment as he thinks.

I would suddenly be finding too that when I did the shopping I was too short of time to remember to get stuff he likes. He can put a supermarket order in online while he's busy travelling here and there.

I'm sorry but you're not going to get an employer who's happy for you to work from home every time your child is ill. That's what annual leave, for both parents, is for.

I agree with those posters who point out that often such jobs are a way of retaining existing staff who have put a claim in for flexible working, not something advertised externally as a vacancy.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 21-Feb-13 12:42:04

He sounds like a total twat tbh.

He is unsupportive
He is taking you for granted
He's treating you like (un)paid help
He's belittling all you do - work wise & children/home wise
He's acting like he's 'above' childcare & domestic duties
He's acting like a complete and utter wanker

There's no way I'd be treat like that, spoken to like that or accept a bloke doing so little childcare/domestic stuff.

Things need to change in your house and it's NOT your income/business/job!

willyoulistentome Thu 21-Feb-13 12:44:43

I am FT now, but for the kids earlier years that was my job - well paid too. HOWEVER - I had worked for the compnay for 8 years before I had kids and they really wanted me to stay on so bent over backwards to accommodate my needs. I realise I am extremely lucky with my employer!

If you told your DH you'd got a FT job and recruited a nanny, what would he say, seeing as he thinks your income is so important to him?

Phineyj Thu 21-Feb-13 12:55:46

I think you should agree what's reasonable/possible for you to earn but I can't see why he'd care how you achieve that -- what does it matter if you work at home or elsewhere? Of course when working out the possible part you'll need to take into account travel, childcare, cleaner, extra food budget to buy more pre prepared stuff etc etc. With a little creative accounting your home based business may be the best option.

I agree with people who've said there are a few admin type jobs out there with those hours but I reckon they've got a lot rarer since the recession and you'd want to look very reliable if you found one -- certainly not being the one who always takes time off when there's a childcare problem.

He sounds like a prat. I'm in the same situation as you - new start-up working from home self-employed and today i earned my first £20! Huzzah. I've been working for six weeks. DH has uncomplainingly taken over doing the shopping, the washing up, sharing the tidying, getting Baby Cakes up in the mornings and cooking one or two nights a week. I feel terrible about this as I'm not earning any money, but he insists, because I am still working as well as doing 98% of the childcare and even if I never earn any more than this £20, I am keeping my CV going for the future and setting our child the example of hard work.

He needs to pull his weight and let you focus a bit more time and energy on your business and then maybe you'd be able to pull in more work.

KatieMiddleton Thu 21-Feb-13 12:58:41

Are you my BIL's wife? He thought his wife should get a job. Even went so far as to apply to the local supermarket on her behalf requiring school hours, term time only and no weekends. Surprisingly they weren't keen, she wasn't happy and everyone he told thought he was a massive berk.

DeafLeopard Thu 21-Feb-13 13:00:52

It's taken me 13 years to find a job with such flexibility - the downside is I get paid NMW.

I have a job like that, it is also well paid. But it is a niche job, for which I am perfectly qualified and experienced, they don't need a full timer for this role and I still count it as one of my biggest strokes of luck.

bubbles1231 Thu 21-Feb-13 13:07:14

I have a job with flexible hours- 9.30 -2.30 BUT I'm self employed- these are the hours I offer. My work is very seasonal and winter is pretty dead- weeks without work. My skills are quite narrow so the potential for work is small.
OH works away a lot and we have no family near us so there's not a lot of choice. I'd love to work more regular hours but it would mean moving away to a more densly populated area. The children are settled and happy in school, so the status quo is what we've opted for.

HecateWhoopass Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:07

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA <wheeeeeeze>HAHAHAHAHA

Yes. Jobs like that are everywhere.

Not at all as rare as hen's teeth and fought over by practically every mother of school aged children who's looking for something to fit round the kids.

There are jobs out there that meet some of those criteria - but bugger all that would meet everything. AND pay a good wage.

Is he delusional in other areas of life too?

I'm self employed and work from home because that gives me the best shot at the flexibility I need.

beginnings Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:08

I just don't GET this! My DH has a bigger job than me, more senior, more direct reports, great geographical responsibility. He works long hours and travels quite a bit. Prior to DD, I was also a 60 hour pw kind of person.

