Has anyone ever made the conscious decision to live off benefits??

[moominsmummy]

My DH has MS and is getting progressively worse - it's likely he will get medical retirement within a year or so. He needs some looking after on his bad days and certainly needs me to run him to the hospital appointments etc.

I am currently pregnant with our second child and am wondering if we'll be better off if i don't return to work after mat leave. at the moment I work 4 days a week (with hour and a half commute each way), have to drop off and pick up DS from nursery, do all the household stuff, do all the diy stuff, manage the finances, help DH look after FIL's affairs as he is in nursing home. I spend all my annual leave taking DH to appointments or for when DS is poorly. No actual holidays at all.

once the baby is here the money will be even tighter and I just wonder if we would all be better off on benefits - I think we would financially - but what about the loss of my career and the way i would feel about being reliant on benefits - not sure how i feel about being at home full time

anyone any experiences in this sort of thing??

[expatinscotland]

so you'll have a disabled husband and two young children.

yes, i'd pack in the job. you've enough on your hands with all that.

you can always go back to work later, when your kids are in school or older.

[LynetteScavo]

I'm trying to find the right words, but am struggling. - It's a bit too close to home for me.

Have you thought about the future when your DH needs more help, and you have to be with him constantly, or have someone be with him?Would you then look back and wish you'd stayed at work longer?

[moominsmummy]

thanks folks - guess it helps to think it may only be for a few years

lynette - hope you're ok - wouldn't mind sharing your situation if you are up to it but will understand if not

I have already made the conscious decision NOT to be a full time carer for my husband - it may sound mean but we've had nearly 40 years of our lives and normality - but I want to be careful not to inflict the limited lifestyle of chronic illness onto the children - I think we would consider residential care if it got that bad - don't want kids not able to bring their friends home or never able to go anywhere and I know DH doesn't want that either - it's such an unpredictable illness that i have now learnt only to take one thing at a time - if you try to look into the future it's just too overwhelming - and ruins your day!

[Zazette]

Could you get a job much closer to home? or move closer to your job? I changed from a job with a 75-90 min each way commute to one I can walk to in under half an hour (or grab a taxi and be home in 5 or 10 mins if need be), and it has made my life SOOOO much better. That long commute sounds like a killer, on top of everything else you're doing.

Sorry you're in this hard situation

[hercules1]

No rewards for being a martyr.

[hercules1]

What I mean is the system is there for people like you and should be used if you wish.

[LynetteScavo]

Moominsmummy, my Dad (who died last year) had MS.

I think everyone who wants to should stay at home with their children for the first few years of their lives.

[LynetteScavo]

....even if it means being on benefits.

[alfiesbabe]

I think if you feel giving up work is the right thing, then the system is there to support people in your kind of situation isnt it? It's not as though you're just choosing to not work and sit around all day, so I dont think you should feel any guilt. But you sound as though you may NEED the outlet of work, and that giving up your career may be something you;d regret, so I wouldnt rush into it. What do you want for the long term?

[Zazette]

btw, I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't live on benefits - agree with those who say that a situation like yours is exactly what the benefits system is for. Just wanted to suggest that it might be worth exploring some intermediate steps - perhaps it doesn't have to be an 'all or nothing' choice?

[moominsmummy]

job closer to home sounds like it could be a good idea - as much as i am looking forward to the new baby I know i will go insane doing childcare day in day out - especially as we'll have to limit spends on outings

i would like to have a career - although don't mind if i take a break for a while - i currently work as an HR Manager but not sure that's what i really want to stay in anyway - maybe time for a change - be good if i could find something to do term time only to make it easier when kids are at school

[ssd]

in answer to op -yeah my neighbours