Working with your partner? Does he respect what you do?

[Frustogirl]

I have been working wiht my partner for a long time now and an issue has arisen that has made me doubt whether he respects me and my abilities.For a long time I have been only able to work behind the scenes (babies childcare etc) but now my kids have been at school a while and I can be more out and about he is refusing to let me go to face to face meetings wiht clients. On the grounds that I dont need to as I havent before. I want to learn more about the business but find I am trapped intp an admin role I dont want . I think he sees me as a not capable ofexpanding my role.
I have to go out now but would appreciate any comments or responses form anyone in a similar situation

[Tortington]

i thnk its about the release of power - as knowledge is indeed power. i think you should suggest a swapping of roles - there is a strong argument to do this - as if something ever happened whether illness or death to the other perosn then you would be up sh*t street.

if being reasonable doesn't work, i usually fall back on the tried and tested method of having an all out argument and regurgatating everything horible and inconsiderate they have ever done - untilyou wear them down.

i would go for the first option to begin with

[Frustogirl]

You're making me laugh and i'm in a filthy mood. So thank you. I've been out walking around trying to sort out a clear argument but I'm still fuming. I cant swap roles sadly as he is very IT and I am not but I know I have more to offer than filing . But I also know i dont want to give up the high level of involvement I have with their lives (sound too much like having my cake?)
What I cant get over is the sneaking suspicion that somehow he might be embarassed of me or not feel I have anything more of value to contribute, or that i might say something inappropriate like call him Darling mid meeting!
Ah well maybe you're right maybe I should just rant a bit and get it off my chest!

[Tortington]

i think am right too think this needs a discussion might be a loud discussion but then you will knwo where you are up to or whether you are just lacking confidence and have some paranoi arising from that - or whether he is just a twat good luck!

get some IT training babe!!!

[Frustogirl]

Thanks mate! Learndirect here I come!

I prefer would prefer it if it was as simple as him being a twat - I could ride that one on my high horse. But sadly he is not I think it is more subtle than that. I'm also worried if I start ranting I may not stop and may say unforgiveable things. Maybe this is the best thing for me to keep a back seat and be free to be there for the kids if they need me and pick and chose my hours. I just hate feeling he doenst want me there. It is not a logisitic problem it's something going on in his head. I'm sure of it.

[triceratops]

Perhaps you could do some marketing and bring in a new client. I know that my dh is very possessive of "his" clients and does not like me to get too involved with them.

What are your strengths? If you run an IT company and you are out of date with the technology perhaps you would be better in a sales role. Would you be any good at IT training? this is something saleable and useful that most IT guys do badly and hate. My SIL recently did a graphic design course and she has joined our company as a web designer, she doesn't know much IT but she is a great designer (she used to design bedding for mothercare).

There is nothing wrong with admin by the way, the company could not run without it and if he is anything like other IT people I know he would be terrible at it. If all else fails you could always start your own company.

[Tortington]

please dont let it carry on - it will do your head in and then your insides will rot with loathing and hatred.

just a calm talk - write down your points so he cant give you a brush of answer

[Frustogirl]

Ok he is back and we are going to talk after supper. I feel a bit sick but have written out my points Custardo. I need to sound convincing not whingeing.

TTops - I agree marketing and sales is what I should do, which is why I am nervous about the possibility that he has an issue with me being out there with clients. I actually think I am quite presentable (double checks in mirror).I have bought clients in over the phone but all face to face has been done by him.Do you work wiht your dh or in parallel to him?
I dont undervalue the work I do - he does, but I also know that I can do more. Have done more in my previous incarnation.

[Skribble]

My DH is my line manager and we've just had an argument about what time I can get to work next week, it doesn't help that I have another job. He says I do a great job and he really trusts me, but I often think he just says that when he can't get anyone else to work, I have been left off some important training course, he just says I will go on the next one. .

[Frustogirl]

Skribble sounds like my kind of anxiety! How do you manage it?
We did sit down and talk and I managed to explain my point of view wihtout crying or ranting! He says he is very controlling and feels like he needs to do everything but has promised to let me go to the next meeting to see whether he can cope. He swears he is not embarassed of me!

In meantime I have enrolled myself on a business course starting after the summer and am going to look at starting a business idea I had a long time ago. Also I have asked him how he feels about giving me the same amount of support with the house and children as I have given him while since he started this business. That surprised him a bit.
I have decided to pull myself together.

[SenoraPostrophe]

frustogirl, what kind of IT do you do?

dh and I run a web programming/design business and I also do most of the admin. The big difference is that I am also second programmer, project manager and marketing dude and I do do client meetings.

But I think the only reason i can do client meetings is because I also have a very good understanding of what's involved. The problem with non-IT people doing meetings is that they often tell the client that a load of really awkward things are possible (and usually they tell them they can have them by next tuesday). It really is much better that meetings are done by one who knows...

[Gwenick]

Definitley agree a discussion is in order (preferabbly the 'civilised' sort but if not possible 'loud' would be fine).

Dh is the managing director of our business, I'm 'only' a manager. BUT he lets me get on with my 'side' of things, including speaking on the phone (which I hate doing as I've got a bit of a phone phobia when it comes to anything other than 'chat') to our suppliers in South Africa.

[Skribble]

Thats the way to do it Frusto if you can't join him, beat him and out do him .

I hate the way he will start to talk about some issue at work and if I take a different viewpoint He gets p*ssed off and says I'm not talking about work all night, but he will take phone calls off employees all night . I have my own flegling business that he takes no interest in, and I get no priority for getting the kids looked after if I have business stuff to do.

He has said that if I can make more profit than he earns he will gladly give up work and look after the kids. I suppose that should be my goal to prove him wrong!!!