can someone see a solution to childcare/ employment

[weeonion]

ok folks - this is a bit of a rant and an offload so bear with me. i cant think of a workable solution to dp and I working and still having our dd 9mths in childcare. i have posted on these issues before but it all seems too much. some of you might be thinking - "well, what did she think she was getting into?" or - "stop bloody whinging". if so - you may well be right but it would be nice if anyone had any constructive ideas?
i have PND and find it hard to problem solve at the moment. wee things send me in a tailspin and am finding this hard to resolve.
the situation=
we live in glasgow. we have no family close by - mine in ireland and dp's all over. there is no chance of anyone being able to look after dd.
none of our friends are able to help out with childminding.
we both work full time. dp as a nurse close to home and, me as a development manager for a charity in edinburgh, which takes about 2 1/2 hours commute each way.
we have a nursery place for 3 days a week - found a really nice, small place with family atmosphere, open 8am - 6pm. it is right on my route into glasgow to catch coach to work.
there are no baby places at the 4 other nursies in the area but I do have our name down. 3 of those are local authority run and i have been told that i stand to next to zero chance of getting a place.
We cant do the nursery drop off / pick up due to work hours. i leave @ 5.30am and get home around 7.30pm - some nights it has been after 8.30 due to traffic / travel probs. DP works 6.45am - 7.15pm shifts but has been allowed to not work on a tues / wed so he can be at home with dd.
he gave up a good job with more money to change to this job in june so as he would finish his nurse training and have better longer term prospects and also be able to look after the baby as he works 4 days in a week. this was factored into him taking a massive pay cut.
I put in a request to work to be able to be based in glasgow 2 days a week. i could therefore drop dd off and collect her from nursery. i also asked to change my hours slightly to allow for this on a monday as well. this request has been turned down and we are now waiting to hear back from my appeal hearing.
we checked out how we could get her picked up / dropped off and found a sitter service but this would bring childcare to £100 a day. we cant afford this and i didnt want dd to be passed around from pillar to post with no guarantee of the same sitter at any time.
others on MN suggested getting a nanny and i was very kindly given a contact. this nanny is not available and through agencies - they think it will be difficult to get someone 2 days a week. i have registered with a nanny share site but theres not too many folks looking this in the east end of glasgow.
i have appts for next week with 2 nanny agencies. Yhe cost will still be around £100 / day due to hours and agency fees but dd would at least have the same person to care for her.
I can only financially manage this for the short term, hoping i can get a job in glasgow in the meantime. we cannt afford for me to not work as i am the main breadwiner. we could not get by on dps wages.
i have been looking for work in glasgow but there is none that I am experiened in or will pay the money we need to get by.
dp has looked into agency work. He has thought of doing nights while also looking after dd through the day. this can only be a very short term solution.
the nursery we have a place for has let me know today that they are being closed down and moving to another nursery within the same chain. this new nursery will now be treble the size of the with 22 baby places instead of 6 at the old one. the location is also twice the distance away and completely off my travel route. i will no longer be able to do the drop off and still make it to work within my hours.
I am due back next week but my GP has signed me off sick for 4 weeks due to the PND. it has got worse recently and i am finding it hard to cope.
Work will freak as my assistant who was doing my mat cover has resigned as he feels he can no longer work with my boss. this means the project will be unstaffed while i am on sick leave. i also hate having any sick leave on my record - especially anything to do with mental health while i am looking for a new job.

after that lengthy purge - is there a solution you can come up with that seems workable. If there is anyone who feels i am just a moaning minnie - i would really appreciate it if you wouldnt let me know.

[scatterbrain]

Oh poor you - that sounds like a nightmare !!

Commuting 5 hours a day really is horrendous for you - I have 2 hours a day and am desperate to stop that !

I guess it depends how much you love that job - if it was me I thnk I'd be telling them that I'm not coming back unless they agree to my terms.

Also I hate to tell you - this is the easy bit when your dd is a baby - it will get much much worse when she starts school and you have school holidays to contend with.

Could you move to Glasgow ? Presumably nurses are needed everywhere ? Have you looked into nurseries near your work ? At least that way you'd get to spend the commute with your dd - although I'm not sure 5 hours a day very enjoyable with a baby !

Unfortunately - something's gotta give - and if you're not careful it will be you !!!

[blueshoes]

weeonion, it seems to be that with you and dh working ft and not being able to do the drop-off and pick-up, that you need in-house care ie ft nanny - which is the most flexible type of care.

Now that the nursery is giving your notice, can you afford a ft nanny 4-5 days a week? Perhaps dh could up his hours to cover the cost.

Alternatively, have you looked into childminders in your area? You would be looking for quite long hours for a cm, but some might be amenable.

[weeonion]

blueshoes - hi there. i have looked for a CM but there is none in our area. the nearest is 30 mins drive away from my commute route.
scatter - hi to you too! i work in eburgh but work in g'go. we have talked about buying there but cant afford house/flat prices. i did think of dd in a nursery close to work but am not keen on the idea of her doing that commute on a bus with me. plus getting her up at 4.30am doesnt seem humane!

