Need to toughen up before 12 noon today!

[Joy27]

Urgent help needed...

Some work I did recently wasn't up to scratch, apparently. My boss has summoned me to come and see him to go through where I went wrong.

Feedback will be useful, but my problem is that I will almost certainly cry!
I have already been crying since he called me this morning to tell me I'd messed up.

My boss is a nice guy/good boss but a bit of a Gene Hunt character... he won't be impressed if I well up. And I will be so embarrassed, especially as another colleague is going to be there. I'll feel so unprofessional.

So I need some tips on how to get through it without crying. In the long term I need to work on how I take criticism... but in the short term I just need to work out how to stem the waterworks.

Anybody??

[CanterburySnails]

Not sure I can help, but wanted to wish you well.
Would it make it easier if you started the meeting by saying that you are cross with yourself that you didn't live up to your own standards, and that that frustration can make you tearful. You can then follow it up by saying please ignore it if I do get upset, as I do really want to hear your feedback.
Or something like that maybe?

[mrsgboring]

Best way I've found of preventing tears is to put something in my mouth. Can you pretend you've got a sore throat and take a glass of water in? If you get a little wobbly voiced it can be put down to the sore throat too, and you can cough if you want to compose yourself or give yourself a thinking space.

[HeadFairy]

Try and work on thinking about your meeting as something positive, it's a way to improve what you do and work out where you're going wrong, if you need more support or training. Don't think of it as a bollocking but more of a discussion about how to work more effectively. Good luck, and if you feel yourself welling up, busy yourself reading something or looking out the window (pretend you're thinking deeply) and then take several large deep breaths, tell yourself "this is a positive process, it will help me be better" over and over again.

[georgiemum]

Take a deep breath. Go in with a smile and be ready to accept where you have gone wrong - and do stand up for yourself. Take notes and ask how you can do things better/in a different way.

It's going to be OK - really. You won't cry! He isn't the devil, and wants you to improve and get on with your job.

Be professional, calm and composed. Take a glass of water and sip it slowly. If you feel like you are filling up, take a deep breath, sip of water and smile. Almost act as if you are someone else in that room - someone who is confident, in control and cry-proof! You have my permission to cry in the loos by yourself afterwards!

Even if you do cry a little, try to laugh it off 'oh here come the water works!'.

[Joy27]

Brilliant advice, thanks so much!

I will go armed with a glass of water, a notebook to stare at intently, and a positive mental attitude.

I think it is also a good idea to forewarn my boss in a jokey way that I am a bit of a wet blanket (he's always telling me I'm too soft so won't be overly surprised).

I might also picture him naked.

Thanks again, it's really helpful.

[georgiemum]

Not baked - you will giggle!

good luck

[Joy27]

Well, baked or naked, Georgiemum, either would make me giggle

So I went to see him, armed with water. I said when we started "it's really good to get feed back, but I just have to warn you I get upset very easily. So if I cry, it's not because you're being harsh, it's just the way I am". And he said kindly (well, also slightly witheringly) "I know".

Then whenever I felt like crying, I took a sip of water, and made sure I asked lots of constructive questions so as not to wallow in shame and self-flagellation.

Thanks so much again, would have been embarassing puddle of tears without your help ladies! Now feel quite strong and perhaps have turned a corner towards iron lady-dom (not that Iron Lady, you understand!).

[georgiemum]

Fab! Well done!

baked indeed. Maybe this is a new strategy. Imagining someone in a big pie with their head sticking out the top with a sprig of parsley.

Must improve my typing!

[HeadFairy]

Well done, always good to turn anything slightly scary in to a positive experience.

[Joy27]

Haha, yes georgiemum- you should sell that as a self-help technique, you could make a mint!

[georgiemum]

I do kind of (work part time as a therapist). Don't make a mint though!!