bullies at work(9 Posts)
Hi pls help me!!!
There are 2 women at work who have been constantly bullying me and are very aggressive and bitchy. I am quite a passive and submissive type and often find it difficult to take a stand. One of them is the same level as me but seems to be in some power trip. She barks at me like a dog and doesn't talk nicely or politely unless she needs something. I belong to a support team so our job is to support them though neither are my boss but they have input into my appraisal as they are my customers. Today I was 5 mins late for a meeting, she came in the floor and very rudely said are you joining this meeting? You have accepted it. We are waiting for you. The tone, manner and body language were all very aggressive and made me feel threatened. I hate her. I just don't have the courage to stand up to her as she is such a bull dog type personality and a real bully
Keep a diary of all incidents and if you have a union rep, speak to them for advice. Speak to your manager but ultimately you will probably have to put in a grievance which is why having a diary of everything (including witnesses) is so important.
Sorry you are going through it and hope it can be easily resolved.
Definitely keep track of incidents but I am not sure the behaviour you describe is bullying. You will come across people who have aggressive styles.
I think if you were late for the meeting she had every right to look for you and ask if you were still attending because you had accepted. Make sure you remain polite, and perhaps make a point of remarking to colleagues about her tone at the time of incidents - asking if others who head her also felt she was being aggressive for example.
Ok, I have a lot of experience of bullys at work, been there and ended up leaving because of it, now in a job I don't want, less money ,less hours out of desperation.
What I would do differently;
Keep a diary of incidents, dates and times, who was involved, any witnesses and keep a log.
Join the union. I tried to join after a major incident at work and wanted their help but they wouldn't help me because you have to join before you need them, not after.
If you can stand up for yourself. A simple don't talk to me in that tone should do, they mite start an argument but just walk away and say no more than that and note it in your log book.
Speak to your manager confidentially about it. Trust me it mucks up your mental health and every aspect of your life. Don't let them win.
I was on anxiety medication and sloped into a depression.
Also keep your options open and apply for suitable jobs if you can.
In addition to the great advice above, don't give the bullies any ammunition to fire at you.
If you can, try to get to their meeting 2-3 mins early. If you do need to be late for ex if you have to transition between mtg rooms or on a business call, send a brief friendly email, to say just to let you know I have xyz mtg until the top of the hour but will be with you asap Apologies for the delay.
If there is anything you can do to be whiter than white, do it!
And log the examples down to show the effort you are taking to be cooperative.
tried to join after a major incident at work and wanted their help but they wouldn't help me because you have to join before you need them, not after. ^
diamond that's not strictly true - a union should be able to help you at any stage of your grievance/issue. You should be able to go beyond the workplace rep and to a regional for their advice on the matter if you're being told that. I've known (and advised) many people to join their union mid crisis at work.
Can you leave or job hunt?
That would certainly be the less stressful option and is therefore what I chose to do when I was being bullied.
My friends at that company who were also being bullied chose to stay. And I don't really understand why. They could have easily got an equally good job. So why are they staying to be bullied?
Thank you all for the wonderful advice, much appreciated. I don't want to leave as I like the job I do just taut I can't choose my coworkers will try to stay strong, log everything and be as proper as I can xx
We had a bully like that and, eventually, the management noticed after countless complaints. One day, we came into work and she had been suspended and ended up resigning. It was bliss after she had gone. She had serious problems with herself IMO.
Good luck. No-one should have to tolerate the torture of work life with a bully.
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