All the perks at work are structure to benefit the working men with SAHWives/Partners. I am starting to feel narked but can I do something about it?

[Liplop]

I have namechanged so please don't out me if you recognise me!

I work in an office where all the other senior people are men with SAHW. The CEO is a man with a SAHW. He has live in childcare/cleaners/housekeepers. All their children go to private school (mine go to state school and dh works).

Coming up, we have a meeting where we are all expected to travel to. It has been deliberately arranged in the private school holidays (so not state holidays) so they can bring their wives and children with them.

Obviously, my children are at school and my husband is at work so they can't come so I will be the only one there without my family.

This is just one example.

I believe it could be argued that they are just catering to the majority and it just happens that the majority are men with SAHW but it just makes me feel a bit..isolated I suppose is the word.

Do you think I should make a suggestion or just lump in with the majority?

[PfftTheMagicDragon]

Your OP suggests that they are catering towards those in the private school sector, not those with SAHP....

[ssd]

sounds like a fairly typical workplace to me

[TheCrackFox]

I feel sorry for their wives and DCs having to trail around after their DH's.

TBH it really sounds like your company caters towards private schools.

[Miggsie]

Almost all work places, working hours and pensions are designed for men with SAHW...just look how the system treats any woman and the resultant lower earnings she will have.

It may be worth mentioning it, but I don't expect they will even understand let alone do anything about it.

[Bonsoir]

Change company!

DP's exW works in a company like this, totally geared towards senior people being men with SAHWs. She goes on long business trips to Africa etc with game park visits. It's OK for her as DP and I pick up the slack re childcare, homework etc but she would find it hard to cope if we weren't there for her.

DP works in a company where there are 95% women, most of them of childbearing age. He hardly ever travels overnight! Bliss!

[Paolosgirl]

It sounds as if it's a particular type of workplace

I think you have to lump in with the majority on this occasion, but I wouldn't be able to hold my toungue and would probably say something about the state schools not being off at the same time and ask if there was an opportunity to schedule future meetings when the 2 sectors overlap?

[LIZS]

Now you see if I bother to think about it , mine is opposite . Designed to work best for women with children at state schools or who have left home. Long distance meetings are timed during the state school terms but often not overlapping with private (as dc are) so to go I need ad hoc childcare. Swings and roundabouts. tbh You sound overly chippy, perhaps you should have a rethink jobwise if such gets you down ?

[Bonsoir]

If only school holidays were fixed the same for everyone, as in France - it would make life so much easier.

[MadBadandCoveredinTinsel]

What I find strange is the idea of taking family to a business meeting. Would this be at company expense? With the shareholders' approval?

I can see that there may be other issues where company policies disadvantage women, but I think there are better battles to fight than over taking family to a business meeting.

[stickylittlefingers]

it would be the same if it were OP's DH - I think it's a matter of families with two ft working parents, rather than a woman's issue - it's just that the leg'n has meant that it's easiest to tackle such issues from a woman's point of view, and of course that women have often been the ones bearing the brunt, though that is not at all always the case now (thinking of my DP and a lot of the people we know).

I would say something, not in a victimised way, but just to point out that your children will not be on holiday at that time. As for spouses, there's not much to be done about that, I guess, unless it takes place at a weekend (not sure how that would go down, even with you?)

[UnquietDad]

The only office jobs I have ever done were in the vol-com sector, largely populated with women - and to a lesser extent men - with school-age children. Always hugely understanding when it comes to flexibility for time off. I have to say - I've always had female bosses and have found that helps too....

[juuule]

I think it's strange to be taking the whole family on business trips. As madbad says, who pays for the families to go?

[MadBadandCoveredinTinsel]

I am wondering whether this is really a jolly for senior staff and their families, dressed up as a fairly minimal sort of "meeting"? In which case, it would be irritating to feel excluded but I still feel that it would be better to focus one's energies on issues that are more central to one's terms and conditions of employment.

