Not sure if dh keen on anymore children

[emfjh]

Ds approaching 2 & we always said we wanted another but I get the feeling from dh that parenthood wasn't as he thought (struggled with it from offset) & that our rel'ship has changed so much that adding another child into the equation will make situation worse.
We were planning to try starting to get preg again this month but can't see it happening really. Feel quite sad about it & not sure how to approach it with him. Feel quite sad about it. Love ds to bits but would so dearly love another.
Anyone been there too...........?

[fingerwoman]

yes, I was in the same sit as you. We'd planned to have another at a particular point and then dp said he wasn't sure.
I was absolutely devastated, so much so that he was really shocked at how strongly I felt about it lol
Anyway, we had some really long talks about it. Why he felt unsure, what we could do to make it easier, how we could overcome the problems he foresaw with having another child.
We decided to wait, and I am now 35 weeks pregnant with number 2.

so, my advice is talk to him- a lot. you can't do anything unless you know exactly how he feels about it all
(good luck!)

[mustsleep]

am in kind of the same situation

ds is five dd is two soon and would love to have another but dh isn;t keen at all

he says it's more the money aspect etc nd i have siad to him that i don;t want another right now but i would in a year or two i am only 26 and don;t want to just say point blank that's it no more kids

although i think if it actually happened he would come round wouldn;t want to take the risk

[mummydoc]

it was other way round in our house, i really did not ever want another child as had found motherhood nothing like i imagined , eventually dh oersuaded me and dd2 is the light of my life, she is just about to be 3 and all my fears of doubling all the issues / problems were just that fears and they have all evaporated, parenting your second child is a walk in the park after the shock of parenthood for the first time... hope you can help your dh see that.

[NAB3]

You need to talk to him. Approach it in such a way that it is to talk about having another child and not are we still trying from this month? Good luck.

[NAB3]

I was adamant I wasn't having anymore after the trauma of number 1's birth and getting PND afterwards. DH said he always knew we would have more. We now have 2 boys who are 6.5 and 2 and a girl of 4.

[emfjh]

So glad others have been/are there too! Was beginning to think it's just me!
I've loved every minute of motherhood (well ok, most minutes!) but he has just seen it as one obstacle followed by another, & we've argued over such silly things (mainly about ds, esp re who does what with him etc - me at home, dh works all hours & doesn't think he should do anything as it's my job, bla bla bla) & our rel'ship has really changed, & I think, suffered because of the disagreeing. And so for, him, I think thinking of no. 2 just makes him want to run in the opposite direction.
Yes, talking will help, but that in itself is tricky as usually 'proper talking' (rather than the odd grunt whilst dh watching TV/reading paper/playing on PC (Grrr!) is after glass of wine & this can lead to further dispute rather than nice talk!! (HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!)

[tinytotmummy]

I'd always wanted 3, and had always assumed we would have however many I wanted, so came as a major shock to me when dh said he absolutely, definately did not want anymore after no 2. We talked and talked about it a lot, his main reasons being finances, housing(he never wanted to share a bedroom when he was younger), and he thought he really couldn't cope with another baby. I did finally change his mind - but didn't discover this until he'd managed to change my mind first!! It took me a long time to come to terms with not having anymore children, but once I had I was happy with the decision and didn't feel selfish that I'd "made" dh have another child. 12m later I am 39 weeks pregnant with the happy accident of no 3, and dh was more thrilled than me! Good luck, hope everything works out just as you want

[fingerwoman]

we talk in bed. somehow it's easier in the dark, lying down. And we can't shout because ds is asleep lol

[tinytotmummy]

Can you possibly arrange to go out somewhere nice for a meal so that you can talk about it then? It would then also help your dh to see that there is life beyond your ds and that you are still very much a couple and can still do things you used to do. HTH

[emfjh]

Maybe if we went on to finish the bottle, we'd end up in the sack & have made no. 2 before the night was through???????
Reality check here - after bottle empty, would be asleep on couch by 8.30pm so no chance of ANYthing happening! LOL.
But seriously, I'd hate for our bickering to worsen with further child, so maybe we should cut our losses & keep it to one.
Friends of ours have terrible rows/problems re kids (they've got 3) & some mums/wives are so different to me (I think I'm pretty normal/good with ds & all I balance in life ie housework/childcare/social secretary stuff etc) but dh thinks at times I'm this, that & the other, but if was to look at other mums/wives for ONE MINUTE, he'd see I wasn't so bad, & our life was good/pretty straight forward & easy too, but he doesn't, hence thinks it's just us & no one that has gone through all the change to our rel'ship.
Why don't men (ok some men!) see further than just what's in fromt of them? Why don't they chat to eachother like we ladies do?