I have had a job for 4 months - a job that I thought I would love, in a newly created role within education/social care sector.
I am very good at what I do, and along with one of my colleagues, over qualified and with lots of experience but both happy to be doing something very worthwhile so not too bothered -or so we thought. My colleague is due to retire in the next 10 years and is winding down on the employment front but he is excellent and far smarter and wiser than me. He shares the same concerns as me but is far better at accepting the situation.
There are a lot of politics involved and as workers on the ground we get a lot of crap from all angles and have to do a lot of defending of our line manager's decisions about the role. Across the county we are the only team to deviate wildly from the Government spec. for the post but in truth this shows great forward thinking and the dynamic style of our line manager and so I am happy to defend her on this til the cows come home. However, she is also flaky, awfully organised, vague and petty with near non existent managerial skills. She has made a joke out of something serious because she didn't know how to handle it, she will try and make you look incompetent in steering group meetings to cover her own failings and I get a lot of credit and knowing looks from people far senior to her when I work off site so I kind of know it's not me. However, raised eyebrows and bitchy sympathy arenb't goign to help me, it just helps me focus on remembering I am doing my job well.
My problem is, I do not have a halo to polish because I have had to take a lot of days off sick because my children have been ill over the last term and I am a lone parent, plus I had to take some time off in Dec due to a very personal difficulty and it is clear that this has caused no end of difficulty back in the office. I feel a real failure for this and 2 days at the end of last term I did not go in simply because I couldn't face the music and the snidey comments from my line manager. To be honest, I think the situation is depressing me on top of difficult circumstances at home. I want to go in and enjoy work not have my good, hard graft pulled apart by a line manager who can't accept that I work faster and better than she thinks I'm capable, and have been delegated some of her responsibilities by her manager. She hates me for this I think.
Anyway, what I'm saying is, I am applying for a far more senior post this week which I may get but would be lucky to, if not I only have this job which is massively getting me down, shall I plough on, take some sick leave and come back when I feel better able to cope with the atmosphere, or resign?
To give you another perspective of the weird work atmosphere, all 3 of my colleagues have had years of therapy between them, one tried to commit suicide not that long ago, I struggle with feeling low at times and I don't know if I can cope with this kind of atmosphere. Our team meetings are like counselling and go on for 3 hours plus sometimes.
God it all just gets too much! Help!
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I am dreading my return to work - wondering whether resignation would be better but what about future prospects?
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scaredofmonday · 02/01/2009 12:24
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