Now, I work three days. My role is more specialist which is good but my career is probably stalling. BUT, February is my worst month of the year - I'm typing this as I shove a horrid Pret sandwich down my throat at my desk - and I'm flat out so my DDDDH is doing drop off and pick up today and actually taking a day off next week so that I can come in on Friday. We actually sat down and talked about it at the start of the month and put dates in the diary and worked around it. On the other hand, I put up with the fact that he left the house at 4 on Sunday afternoon to go abroad for a Monday meeting. Who are these men who think just because they have "important" jobs all of the childcare responsibility falls to the wife?! I'm horrified by the number of them that still exist.

It's like the concept of Dads babysitting. You do not babysit your own child!!!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Thu 21-Feb-13 13:14:29

Tell him you'll look for a full time job and he can apply for this mythical ultra flexible job and be responsible for all childcare and housework, after all if it's that easy he won't mind being the one to do it will he?

almostanotherday Thu 21-Feb-13 13:35:42

Tell him to find you one like that

smile

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 13:36:59

I will agree there are loads of these jobs about but they are just low waged.However plenty exist.

StillSeekingSpike Thu 21-Feb-13 17:47:43

Chesty- what jobs where? I work for a council and we have plenty of part time workers. However, they also have to be ultra 'flexible'- that is, if it involves working over their hours (which it often does) they have to do it and take the time as TOIL. The only people who can work from home when needed is senior staff who work their arses off, and can still expect to be called in if needed.

Perhaps he thinks you can get a little job in a cake shop ? shock

nancy75 Thu 21-Feb-13 17:52:50

I have a job like that, I work 9-3 term time only and my office is opposite my daughters school. My boss has a child at the same school and always let's me go to school plays ect. The pay is good but I am aware that I am lucky to have a job that fits in so well with the rest of my life.

expatinscotland Thu 21-Feb-13 17:56:33

'That is still gives me enough time to be responsible for all the housework, shopping and cooking because he won't have the time.'

Knob alert! He wants you to earn more and skivvy, too. What a prize jackass.

Go ahead and show him this thread, too.

AsphyxiaXIX Thu 21-Feb-13 18:02:17

Tell him he should be making lots more money so that you don't have to work otherwise he's not a proper man. I'm guessing he won't be so keen on the sexism when it's not on his side...

SizzleSazz Thu 21-Feb-13 18:10:22

They exist but can't be found 'easily'

I work 21hrs a week, nominally over 3 set days but flexible bar meetings etc (I am also flexible to go in during school hours on my 2 non working days)

I use a combination of after school club (ours finishes at 5 and I have a 25 min journey, a babysitter before school on one day and a CM in the holidays as dd2 too young for holiday clubs here.

Sickness dh and I cover between us (he is away often but will help when he can)

GetOrf Thu 21-Feb-13 18:20:10

Your husband is a fucker.

Frankly.

Snazzynewyear Thu 21-Feb-13 18:24:37

That's the thing Chesty - the jobs do exist but

aren't everywhere - tend to be more public sector, where recruitment is down atm

aren't well paid - so the husband's gripe that she should earn more is unrealistic

aren't very flexible - in return for the hours you want, you generally can't work from home or change stuff easily

We'd all like to work short hours for big money and take time out whenever we want, I imagine. Even the husband doesn't get to do that so why he thinks his wife can walk straight into a job that he, the big important breadwinner hmm wouldn't get, I don't know.

letseatgrandma Thu 21-Feb-13 18:36:57

What sort of money is he thinking you will earn?

BeeBawBabbity Thu 21-Feb-13 18:41:04

They do exist. I work school hours, from home 3 days a week, in a well paid job (and flexi-time for those emergency days).

BUT I spent many years training full time before I had kids, and its a specialist job that requires a technical degree. So not really easy to come by.

I agree that it's hard to start in a new job with these arrangements. People who have these privileges tend to have years of experience in the job pre-kids that makes them hard to replace.

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 18:46:11

Is this a recent delusion of his or has he been harping on about it for a while?
Has he ever pulled his weight around the house or with the children?

It sounds as if he is feeling mighty sorry for himself, or feeling unappreciated for his big shot efforts. Or jealous or resentful.
Not very nice.

whattodoo Thu 21-Feb-13 18:46:25

I'm with weegie and inkle. The price I pay for convenience and flexibility is very poor pay.

Its a struggle to fit in the housework and chores, so my DP is well aware that he needs to do his share or agree to a cleaner.

