Unemployed, depressed...words of positivity needed!

(16 Posts)
diamond457 Mon 25-Jul-16 18:15:20

I had been in my job for three years, loved the job but my boss was a down right bully and it was personal. It went on for a very long time. Things were awful, she set up traps to watch me fail, binned my Tupperware in the staff kitchen and left me with no cutlery for my lunch, constant criticism etc etc...I had enough one day and walked out and told her no more! I saw a lawyer and was going for constructive dismissal but due to lack of evidence and witnesses he didn't want to take the case forward.
I obviously couldn't go back to work and went on the sick with genuine stress but I managed to get a job as a care worker and resigned from the hell hole.
I couldn't do the care work, I went into the job for the wrong reasons and I hated it, I decided to leave because I wasn't the right person for the job and didn't feel it fair on the clients that I felt that way.
fast forward a few months and im now officially unemployed. DP earns 'too much' so I can't sign on or claim benefits.
I'm living off dp and I hate it. I have nothing going in my bank account.

All the jobs ive applied for are unsuitable, crappy retail jobs with complicated application forms, want cover letters, everything possible for a minimum wage, part time retail bloody job.
I feel so down and don't see an end to it.
The industry I was in isn't really suitable for family life and the job I had was a one off. I think that's the reason I was bullied - because I had a small child and was very different to her.

whydidhesaythat Mon 25-Jul-16 22:07:17

Sorry to hear this
I know what it is to be bullied at work
Can you describe the job you loved, what was the industry?

rumred Tue 26-Jul-16 05:14:28

Get some free careers advice. Google for what's available in your area.
Have you looked on the larger job sites? There are a few home working options, amongst other things

DecoratingDivvy Tue 26-Jul-16 05:36:41

OP I was unemployed for a year and it was awful. Things I did which helped keep me sane
- I exercised every day - free Online videos and a walk outside in the daylight
- I applied every day
- I swallowed my pride and just did any jobs on a short term basis for which I was overqualified or it was wrong industry - admin assistant, teaching at a night school, can you sign up with an agency?
- I did a course - if money is tight there are plenty of free online courses
- I volunteered
- I had a daily schedule and stuck to it

You will find long term work again. If you Hate living off DP, you may have to do roles that aren't quite right for you. Just treat every application like a step towards the end goal - honing your cover letter skills is not a bad thing.

diamond457 Tue 26-Jul-16 14:42:47

I worked in the horse industry. I give up with it now though. Wages too low, mostly cash in hand and unsuitable hours. I struck lucky with my job because it was based in a college.
I can't do teaching because I don't have the right qualifications for it and getting them would mean lots of money and take years to do but I did supervising at the college.
Careers advice would just say I'm suitable to be working with animals but I've tried the rspca, got an interview and didn't get it....bullies brother worked there, I reckon that's why I didn't get it.
I can only work from 8.30 in the morning until after school club closes at 6pm so I need to either do school hours or earn enough to pay for childcare until 5.30.
I really want a job with royal mail as its an active job with old working conditions, suitable for school runs and pays well but they have said the workers want more hours rather than bring in new people so I'm in limbo now.
I can't afford to go back to college or anything either.

ZippyNeedsFeeding Tue 26-Jul-16 14:48:05

Have you thought about becoming a relief postie? It means working in different places a lot, but there seems to be plenty of work to go around (a friend of mine took on relief postie work "for the winter" and he's still there 12 years later!).

diamond457 Tue 26-Jul-16 16:06:35

I will look into that, thanks! My dad works at royal mail and the manager says when a job comes up I will be first to know but my dad isn't sure he can trust him as other workers are moaning about how many family members of other workers there are already so need to get something to put money in my account for now.
Booked a gp appt for next month to see about depression. I've been struggling sinse the bullying started but with the reality of unemployment on top I think I'm struggling now. Never wanted to give in and go on medication but I need to realise this isn't going away.

whydidhesaythat Tue 26-Jul-16 17:43:38

Two books I found useful even afterwards:

Bullying at Work: How to Identify and Prevent It by Tim someone

"Bully in Sight"

My bullying was a dozen years ago now so I've given these two books away and would have to google the titles. But if the bullying is still living with you they are worth hunting out.