[Liplop]

yes it's a jolly dressed up as a meeting (so that everyone gets a treat for all the hard work). There will be some work done but the emphasis is on going together as a family to a very nice resort.

as I said in my OP this is just one example (so it's not just private schools bias) - there are other events that have happened very last minute that I have been expected to attend (which could have been planned but they tend not to plan because they don't need to as they can just go overseas at the drop of a hat as they have someone at home covering the childcare) that have put me in great difficulty (organisationally!). I did then sit down and speak to them about this but they seemed amazed that someone could get so senior and not be able to get on a plane at 9pm having booked the flight that afternoon! I have made suggestions (to plan better) and they have listened but they just seem surprised!

with the economy the way it is, I can't just change jobs.

[Liplop]

yes you're right madbad. I am probably irritated at not being able to take everyone for a treat.

I should probably just get back to work !

[MadBadandCoveredinTinsel]

As I said, I can understand your irritation.

I also wonder whether your colleagues even register that their children's school holidays are not the same as yours? If they leave all the running of their home lives to their wives, they may be blissfully unaware!

Do you have a secretary/PA? Could you institute some sort of regular diary planning meeting for all the PAs, where they pencil in the dates for jollies important team building exercises, overseas business trips and so on? If you can prime your PA to say "Liplop's school holidays fall then, let's see when they overlap with your manager's dcs'" it might nip some of this in the bud. And you don't need to big up the private/state school issue - which might make you look chippy - it's just about different schools.

Speaking as someone whose most distant business trip was to Preston, I think you probably do need to accept that any senior job can entail long-distance travel at short notice. If things are getting out of hand, you could try the alternative track of lobbying for the company to reduce its overheads and its carbon footprint by cutting back on foreign trips and/or inessential residential events, but would you really want that?

[deepdarkwood]

I wonder if there's something more fundmental going on here - if all the other staff at your level can afford SAH Partners & private schools & 'staff', I expect they assume that you can at least afford a nanny to 'mop up' childcare if needed - any chance you are being dramatically underpaid in comparison to your work colleagues?

As it goes, I would say something - along the lines of "It's such a shame that this meeting was organised when my kids are at school. Next time we have this sort of meeting planned, perhaps we could check diaries before booking to ensure everyone's families can make it?"
Although tbh, if it's only a few days, can you not take your kids out of school/get hubby to have a few days off (I recognise this doesn't solve the 'real' problem)

[UnquietDad]

It sounds to me as if ordinary people's working situations are just not on their radar.

[Speckledeggy]

Don't fight it just do what you can. If that means going away without your family then so be it. A lot of bosses live in some other stratosphere. They assume everyone has the same support systems. How I wish I could come home to a clean house, dinner on the table and ironed clothes in the wardrobe!

In the main, businesses are run by men with wives at home and in the office (their PA). Unfortunately, I'm the latter. A previous (stinking rich multi-millionaire) boss thought I was joking when I told him that no, I wouldn't action emails received from him on my Blackberry at just before midnight because I was too knackered working 10 hour days and trying to keep my home life on track. I told him I couldn't afford a cleaner, ironing lady, gardener and personal shopper on the salary he was paying me. His jaw just dropped. He wouldn't help me with my workload or increase my salary so I voted with my feet and just left. It was the right decision for me.



I needed time to put the washing on, do the ironing, go shopping, cook dinner

[stealthsquiggle]

DH and I juggle this all the time - we both have jobs where it is more or less assumed that you can be wherever you need to be at the drop of a hat, and yet don't pay enough for us to afford a nanny.

We both say no sometimes (TBH I do more often than he does - but I earn a lot less) - but not always. And then we run around in circles to sort the logistics (usually with help from my mother).

If it's a jolly I would be severely tempted to take the DC out of school and go anyway.

[PollyTechnique]

thesecondcoming - wow, what a decision to make, re your dd's op.

What did you do in the end [nosey]