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 18:54:55

It could also be that he feels you are letting him down by being merely the owner of a so far unprofitable business and mother to his children, general cook and bottle washer.

Maybe he has compared you with a colleague's wife and you have come up short? Maybe your lowly status is an affront to him and he thinks he deserves more?

He comes across as someone with a massive self image/insecurity/masculinity problem, thinking he is above housework and childcare.

badguider Thu 21-Feb-13 18:59:33

I have a job like that - it took me two degrees and 13 years of working my ass off with tons of unpaid overtime to get the background to go self-employed.

I now work my own hours from home but there's no guarantee of income and I am not sure yet if it will cover nursery fees (preg with my first).

And I do sometimes (about once every 4-6weeks) have to travel to London/Bristol/Manchester which takes 12-14hrs and DH will have to do nursery drop/pick on those days.

Yes, agree with Babbity, I started my current job on the current flexible p/t basis, but I wouldn't have got it if I hadn't got a scientific degree and 20 years relevant professional experience, most of which was full time and fairly intensive, I took voluntary redundancy when the DCs were 3 and 5 and was extremely fortunate to find my current job.

SizzleSazz Thu 21-Feb-13 19:06:43

Whoknows - are you me? grin

although I am very untechnical

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 19:07:35

Mainly admin jobs with the council whoever asked.

Also even though you cant work from home most part time jobs arent bothered about you ringing in when kids are sick,and you can make back hours,have it as leave or just take it unpaid.

maisiejoe123 Thu 21-Feb-13 19:08:18

I have a role 50% home based and 50% out on the road. However, it took me years and years to earn this flexiblity. Would you take you on if you were running your own business?

And as others have said, ask your DH - would he take you on? If he says there are jobs out tell him you have looked, could he find you one and you will more than happily apply.

If someone is running a business large or small are they really going to take someone on who trys to fit work into her family life with the option to go off at a moments notice, for 'family emergencies'!

Applying for a job like this 'cold' where the enmployers dont know you I think is an impossible task. Start a role and grow into it fine - but to ask for these sorts of terms up front. Well, unless you have some very very desirable skills - I dont think you will get it.

Having said that - the local Sainsbury's - nice area will take people doing school runs etc and offer the hours to match but they are struggling to fill the roles. If you go into an interview saying you want this and this and this, the answer is likely to be 'Next'....

Booyhoo Thu 21-Feb-13 19:08:36

there is a very simple solution to this.
he does the job hunting for this perfect job for you. that will soon open his eyes to the reality.

i would also suggest he book a fortnight off work and run the house as if he were you doing the 9.15-3.00 job and all the house work/shopping/cooking outside of those hours with no help from you and having to call in sick (obviously there would be no job to call in sick to but it gives him the experience of what he's asking you to do) as little jimmy has got a bug.

but he sounds like the sort of arrogant prick who would find such a thing beneath him tbh so wouldn't even entertain teh idea.

bruffin Thu 21-Feb-13 19:15:57

I have had jobs like that.
I worked from home going into office when dcs got older. I did it for 11 years. It was 20 hours a week.
My next job was 5 days a week 9 -3 but I have condensed to 8-5 3 days a weeks as dcs are older and don't need me home. I work with 2 others who do school hours and some of it can be dome from home if needed.

CharlotteBronteSaurus Thu 21-Feb-13 19:22:37

i have a very flexible job.
i work 2.5days per week
most days i do the school run, get into work at 9.15, and leave again at 5

however I am able to do this because one day a month they own my ass, and I might end up working from 9.15am to midnight and beyond, so there is goodwill in the bank. flexibility is definitely a two-way street.

i should also add that for a job requiring postgraduate qualifications and carrying a significant degree of personal responsibility it pays a (relative) pittance.

tkband3 Thu 21-Feb-13 19:23:35

I interviewed for a similar-sounding job in a local primary school a couple of years ago. The hours were 9.15 to 2.45 5 days a week, term-time only. There wouldn't have been any flexibility to work from home if the children were ill or had inset days on different days. It paid about £7,500 p.a. - but this would have been pro-rated for 39 weeks out of 52 - you wouldn't even have been paying income tax on your earnings. Yet, there were over 100 applicants for the job - I got an interview, but didn't get the job.

DorsetLass Thu 21-Feb-13 19:26:04

I have two small children - and as a military wife am on my own for months at a time. The only way I have managed to make work manageable is to do few hours - I am contracted only for 5 hours over two days, and then just take extra ad hoc hours as they need me, but scho holidays I just work to contract. With regard to sickness for children I discussed it after the first bout of chicken pox - immediatly offered to take unpaid time or a annual leave.

