Wwyd bullying at work 2 weeks before mat leave

(10 Posts)
mrsfredweasley Thu 06-Oct-16 17:09:18

This may be a long one to avoid drip feeding, so I apologise in advance.

I work in admin in a school and I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. I started having issues when I was around 13/14 weeks. I was off sick for 2 days (before anyone was aware I was pregnant) and during this time, a colleague went onto my computer (shared log in at the time), accessed my emails and read through my sent messages. None of which were bad but there were a number to my husband. She then told the head teacher what she'd seen and I had to go through a formal investigatory process for emailing my husband and "wasting work time". Because of this, I was forced to tell work of my pregnancy (because they'd read about it in my sent emails) before I was ready; before I'd even told family. My colleagues were also aware that I had previously had a miscarriage (about a month before) and should probably have realised that I might need the support of my husband during this time, but they clearly didn't.

This has all since been sorted after resulting in me having 4 weeks off work due to stress, and I made sure to let them know that reading my emails is actually illegal and the formal investigation was unnecessary, and the log ins have become individual. However, since then, the atmosphere and relationship between me and the colleague who "told on me" has been frosty and awkward. She unintentionally made it very clear that it was her.

Fast forward to 32 weeks pregnant and the attitudes of my colleagues towards me have gradually become worse and have really begun to grind me down. There are 4 other women in the office and they have started excluding me from everything and made me feel really isolated. No one says good morning to me when I arrive, no one offers to make me a drink even when asking the rest of the office by name, if they have general chit chat I'm never included and they always end sentences with each other's names to let me know nothing is directed to me. If they want to find out some information that is to do with my role, they'll go above me to the head teacher to ask her instead of turning to me on the desk next to them. The receptionist has become increasingly rude to me; demanding that I do work for her and when I say I am a little busy but will try, she gets incredibly nasty. These are isolated incidents that have resulted in a big thing. They also plan trips out together and events like candle parties, and openly discuss them in front of me without ever inviting me.

It's just made me feel shit, to be honest. I sit doing my work with tears in my eyes and come home and break down to my husband. I'm obviously very hormonal, which isn't helping. None of them ever ask how I'm feeling re: pregnancy or even get excited with me about it. It's putting me under a lot of stress and anxiety.

I leave for maternity in 2 weeks but I'm struggling to feel confident enough to make it that far. I've contemplated getting signed off sick until then and going to speak to the head teacher in the meantime to let her know how I'm feeling. But I'm conflicted because that just makes me feel guilty for going off sick and leaving my work load.

I'm so sorry for the length of this post, if you've made it this far, then thank you!!

Vixxfacee Thu 06-Oct-16 22:41:06

Sorry to hear you're having a stressful time. I would go off sick with stress for the last two weeks then go on maternity. flowers

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Thu 06-Oct-16 22:45:16

You put in a formal complaint and go off sick with stress.

Clickncollect Thu 06-Oct-16 22:46:28

You owe these people nothing and they would not care about leaving you with the workload. I would go off sick for the last two weeks because I think you will feel even worse when you leave and they make no effort to say goodbye/wish you well let alone a collection. Walk away on your own terms.
So sorry you have to go through this but congrats on the baby! Focus on what is important and leave those nasty bitches to it.

Crazycatlady123 Fri 07-Oct-16 07:23:50

Completely empathise, I'm pregnant and struggling with work too but don't have to deal with any of that crap fortunately. Sorry to hear you're having such an awful time. I can't believe people can treat others so appallingly, even more awful treating a pregnant woman that way. They sound like complete utter bastards. Put in a complaint, they should be held to account for their nasty bullying, particularly the one that started it all (wtf is her problem, she must have issues) then go off sick and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Your employer can only start your mat leave from 36 weeks, no earlier.

What comes around goes around. Those bullies will get their come uppance eventually.

mrsfredweasley Fri 07-Oct-16 07:42:32

Thank you all. It's reassuring to know I'm not just being sensitive.

catcrazy all friends and family I've spoken to irl about this have all asked the same, wtf is her problem? We used to be very close. Spent our lunch breaks together, chatted about our personal lives, she came to my wedding; they all did, etc. It's like a flipped switched when I became pregnant. They're all, bar one who is the same age, older than me too; and all have children of their own so you'd think they'd understand.

Arealhumanbeing Fri 07-Oct-16 08:43:49

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is absolutely outrageous.

What you describe amounts to bullying, harassment and potentially pregnancy discrimination. Please try to gather your courage and make a complaint to the head teacher. It isn't easy when you're the person who is being put through this but it is the only real way address the issue.

Keep a diary of incidents and ask your head teacher for a copy of the school grievance procedure. Also contact your union and get initial advice.

Then get a sick note for your final two weeks sighting stress and anxiety (if you are feeling anxious). Send in your complaint from home and spend the rest of your time doing as you please smile.

Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers

Crazycatlady123 Fri 07-Oct-16 10:11:02

God that makes it even worse if you used to be close. That main woman that instigated it all by reading your emails, is she the one without children? Has she gone through some tragedy in her life?

I just wondered because, where I work I was quite friendly with a manager on the team got on really well used to have a laugh with her etc, and know she previously suffered a miscarriage (she's quite open about it) - ever since I announced my pregnancy she's kept me at arms length, doesnt speak to me at all now, it makes me sad for her.

I wonder if that woman who clearly has some issues going on has suffered some personal tragedy of her own, and you're in the firing line? Just a thought, might be completely wrong and it certainly doesn't justify her treatment of you, but may explain her behaviour.

Just a thought, she might just be an awful human being.

mrsfredweasley Fri 07-Oct-16 10:17:25

crazycat sorry I meant that they all have children and are all older than me (40+) bar one who is the same age (28). So yes, she does have children. It was as though a switch flipped and she went from one day treating me as a friend to the next being really off with me. I don't know why but it's made my working life hell for the past few months.

I did have a brief chat with the ht about it a while ago and she said, just clear the air with her. Easier said than done.

NotNob Fri 07-Oct-16 10:27:03

Op, this is the last thing you need right now. You must be exhausted but try to do as PP suggested and issue a grievance before, if necessary, going off sick. flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now