[scatterbrain]

No I wouldn't want my dd doing that commute with me either - you know I think you've either got to move or get a job back in Edinburgh. I just don't think that commute is possible every day when you have a little one - and especially as you have PND - it's too much to expect yourself to do. I couldn't do it !

[somersetmum]

Hmm. It must be a pretty special job for you to put up with a two and a half hour commute, even before you had your dd

What would happen if you both went part-time? Let's say you work three days and your dh works three, including one day at the weekend? That way, you could both cover each other's childcare and both get to spend quality time with your dd. You would not have any childcare bills or any worries about what happens if your dd is sick or the nursery closed.

Have you investigated Working Tax Credits? They will pay up to 70% of your childcare costs if you qualify.

[Twinklemegan]

I'm afraid I agree that you need to move or get another job (or your DP needs to give up his job). You will go slowly (or not so slowly) mad doing a commute like that when you have a youngster at home. I commute an hour and a half each way (including walking to station time) and there is absolutely no way I would do any more. I leave the house at 6.45am and get back in at 6pm. It's horrendous and only workable in any way because DH is a SAHD.

[PeachesMcLean]

Hi weeonion, I don't think you're moaning. i think you're really pee'd off and can't see the wood for the trees. In your situation I'd feel just the same.
Why did work turn down your request to change your hours? That sounds an ideal solution. Also, I guess that getting the coach to edinburgh takes much longer than a car would. I assume you can't drive / or don't have a car - can you car share with someone? much quicker than the coach surely.

[Quattrocento]

Wee have you thought of a childminder rather than nursery or nanny care? It might be a bit more flexible and easier to find?

Good luck

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Can you not give up the nursery place and use a nanny full time? That way no travelling for the little one and you should be able to cover the hours.

[alfiesbabe]

God - nightmare!! It sounds horrendous, but I'm sure there must be a solution ... many of us are in the situation of having no family around to help, and tbh (don't mean to depress you) but wait till you have 2 or 3 kids to juggle!
The nursery thing sounds like a non starter to me, as the key issue seems to be around drop off and pick ups. I would do the following:

• look again at the nanny option. Try for a F/T nanny and forget about nursery, at least then you know what you're getting for a fixed price.
• think about a childminder. Could still be tricky with your early starts and finishes, but at least your dp can look after dd 2 days a week which helps
• in the mean time look for another job

consider moving house
That commute sounds ghastly!

[devonsmummy]

you say you can't afford for you not to work - could you afford for dp to not work?

[posieflump]

It sounds to me like you and dp need to sit down and think over your whole circumstances
Is it feasible for you to move closer to your job and dp to leave work and look after your baby? Also for the sake of your health such a long commute and all that time away from your child must be contributing to your PND.You really need to rethink your life/work balance imo

[morningpaper]

This charity sounds rubbish - charities are normally great at allowing work from home and flexible working.

If you are a dev. manager you must SURELY be massively in demand, and lots of charities have part-time dev. posts - I know because I've done it myself! Why not look for part-time work near home? You will save a FORTUNE in both childcare and petrol. You could perhaps do a bit on the side such as self-employed training or extra development work?

You are in a great career for flexible and part-time working - look around and I'm SURE you will find other options for your career.

[posieflump]

agree with MP
also put all your incomings and outgoings down and see how much you can really manage with
you would save loads not commuting an dnot paying for childcare
one of my friends other halves has told her that once they have a baby she will not be able to go part time because they can't afford it
of course they can if they are prepared to let go of some of their extravagant lifestyle
something to think about maybe?

[morningpaper]

apply for this

[morningpaper]

and this

[morningpaper]

and this one is part home-based

[RubySlippers]

i also work for a charity and work 2 days per week from home

a lot of what you do could surely be done at home - searching for funding etc is mainly done online/phonecalls etc

my commute is around 2 hours per day when i go to the office, and yours is double that

something has to give ... i am surprised the charity turned your application for felxible working down ...

also, have you thought about nanny sharing - this may well reduce the costs of your childcare

[Oblomov]

Goodness me, what a nightmare. Unfortunately, I think there are a number of things that need to be addressed here.
We too have no one, so do understand.
It is probably easier to get yourself a nanny, full time, and then ask if anyone wants to nanny-share her ( with her permission, of course), for the days you don't need her, rather than trying to get a nanny-share in the first place. This would make this a bit more manageable finance wise.
What conclusions are you coming to ?

[morningpaper]

A good development manager is always desperately sought-after IME. If you explained that you were moving from your glam job in Edinburgh because you had a baby and wanted to work nearer to home, I'd imagine that any charity worth it's salt would be rubbing its hands together with glee at the chance of working with you.

[Oblomov]

There are lots of people who can help you with appeals for flexible. I too may be facing this soon. What is happening on that front ?

[RubySlippers]

FWIW, fundraisers/development officers are always in demand

start looking for something else - have your tried here third sector

and here scvo

[RubySlippers]

x-post with MP about the demand for development officers

in the 8 years i have been working as a FR, i have been headhunted twice and never been out of work - not showing off, but the demand is always there IME

[morningpaper]

Agree Rubyslippers

To be honest I can't think of a better career if you want flexible or part-time working - you need to make the most of this and apply for a job nearer home.