<shudders at the memories> flowers

How wonderful to have worked with horses. But yes I bet it is a close knit world so if it goes wrong it goes badly wrong.

pilkio Tue 26-Jul-16 17:58:34

Got no advice, but I want you to know that you are not alone. Could have written your post, but I was a teacher and left due to senior management thinking that we're superhuman. Now living off DH and it's shit.

Have you thought about upskilling? I've decided to do a Masters, starting in September - using the new Post Grad loan scheme - they will lend you 10k to do any masters other that PostCert or PostDip. Would this be something that would work for you?

diamond457 Tue 26-Jul-16 20:11:35

Tonight I came across a post looking for volunteers to do demonstrations with animals at kids parties and therapy sessions so I emailed them. Would be good to do that to make contacts and keep the c.v. busy

I'm not sure a degree would be for me. I'm not sure would I'd do and its a lot of money to owe back especially if it goes wrong. As much as I love animals and I know that's would I'd be good at , I would be happy with a nice job with a good work life balance, nice colleagues and a secure workplace.
That's great you have found something you want to do though and I wish you all the luck in the world...teaching is in dire straights at the moment isn't it.
Thanks for the book recommendations. I'm still effected in terms of self esteem, it's rock bottom at the moment so I will look into those.

DecoratingDivvy Tue 26-Jul-16 22:29:59

That sounds great. Good news and positive proactive approach. Any vets? Animal shelters? Can you offer to consult on the reality of owning horses to rich families? Zoo? Pet shop? I'm just thinking anything to keep you busy and maybe some money coming in? I also wasn't qualified to teach, but my native English in a foreign country was enough for a language school to train me. So, have you got anything you know lots about that other people might be interested in paying you for?

Banana99 Tue 26-Jul-16 22:34:41

Not much to say but I am in a similar position. I also walked out of a job due to a bully, I did have another job for a bit, but been out of work since March and desperate to earn some money of my own.
I have been applying for hundreds of jobs (mostly admin) but so many people apply I just don't get a look in. Agencies have told me I could work if I could do FT but I can't, I literally have no fall back in holidays etc.
Actually applied for a few jobs in next and tesco today as I have to get something soon!

DecoratingDivvy Tue 26-Jul-16 22:36:52

diamond re: self esteem - after a year of looking and failing to find something my DH came home to find me questioning my value as a human being. I know it's really hard but try and stay positive. Or do that thing where you count good things. Or set a time limit on feeling down. Whatever to stop yourself spiraling. flowers

DecoratingDivvy Tue 26-Jul-16 22:40:20

Nothing wrong with tesco banana I counted out sweets and pens into sets in one job. And cleaned floors in another when money got really tight.

leccybill Tue 26-Jul-16 22:45:59

Look at FutureLearn. Free online courses delivered in weekly modules. I've done a few, they just made me feel like my brain was ticking again and you can put them on your CV. An aptitude for learning is a strong skill even if it's in an unrelated field.

diamond457 Wed 27-Jul-16 15:12:23

Got an interview for sky on Friday now. Customer services. The interview process is tough. A phone interview, face to face interview and a group interview including role play. Anyone would think I was applying to work at google! So I don't hold much hope for it but I will give it my best shot.

That's the thing banana, when you are limited to certain hours due to having children it makes the process harder. It's so disheartening knowing possibly hundreds are after the same job too.
Thanks decorating - I've been doing the same but dp is so supportive. He knows what I went through everyday going to work and calling up in tears on my lunch break and when I came home so I think he's quite relaxed knowing I'm out of there and we will be sorted once I get something.

Thanks leccy going to check it out now

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