It is not the ideal job in that its not as challenging/stimulating/interesting as I like - but I figure children comefiest at this stage, and working keeps me more employable for future opportunities. Good luck negotiating this one - but really do stick to your guns as to what you can manage.

DorsetLass Thu 21-Feb-13 19:26:58

Sorry for the typos - cant do this well from an iPhone!

Sounds like my job. I work for the public sector.

lljkk Thu 21-Feb-13 19:32:01

i do wish people would say what job they are doing that meets OP's specs!!

I know someone with a job like that, she is bank staff admin for the NHS. Catch is that she worked FT doing NHS admin for X-many yrs before that, so she knows all the NHS "ways" of doing things. Plus, as bank staff she has no sick pay, no pension, has to file own taxes...

Some supermarkets have shifts like that, but are rare as hen teeth.

I think dinner ladies & kitchen staff at local high school have jobs like OP describes, too.

I am job hunting hard for last 3 months and have yet to see a single job advertised that meets OP's description.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 21-Feb-13 19:32:51

Has he thought about the 14 weeks cover needed for school hols and INSET days...most jobs only give 4 or 5 weeks leave.

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 19:33:32

What time does the breakfast and after school club open? I have never had my dh take a day off when the children are ill as he loses more pay.I do all pick ups and drop offs to one setting and then go to another setting in the morning.I am doing this over full time hours at the moment.

I dont find it particularly difficult as they are in the club.

ceeveebee Thu 21-Feb-13 19:36:51

I have a job like your second scenario - work 3 days a week 930 to 5 - not locally though, it's 1 hour commute each way. And I can basically please myself about when I come into the office so if I want/need to work from home I can do. Am expected to be on the end of the phone/email 24 hours a day though

But I've been working for this company for 7 years and worked my way up to a very senior level to be able to get that kind of flexibility. The pay reflects that but once the cost of our nanny (we have 1 yr old twins) is taken out of my net pay am pretty much working for NMW.

lljkk Thu 21-Feb-13 19:41:07

The club hours are going to be a problem for me. (7:30am-6pm).All the jobs I applied for are in the city which I was thinking would be 50 minutes drive away (rush hour). DH is laughing this evening saying it will be at least an hour. So I cannot get to work reliably any earlier than 8:40am, realistically. I really need to be back no later than 6:30pm to not screw up DC lives and clubs. DH would have to do the afterschool pick up (before 6pm). What a juggle.

I am expecting to work for ~£1/hour after childcare & travel costs.

scaredysquirrel Thu 21-Feb-13 19:46:31

I have a job like that - I work in a charity. trade off is less pay than if i were doing the same job in the commercial sector (the 9-5.15 job with the flexibility to work from home as needed, not the 9-3 job).

Dh says it's a very convenient job. Convenient for him I say - I end up doing all of the childcare, running around like a blue arsed fly and trying to fit in work around them all. Sometimes I think it would be lovely to be out of the house 8-6 every day and come home to a calm house with no jobs left to do instead I'm the one running back to pick up the children, do the bath/tea/homework thing every day after a full day in the office, and then to pick up emails when they are all in bed.

(I love my job, but because of what it is, not because of its flexibility)

DorsetLass Thu 21-Feb-13 19:47:34

I am a physio working in the private sector x

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 19:50:51

I worked as a nanny for a nice family that allowed me to take a sick child along if I ever needed to as a newly single mother of 5. Hours were 8 to 5 three days a week. Pay was shite and prospects were zero. The DCs fended for themselves after school or I would have actually had to pay for the privilege of working. I used to come home to a bear pit frequently. With the best will in the world they really couldn't tackle the big jobs like laundry or getting dinner on, or doing the grocery shopping. I was always scrambling for lifts for them on really cold or wet days.

The only women I know who work their own chosen hours are a lawyer and an engineer. The lawyer is self employed and does a lot of conveyancing, small business legal admin. The engineer works for a small local civil eng firm checking and double checking columns and columns of figures that a technician could do. She makes just over min wage -- about what I was paid for nannying in fact.

