Hi,
I am trying to make sense of what's happened and wondered if anyone could help? (Sorry, long.....)
I am a freelancer who worked across two different departments for the same company. I have worked in Dept A for many years, where I have never felt bullied.
I've been working in Dept B a couple of days a week for a year. In recent months I've felt extremely uncomfortable, largely because of the way the deputy head of dept has treated me: speaking to me contemptuously in front of colleagues, undermining me, avoiding me, choosing to give basic duties to other colleagues rather than me and, in the last couple of months, ignoring me outright.
A few months ago she and the head of dept called me into a meeting. Because I had felt so uncomfortable (to the point where I was having sleepless nights) I was expecting to be sacked. I was surprised to be asked about my health, as I had recently had health issues.
They asked whether I felt I could cope with the workload, I replied: "Yes." Then I asked if there were any issues with my work. They both said: "No."
So after that meeting, during which I told them further details of my health issues, the deputy backed off and was a bit nicer to me for a few weeks. I felt pretty stupid having got myself into a state and wondered if I'd imagined the "bullying".
But then the situation started to deteriorate again. To the point where I felt so uncomfortable around her that I would physically sit as far away from her as possible.
I had not at any stage felt bullied by the head of dept but in recent weeks he'd started complaining about minor errors I'd made in emails to me, which he felt were "very bad mistakes". However, I've seen many mistakes by other employees - some of them much worse.
On Friday afternoon I was asked to attend a meeting with the head. The deputy had taken the day off. I knew immediately I was being sacked.
I turned up to find the head and a HR person there. I asked if they minded me recording the meeting and they said they would rather I didn't, but agreed that I could take notes.
The head told me that they had too many staff in the department and they were having to make cutbacks. To decide who should go they had scored everyone on a range of competencies and I scored either the lowest in the department or among the lowest (can't remember which but either way it was bad).
When I asked him if he could be specific and give examples of where I had failed he said he "didn't want to get into that."
And added: "The fact is that most people in the department can do the job better than you can."
There was a tech competency, which I knew I'd failed because I wasn't learning quickly enough for them and was moved off the job. I am slow to learn new technology (I'm 50+) but once I grasp it I am confident and fast with it, which has been the case in Dept A.
He said I was not being sacked completely from the company because there was work for me still in Dept A, which he said I was obviously better suited to, and that I was "unsuited" to the work in his dept. But they were giving me a month's notice which he "hoped I would serve". He also said I should speak to the boss in Dept A who was expecting to hear from me.
They asked me not to discuss anything with colleagues outside of the meeting, saying there were "other conversations" they would be having.
I said I understood, that I had really enjoyed working there, I'd really enjoyed the tech work I'd been given, and that had I been given longer to learn it think I would have been up to the required speed,. Then, to my great regret and huge embarrrassment, I became tearful and had to leave the meeting.
I am now worried that in Dept A everyone will know I've been sacked from Dept B and that will undermine me in their eyes. I'm dreading the fact that people will gossip about me.
Here are some unanswered questions I have:
- If I had been scored on a range of competencies, why were they unable or unwilling to give specific feedback or examples?
- If I am simply rubbish at the job, why was there any need for the deputy to be so unpleasant towards me? Surely someone can have a professional opinion of you which isn't good, but be decent towards you?
- My partner thinks I should face them, work my notice there and do my best, and don't let them see me rattled but I feel so humiliated. The prospect of going back into dept B to work my notice feels like going back into the lion's den. I don't get paid for days off as I am freelance.My BFF thinks that if I can afford it, I should tell them to "f-off".
I am depressed. I feel as though I've been kicked in the guts.
Given that I still have some work in Dept A, maybe I am overreacting. But I feel that this sacking will "devalue" me in their eyes. I just wanted to write this down and thank you for reading it if you've made it this far.