Partner fired right before I started maternity leave :(

[melibu1984]

My partner lost his job a few weeks ago, literally a couple of weeks before I started maternity leave. He was fired for gross misconduct. i am not sure of exactly what happened; all he has said is that he made a decision that went against protocol (he works in IT). They must have really liked him before that, though, as they gave him 3 months pay in lieu of notice, even though he had only been with them since November.

The dismissal has completely knocked his confidence, and he is spending most of his time playing on his Xbox instead of looking for another job! He gets angry and worried about money and our unborn son all the time (I am 40 weeks pregnant as of today), as well as worrying about his parents, who are both ill.

I really don't know how to get him to think more positively, as I think this would really help him with the job search.

I'm very worried to, but I am trying to hide it. If he doesn't find another job in the next few months, I will need to end my maternity leave early and go back to work :(

I'm also wondering if anyone has any advice on dealing with being fired for gross misconduct. What should he be telling recruiters? I think it might also be a good idea for him to try temping work in the meantime, as they are generally less fussy about previously employment issues :/

Any advice would really be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Toffeelatteplease]

He hasn't told you the full truth about what has happened.

[LIZS]

I'd agree. Are you sure he received the money? They could have dismissed him for no reason anyway with minimal notice as he had been there for such a short while. Long term he might be better suggesting it was only ever short term but what was said about any reference. Presumably he can't claim JSA either atm. How hard is he trying to find work?

[VimFuego101]

It seems odd they would pay him 3 months notice when they fired him. He should contact HR and see what his reference will say (or you could get someone to call pretending to be a potential employer).

[OrangesandLemonsNow]

Sorry but I don't believe his reasons.

3 months pay in lieu when he has been there 6/7 months?

[SaveSomeSpendSome]

I dont believe him either.

[melibu1984]

He has received the money, i saw it, and he just paid 2 months rent upfront.

[melibu1984]

i am actually quite saddened that the first thing everyone has jumped to is that he has lied to me :(

[AddToBasket]

Yeah, he has lied to you. Something else happened and that's why he's not dealing with it.

[Finola1step]

It doesn't add up. If you are fired for gross misconduct then you don't get a pay off. Especially when having worked for the company for around 6 months.

[Scarydinosaurs]

mel only because it seems so at odds with what most people experience when employees are dismissed.

I agree with PP find out what his reference will say and get him to sign up with recruiters. Good luck!

[melibu1984]

He admitted that he is probably applying for one job a day, as he is feeling so demotivated. i have also heard him say on the phone to a recruiter that he was fired for gross misconduct (I'm sure if he was lying, he would think up a better excuse than that).

[WellErrr]

He needs to get a fucking grip.

He has a baby about to be born, he's just been sacked and he's dicking about on the Xbox?

What was the gross misconduct? Because this -

They must have really liked him before that, though, as they gave him 3 months pay in lieu of notice

does not make me think 'they must have liked him,' it makes me think that they want him gone quickly and quietly, suggesting that whatever he did was rather serious.

[Littlemisslovesspiders]

He admitted that he is probably applying for one job a day, as he is feeling so demotivated. i have also heard him say on the phone to a recruiter that he was fired for gross misconduct (I'm sure if he was lying, he would think up a better excuse than that).

I have never known anyone get such a big pay off for gross misconduct after being their 6 months. Sorry.

[MaddyHatter]

He needs to get his CV out on the big recruiter websites that Headhunters use.

[MrsSpecter]

Definitely lying.

Also, it sounds like he is deliberately sabotaging his chances of getting a new job by telling potential employers he was fired for gross misconduct.

Another thing that is odd is that he is on the phone to potential employers. Most employers want applications with CV and then will email or write to offer interview. They dont phone for a chat. Too many candidates.

[greenfolder]

You need to establish what happened.

3 months pay after 6 months is only likely as part of a compromise agreement. If this is the case it would be normal that a reference would be part of that.

How senior was he? Who did he work for previously? Could he go and do that? Can he do temp work?

[LIZS]

How did he get this job, could he go back to that route? The only reason I would think of for a payoff in such circumstances is to avoid him going straight to a competitor, so he cannot pass on sensitive data or use their contacts/customers. There would have been some form of formal agreement if so . However I'm not convinced this would apply in this case .

[Iflyaway]

They must have really liked him before that, though, as they gave him 3 months pay in lieu of notice

Sorry OP, you sound rather naïve. No-one gets 3 months payment cos their employers "like him".

Why hasn't he told you exactly what happened?

Gross misconduct in the IT world usually means giving away "secrets" to the competitor even if done innocently.

Whatever, his conduct now while you are about to become parents does not bode well. He could at least put his energy into organising the house/nursery if work is not forthcoming.

[GinIsIn]

I'm sorry but it doesn't really add up that they would pay him that much money when there is no legal obligation to do so if he was fired for gross misconduct. When you say you aren't sure what happened, on some level I think perhaps you know already that he has lied to you. He might not be doing it maliciously - he may just not want to worry you when you are so far along, but I really think you need to talk to him about it and ask him to explain the exact circumstances, so that you can discuss together how to move forward.

[CinderellaFant]

You are about to have a baby to this man, yet he can't tell you the reason he was fired from his job?? You have serious communication issues! If DH was fired from his job I would expect him to tell me exactly what happened, not just fob me off with 'gross misconduct'

[EBearhug]

Is he on LinkedIn? That's where I hear about most IT jobs these days - and recruitment agents will phone, even if employers themselves don't.

I don't think many employers would be rushing to employ someone who's been fired for gross mis-conduct. That implies something like violence or harassment or misuse of data, a security breach or something criminal. I wouldn't want to employ someone who won't follow rules in IT - some of them are unnecessary, but a lot of them are there to protect data and ensure systems are secure.

He's going to have to work out how to handle that when he talks to recruiters, which means telling enough (and truthfully) when asked, but not volunteering information unnecessarily. And he should be job-hunting as if it were a full-time job.

[Gazelda]

Wow, what an awful worry for you. But I wouldn't be putting up with him mucking about on X-box. He needs to get a job. I agree that he needs to make sure his LinkedIn profile is top notch and get temping/contracting.

Does he think he's 'bought' himself 2 months off by paying the rent up front? what sort of mat pay package are you on?

[missybct]

In my experience, any payment of more than a months salary to an employee who is "leaving" is done so to prevent company secrets becoming common knowledge - it may not have already happened, but the 'bribe' is usually a company offering an employee a monetary sum to keep their mouths shut. It's got nothing to do with how much they like him, because frankly (and again in my experience), if a company really likes someone, they usually shove indiscretions under the carpet and continue to keep them in employment, not pay them off.

Paying an employee off and sacking them at the same time is usually because the 'bribe' is designed to prevent the ex-employee from lodging a complaint further down the line.

You really need more info on the sacking offence I think - I agree with PP it may not be malicious but he's trying to ease the worry - except he's not really doing himself many favours by wallowing.

[displacementofwater]

Even if someone is dismissed for gross misconduct they're still entitled to pay in lieu of notice.

He may have had a 3 month probationary period where the notice was shorter, then after that period's over he could have had a contractual 3 month notice period.

Have a look here with regards to right on dismissal - www.gov.uk/dismissal

I hope it all gets sorted for you soon and congrats on your impending arrival.