How do I confront my boss

(15 Posts)
Lmg1986 Thu 17-Nov-16 11:37:10

Hi all long story
Basically I work for a small salon (5 people) only me and the boss are stylists!! And ways to cut a long story short I have worked here for 3 years without any issues! I covered for the boss whilst she was off ill when her relatives sadly passed and holiday cover we had a good work relationship (I thought) anyways 5 months ago I fell off my horse and seriously injured myself I was on crutches for 5 months and a full leg brace so could hardly walk!! This is where the issue comes in I worked on my leg for 3 days after my accident and finally decided I couldn't physically do it so got a sick not from my consultant which in turn I have to my boss and asked about sick pay well all hell broke lose she rang me saying she doesbt think she should pay it as I didn't do the accident at work!! But obviously by law she had to!! Then when I went to collect my first pay slip she has said customers have started to complain about me being loud and talking about my kids too much LOL I know this is a load of rubbish as she looked awkward when I asked who complained!! AnywAys thankfully after 5 long months I'm back on my feet and back at work but I really don't feel settled i feel an atmosphere to my surprise she then left a letter going on about how stressed she is and how she doesn't feel my heart is in the job anymore and that I need to ring her to talk!! Am I the only one to think she is unprofessional In leaving a letter and not coming to speak to my face I have had a lot on my plate this year not just my accident but I keep my personal problems to myself I feel like I don't want to work there anymore but how do I tell her professionally without losing my temper at how much of a cow she has been to me

TheOtherMissRabbit Thu 17-Nov-16 11:47:56

Sounds a tough situation, and your boss does sound like a cow.

If you can get another job lined up (not easy, I realise) I might tell the boss simply that "I am leaving on X date" and say nothing, nothing more. You don't need to provide an explanation, and don't owe her one.

Lmg1986 Thu 17-Nov-16 11:52:47

I have no contract with her and I know this sounds stupid but I was only doing 13 hrs a week and she has cut it to 7 lol and expects me to work when she wants me!! She got a temp in to cover me whilst I was ill but I'm back now and she now wants to keep her on!! I don't really need to work as my hubby has a well paid job but I did it so my kids had money for there clubs and days out ect I just feel like I've been thrown to the side!! I covered her when she needed me and then when I hurt myself it felt like she didn't give to figs.. problem is I haven't seen her since she left this stupid letter on the desk as I work different days to her but I'm working with her tomorrow and I don't know what to say as don't want to be unprofessional inform of clients becos I know she will make me look the bad one as she is good at the whole feel sorry for me thing x

TheOtherMissRabbit Thu 17-Nov-16 12:07:10

Would you find it easier to respond to her letter by leaving a written response on her desk? I'm sure you could find someone on here who would help you word it. (Not offering myself, though, am crap at such things)

Lmg1986 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:15:13

Thanks but I need to do it to her face I think she was very unprofessional leaving it tbf she should of talked to me!! I just don't know where to start lol as I feel like I will lose my temper but I would rather tell her to her face as now I know how she treated past employees as 3 left before me and she said they were rubbish her words not mine but now I can see why they left!! She's one of those that it goes her way or no way!! But won't do it to their face

Saggingninja Thu 17-Nov-16 12:26:47

When you have to have a difficult conversation it can be helpful to write down bullet points of what you have to say. Also if you have a face to face, you can tell this woman that you need to speak and when you've finished, she gets her turn. This is one of those cheesy sounding therapy things and allows a person to have their say without the other person butting in.

I admire you wanting to deal with it face to face. It's much better than back biting. But write down a list of points and memorise them and then ask for a meeting. If she agrees to this then you also ask for 5 minutes to speak with no interruptions - then you have to afford her the same courtesy. If she starts yakking while you are speaking - the meeting is over.

Good luck.

OllyBJolly Thu 17-Nov-16 12:34:21

I think you should try to see it from her perspective. I assume she owns the salon and is therefore working in it, managing the staffing, and attending to all the business admin. That's a lot of work and there won't be a lot of money in it.

You've had 5 months off sick. Yes, you can't help that, but what a huge burden that absence is for small business. I'd imagine it's worse in hairdressing - customers come for the stylist and if the stylist they want isn't there they often go elsewhere. And don't come back.

I'm not saying there is a right or wrong here but I think you'll be in a better position if you take the aggression out of it. There is no need to confront her. Ask her for a chat. Ask her what you can both do to get back on an even keel. The working relationship used to work well for you both and for the business and now it isn't.

Sagging has suggested a good tactic. Allow one person to speak uninterrupted (and that can be hard!) for a set time and then the other speaks. If the first interrupts the second can say "I didn't interrupt you , please let me finish".

OliviaStabler Thu 17-Nov-16 12:41:27

Unless you want a shouting match, you don't "confront" her.

From what you have said the relationship has broken down irrevocably and any talk about sick pay etc will just descend into angry words. You will gain nothing.

Best to give your notice and walk away.

Lmg1986 Thu 17-Nov-16 12:58:59

I haven't worded it very well I was on crutches for 5 months but worked my butt off in physio so I only took 6 weeks off work!! Then went back and pushed my self to do my hours!! I helped her put advertising and word out for a temp to cover me and I actually like the temp worker too!! What I don't like is the fact she keeps biting at me and making me feel like I shouldn't be there!! I work Tuesdays and Saturdays so she doesn't have to yet still get it in the ear that I'm not earning enough!!she is one very complicated lady and don't think she is being fair at all

OliviaStabler Thu 17-Nov-16 18:13:45

I am not saying she is being reasonable or fair but she has now shown you her true colours. You have done a lot for her and you feel she has not supported you as you have her.

Trouble is someone like this is not good at discussions. They make it so awkward for people they don't want to work with any longer, those people simply leave.

You can talk to someone like this until you are blue in the face, they won't change.

Mellowautumn Thu 17-Nov-16 22:09:48

Go mobile x

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 18-Nov-16 13:36:37

Unfairly selected for redundancy?

BobGoblin23 Fri 18-Nov-16 18:54:54

She is the owner? Walk away with dignity. Let her burn through good staff and lose clients when she can only retain crap or newbies. It's her business to ruin.

Sorry you have had to put up with this, you sound like a very genuine and nice person.

Lmg1986 Wed 23-Nov-16 16:21:05

Ok so I have an interview for a new job on Monday. If I get the job what do I do.. how do I hand in my notice as I don't want a confrontation as I will say things I will regret do I just leave my resignation on the desk as I will obviously work my weeks notice even though I have no written contract

EBearhug Thu 24-Nov-16 02:38:30

Just say, "I am tendering my resignation. As I must work a week's notice, I calculate that my final day of employment will be <date>. Please let me know if anything else is required." I would always resign in writing, so it's on file.

You should be prepared to answer any questions about why you're going - perfectly fine to say you've got another job, but what if they press you further? You can probably expect it, as she's already asked to discuss your work.

Don't forget you'll probably need a reference from your current employment.

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