Return to work ...dreadful!

[jodan67]

I have returned to work last week and it has been dreadful. A senior management member has completely blanked me as he did throughout my pregnancy. It is so bad, he walks around laughing and jking with everyone but just acts like I am invisible. I am part-time, mornings only, and i understand from staff members that he tried to block my part-time application as he felt it would force me to leave my job.

I have made a complaint about his behaviour to me but it has been trivialised by the partners and dismissed on the basis that they cannot be responsible for office relationshops and that they cannot force people to "like" each other. They also hinted that they did not like jy attitude and that I was being formal and overly legal in my approach.

I am a senior staff member and I am so distressed by this treatment. It is being picked up by junior staff members who can clealry see that I am regarded as a persona non grata by ths man. I feel so demeaned and don't know where to turn when the partners won't even take my complaint seriously. Has anyone else experienced this? What do you do? Please give me some advice as I am physically ill before going to work each day.

[flowerybeanbag]

Have you met with the individual yourself to discuss his behaviour towards you?

If not, this may explain the partners' attitude, rightly or wrongly, they may feel that you ought to be able to sort this out yourself, and would be impatient at having to deal with a formal complaint.

I would ask the individual concerned to a meeting just the two of you. If you can, very calmly explain to him how you feel he is behaving towards you, and explain your concern that it is affecting other staff members and therefore the work of the department.

Ask if there is anything you can do to improve your working relationship as you are both keen to ensure the department is working effectively and a better working relationship between you will contribute to this.

I would take this line rather than saying how upset it is making you feel as I think with this type of individual you may get further with a more detached 'it's affecting the business' approach.

It's not right that you are dealing with this attitude on your return to work, or that the partners are not taking your complaint seriously, however in the environment you are working in, this is not a surprising response I would say, and if you take the approach above, I feel you have a better chance of resolving this.

best of luck

[chocolatekimmy]

I have recently gone back (part time) and by week 2 I was having serious issues with my boss. He lied to me and I don't trust him, I have never respected him before either.

I have lodged a formal grievance (have tried to resolve other issues informally prior to maternity leave) as I have had enough and I feel the relationship is untenable.

I know I have to go through the formal process to give them the opportunity to put things right. You need to have a clear resolution - a list with specific outcomes that will enable you to continue to work and feel ok about things. So far I have waited 3 weeks, my first meeting is on Thursday. Look my name up (last 6 weeks) for some excellent advice about going through the process - some people had some fab ideas that I have used.

Also look up www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm

theres some great info on there, and also stuff about managers trying to cover things up (like yours are by the sounds of it) by saying things like 'its a personality clash'. I found heaps of useful information on there, things that wouldn't have even crossed my mind.

Remember you have done nothing wrong so don't feel guilty and just try and keep things in perspective. Its hard but there is more to life so focus on the positives

[flowerybeanbag]

chocolatekimmy shame to hear you are having to bring a formal grievance so soon after returning to work. Hope it goes ok and you get the outcomes you need!

Jodan67 - hopefully you won't need to bring a formal grievance to resolve your situation, although you may have to.

I do think that if you do end up bringing a grievance, (presumably would be heard by the/a senior partner?), you are more likely to get a sympathetic hearing if you have had the conversation yourself with the individual.

You may be sure it will not change anything, and when you are feeling bullied, often all you want to do is avoid that person, but if you can manage to have that meeting, and record it, at least you will be able to say you did everything you could yourself.