Whyriskit Thu 21-Feb-13 19:52:32

I work 14 hrs a week (2 days) in a professional job in the public sector. I have an hour each way commute. DCs are in nursery/wrap around care from 7.30 - 6.
Sometimes DH has to do pick up/drop off, sometimes I do, it's a juggling act.
If I hadn't worked for 9 years in the same job pre-DC I wouldn't have my employer's goodwill to be flexible when I need it, and it would have been very unlikely I would have found such a part-time role with a different organisation.

SolomanDaisy Thu 21-Feb-13 19:59:58

Yes Chesty, everyone could get admin jobs with councils. The councils making a fair percentage of the 1million public sector job cuts by 2017. Do you follow the news much?

I work 18 hrs a week in an admin job in the public sector. The pay isn't good (£8k per year), it's way below my pre-DC position (FT equivalent is about 1/3 what I used to be on). But it's a 5 minute walk round the corner, and reasonably flexible. It is dull as ditchwater though and I count the hours till home time.

Not sure if the job will exist in 6 months time either.

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 20:12:06

Not just admin jobs with council soloman there are other jobs that do those kind of hours such as care,childcare,cleaning,private sector admin etc

I think the op has lots of options if she is using breakfast and after school clubs as that is normal working hours and lots of jobs are advertised for those hours.

I started out as a TA after staying at home with dd for almost 9 years.
I worked 8.45 til 3, and didn't have to worry about school holiday childcare. Grandparents did the school run, though I could have used wraparound care if this hadn't been possible.
I was offered the job on the basis of experience gained whilst volunteering at dd's school whilst I was a SAHM.

Now dd is at high school my career has progressed and I now work slightly longer hours as a Learning Mentor. This is a much better paid role with more responsibility and I LOVE it. Dd catches the bus to school and is home alone for an hour before I return from work. This arrangement works brilliantly well.

However, the last 3 TAs employed at my school have been university graduates needing experience in a school before embarking on their PGCE, so these roles are much harder to come by now.

SizzleSazz Thu 21-Feb-13 20:16:10

I did get my job externally (after my previous employer of 16yrs couldn't make PT work hmm)

It was however advertised as full time and i got them down to 21 hrs over 3 days. No loss of salary per se, just pro-rata the full time.

To add, I do the lion's share of household chores as dh works 50+ hours. He helps where he can.

IAmLouisWalsh Thu 21-Feb-13 20:17:00

I have seen jobs like that.

Usually for a unicorn trainer, magic wand polisher, tree-money-harvester....

I don't think it's reasonable to dismiss job opportunities on the grounds that your child may occasionally be ill. This is a problem all working parents have to negotiate (unless there are long term health issues, naturally).

BreadForMyBREADGUN Thu 21-Feb-13 20:20:39

So what are you going to do in school holidays if you get this mythical job then?

I do have a job that fits in around school hours BUT I was there full time fir years before mat leave and then negotiated shorter hours on my return, then was lucky to be able to do that again once dc at school

You rarely walk into jobs like this because people like me aren't going to give them up smile

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 20:24:17

You can send them to club in the holidays like 1000s of parents.I think its good for them as they have time with their friends,trips all over the place etc.

lastnightidreamt Thu 21-Feb-13 20:25:22

Did he see the thread about 1700 applicants for 9 jobs at Costa the other day?

Because I would imagine the job he wants you to get would be even more competitive!

(Not saying you wouldn't get it however!)

mathanxiety Thu 21-Feb-13 20:37:14

'care,childcare,cleaning,private sector admin etc'

Part time private sector admin with flex hours and decent pay - rare as hen's teeth. Just because most people could do most admin jobs while half asleep doesn't mean those jobs are available. Those who have them hold onto them.

Childcare - pay is crap. Skills are non transferable. No promotions ever.
Cleaning - pay is crap. Skills are non transferable. No promotion ever.
Care - pay is crap. Skills are non transferable. Promotion to admin possible but rarely on a part time basis with flexibility and usually some experience in admin or education plus experience needed.

Childcare, cleaning and care are dead end jobs.

I don't think this man is interested in his wife doing a job just for the sake of the very little money she could possibly hope to make. He has notions about himself and I think this extends to what his wife should be spending her time at.

Her real problem is that he thinks it's ok to insult her by claiming he is above what she does.

