Advice needed - I really lost my temper at work

(9 Posts)
Thewoodenspoon Sat 24-Sep-16 14:51:45

And shouted at a colleague and used some choice language and said I was fed up of the bitchiness in the office after catching them moaning about me in the communal kitchen.

I am not proud of how I behaved and feel very disappointed and ashamed but the negativity in the workplace has ground me down over the last year. It has also coincided with family illness and a minor personal cancer scare to compound things. It feels like there is non-stop bitchiness and moaning and it is such a negative place to be - even people who are supposed friends whine about each other and it is difficult not to get dragged in.

I know I need to find a new job but in the interim how should I handle it on Monday; do I just apologise and do I talk to my manager about it?

MaybeDoctor Sat 24-Sep-16 15:19:06

Sorry, no HR experience but I suspect that a prompt and sincere apology is the way to go.

AndShesGone Sat 24-Sep-16 15:22:21

You caught them being unprofessional and being rude about you?

Then I don't think you've done much wrong.
By all means apologise, but I would also expect one in return.

Lilaclily Sat 24-Sep-16 15:25:18

I'd ask for a meeting at 9am with your manager to tell them about the bullying and why your reaction was so extreme
Do it first before you get reported for language etc

SwedishEdith Sat 24-Sep-16 15:34:17

Are you their manager? If so, they've every right to moan with each other.

You definitely need to apologise to them and do not mention anything that may have brought it on. Not their problem, not their concern.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Sat 24-Sep-16 15:38:10

I'd do precisely nothing.

It does people no harm to be told they've pushed you too bloody far.

Relax, enjoy the weekend & let them think about their bitchy behaviour

SingaSong12 Sat 24-Sep-16 15:38:48

I think apologies to everyone. I agree about speaking to manager first thing so that they know you acknowledge your fault. I wouldn't try to diminish it unless you talk about personal things. There are ways to deal with bullying so no excuse for your behaviour (as to your credit you are saying here.)

Thewoodenspoon Sat 24-Sep-16 16:16:08

No I am not their boss; I am at a similar level to them but I am fed up of both my own and their unprofessionalism. This kitchen is shared with colleagues from other depts and our big boss (who wasn't there) has an office nearby and I could hear them in the corridor so they were not even subtle about it. I am trying to not get drawn into the bitching which is difficult when everyone seems to be doing it. This particular colleague seems to have regular downers on individuals over the years and it is just destroying my confidence. Unfortunately she is queen bee in the office so I am finding myself more and more isolated.

I think I will just apologise on Monday when I get in which isn't until after lunch. Perhaps I should email my boss beforehand so I he is forewarned.

flopsypopsymopsy Sat 24-Sep-16 20:57:15

They were bitching about you? No, I wouldn't apologise but I would speak to my manager about it on Monday. Explain what happened and why you reacted as you did. Say you are disappointed with yourself for not handling it better but things have come to a head.

A few years ago, I worked with a woman who was absolutely vile to me. She very cleverly managed to do this when everyone was out of earshot/out of the office. I tolerated her for months and eventually snapped, calling her a stupid f-ing cow. Needless to say, I got hauled into the director's office. I apologised, said it was very unprofessional and how disappointed with myself I was and committed to apologising to the colleague in question. Needless to say, her response at a thousand decibels was... "NEVER EVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!!". We then sat in virtual silence for the next couple of months. Every time she did speak to me she was rude. I put up with it for so long and eventually spoke to my boss after she sent a particularly incriminating email.

I then changed jobs and a month or so later she left...... suddenly..... like she'd been sacked or something.... such a shame.... I felt so sorry for her.... grin

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