ByTheWay1 Thu 21-Feb-13 20:37:36

Tell him you're off to work as an escort or a stripper - you make a bit of money - hours are flexible and I'm sure he wouldn't mind at all....... wink

WorriedTeenMum Thu 21-Feb-13 20:57:51

ByTheWay1 - escort/stripper - given the constraint on hours this means the lunchtime trade. How does this work if there is a call from school to pick up a poorly child? 'I'll be along in a minute when I have finished Mr Bates and put my clothes back on'

I imagine the school secretary detonating at the stress of trying to find the right form for this!

loho Thu 21-Feb-13 21:03:35

I would disagree that care is a "dead end job"
I am in care, the pay is not great but significantly more than nmw
There are plenty options for moving forward in terms of promotions/ gaining skills and qualifications etc

Snazzynewyear Thu 21-Feb-13 21:06:35

Thing is, Chesty, it will cost the OP to use breakfast club and after school club and as has been noted, these school hours jobs don't tend to pay well, so all that eats into the projected earnings - and given that the husband has said he expects her to earn more this way, I just don't see that happening. I'm not demeaning these jobs myself; I just think the husband has an impossible ideal job in mind.

Plus, what mathanxiety said about him thinking he's above the housework, scut work etc.

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 21:07:42

They all have benefits though mathanxiety childcare is low paid but the good thing about it ia you can look after your children at same time so its money for what your doing anyway.

There are definitely decent jobs in care as I have friends in that sector if you get with the nhs its great.Cleaning you can get decent pay really for what it is and they are all options if op needed work.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Thu 21-Feb-13 21:11:48

Childcare where you look after your own children at the same time (I assume you mean childminding) tends to make taking on the entirety of the housework tricky, plus there's some upfront investment in training etc.

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 21:13:36

No doctrine I meant nursery or school club,but yeah childminding is also an option.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Thu 21-Feb-13 21:22:24

If OP worked in a nursery 8am-6pm, unless it was on the site with the after school club, she'd be late for pick up. She'd also need to take qualifications.

If she worked in an ASC, unless it was her kids' ASC, same problem.

LadyWidmerpool Thu 21-Feb-13 21:23:21

As a line manager I am certainly not 'not fussed' if a PT member of staff can't come in because of a child's ill health. The work has to be done, is sometimes time-critical and rescheduling can be a real PITA. For example you need to be sure a desk is available. Of course I try to be as accomodating as possible and if a person can't come in they can't come in and it isn't their fault but it does cause issues.

stephcat Thu 21-Feb-13 21:28:05

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stephcat Thu 21-Feb-13 21:29:54

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ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 21:30:09

Stephcat- how have you found doing the avon through the recession? I would quite like to do that on top of my job.

stephcat Thu 21-Feb-13 21:38:16

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ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 21:43:21

I work at a nursery with one of my children attending same place,and I have another child at breakfast and afterschool club so maybe between the 2 childcare settings thats a lot of potential customers.Hmm will have a think could be a good idea for extra money toward my holiday smile

stephcat Thu 21-Feb-13 21:44:48

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ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 21:45:29

Will pm you

stephcat Thu 21-Feb-13 21:58:48

sorry, its my first time on here - how do you pm me? does it go via mumsnet? or do you need my email address? sorry just not sure how it works yet

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 22:01:50

Erm it says sent.you go to the inbox if your on your mobile its at top of screen?

lljkk Fri 22-Feb-13 09:25:25

I am constantly looking at council websites and jobs are never advertised (here anyway) for just 9-3 hours or similar. I've seen a few charity admin posts advertised with vague hours that might be 10-2 (but would have to enquire).

TA in school ONLY works if child is well-behaved and attends same school where you work, if you have relatives to help (like MoreCrack) or you resort to before-after school clubs after all.

I have a long list of jobs I have tried a few times only to firmly establish I'm completely rubbish at them, which includes sales, so Avon not for me.

I disagree about cleaning-care-childcare-sales being non-transferable skills, though, there's a lot that can be transferred.

tethersend Fri 22-Feb-13 09:29:15

OP, is your DH a government adviser? grin

Gintonic Fri 22-Feb-13 09:48:18

Unless you are in very serious financial difficulties he is being an absolute idiot. Do you need / want to earn more money? Perhaps he should be finding a job that enables him to pull his weight at home more?

I have a job that almost fits your husband's criteria, however it involves an hour long commute each way, and so my DP is responsible for getting LO ready and dropping off at childcare.

I had my job prior to becoming pregnant and was able to negotiate flexible working because they wanted to keep my expertise. I agree it is very difficult to find any job that fits with school hours, especially a "well paid" one

MoreBeta Fri 22-Feb-13 10:08:12

There are jobs like your DH describes but I think he has to be realistic about the earnings and the availability. They are very much harder to get with the recession.

I am lucky enough to work from home but I have very specialist knowledge.

Jobs that fit school hours, and 3 days a week and flexible are in very high demand and the pay tends to be extremely low as a result.

I have a female friend who became a school secretary but she has a very good degree and working far below her ability. Another woman I know with a PhD and far far better qualified than the Headteacher is also a school secretary.

Call centre operators sometimes work form home during school hours but the criteria are very strict. Public sector and charities used to have a fair number of jobs like that but they are being cut in number and in pay levels.

OBface Fri 22-Feb-13 10:29:00

These sort of jobs only exist IME to those already in a role where their skills and expertise are valued enough for their employer not to want to lose them. Otherwise they are simply not available unless you are willing to undertake an unskilled job with little prospects.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 22-Feb-13 12:30:33

What sort of work are you doing from home? I'm just wondering if he is annoyed because it's a hobby type thing rather than income generating?

I do agree though that school time hours are almost impossible to find. I more or less have them as I went back after mat leave, but I decided to go down a grade in order to actually make it feasibly otherwise they just expected full time output for part time salary.

I have to do all of the drop offs and pick ups as DH is a contractor and his job is an hour commute each way. Occasionally I have to travel and then he just goes in late and finishes early. My parents are too old to assist and we don't have any local relatives although I would help out other parents and they would do the same for me.

What age are your children as well as I don't think you posted that? He may have more of a point if they are in their teens.

I do all our drop offs and pickups as a rule because I have the school hours job, however my employer does occasionally require me to work an entire 8.30-5.30 day, in which case DH has no hesitation in taking time out to pick up the DCs - we can use after school club which helps. He is also willing to take time off when they are sick so I don't have to bear the entire load. My employer knows this and I suspect he may have been a bit more wary of offering me the job if he thought I had no backup whatsoever (he knows my DH, which is how I came to be considered for the job in the first place, it was never advertised).

I also have 5 weeks holiday the same as everyone else, so have to use clubs for school holidays, but I am able to switch my p/t days around in order to not take days off for random events such as harvest festivals.

I do know couples where the husband is a high flyer, away on business, long hours, unable/willing to help with any childcare responsibilities, but in every case they are either happy for the wives to not work, or the wives have family/friends as backup and flexible jobs.

bunchofposy Fri 22-Feb-13 17:01:27

I have a job like that. I work for a publisher, but think I was quite lucky to get those kind of flexible hours in that industry. I pay for it in job satisfaction though!

I am being made redundant next year, and have been job browsing for jobs with similar hours for the past 18 months. The ones I have seen are mainly admin ones at the council, local hospitals or at the University, but I'll admit haven't really been looking elsewhere. Pay isn't great mind.

WishIdbeenatigermum Fri 22-Feb-13 22:45:06

Pay is poor in publishing too- I'm horrified to see posts I applied for 20 years ago still advertised at the same rate shock.

mathanxiety Sat 23-Feb-13 05:50:32

It strikes me that he is jealous of your freedom to work from home. Even though your business hasn't generated a profit, I have an idea that this man feels very sorry for himself and is jealous that your business could in the end generate income without any of the drawbacks his job has. Or he could be just jealous that you are not shouldering the white man's burden...

If you think about it, suggesting you get a job when you are getting your own business off the ground is a huge insult to your business and your capacity to make something of it.

bunchofposy Sat 23-Feb-13 13:56:42

WishId, I agree ref publishing pay!

OP I agree with math that you could really do with your DH's support to see if you can make something of your business, before looking elsewhere.

prozacbear Sun 24-Feb-13 12:48:43

I've come to this late - but as a recruiter for a large business I can tell you that I have never and probably would never recruit someone on this basis. And I say that as a mother who is VERY sympathetic to people who need flexi-time or other considerations.

I have just about managed to wrestle flexi-time from my employers, on the understanding that I make up the time on days I'm not flexi, and am 'on call' (phone and email) on the days I am flexi. My career hasn't stalled (thank the lord) but only because DS goes to nursery 7.30am-6pm every day - thankfully he loves it, but it's not ideal.

There are no perfect solutions, but if you CAN make your business work (if your business plan is solid and there's a market, why not, I see it happen every week) then that's probably a great option.

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