advice needed. or maybe just a vent

[sallyst123]

1 month ago at work I had an issue with a colleague. We are both long term employees of our company although I am in a more senior position.
She basically accused me (falsely) of numerous things, then on personal level said I was evil,evil woman, a dirty a piece of nothing. A liar a disgusting bitch. She literally was screaming in my face telling me how she had never liked me, she proceeded to go to all the individuals of our working team & say how evil I was. Apparently she used some racial slurs against me (black bitch) told them all how dangerous I was as I had tried to frame & accuse her of theft.
(What had actually happened was I had asked her if she had seen a missing item, there were witnesses to this conversation & both witnesses agree I was very non accusatory & kind in my talk to her)
I'm paraphrasing to save time. But it was a very vicious verbal assult.
My manager refused to take sides even when presented with all evidence & witness statements
She said I should have just walked away from her rather than kept asking her to calm down.
Anyway it ended up with me taking anxiety medication & she handed in her notice.
Anyway 2day she has changed her mind. She has decided that she wants to continue at work. I was pulled into office today & basically told she was coming back to continue working alongside me. She has had lots of problems which is why she behaved in the way she did & I just have to act professional & try to let the past go as it's gone & can't be changed we just have to move on with the future.
If I had any savings I would walk out of this job right now. I don't understand why they would even put me in the position where we would have to work together again.
We are a large company I haven't done anything wrong to have to change my dept
I suppose I'm looking for some advice a wwyd? As I said we have no savings & the company I work for is the largest employer in our little town so walking out of a job is not an option. But I'm starting to feel like I'm being managed out. I can't see why my manager would give this woman another chance.
I feel so frustrated there has been no support at all from senior management for me. Just a this is what happens when your in a management position grow thicker skin type of attitude

[sallyst123]

In normal circumstances yes. But the rules seem to being bent for this woman. As I said before. There has been nothing at all said to her just a lot of molly coddling.
If I had done anything wrong I would honestly hold my hands up. But I haven't. & actually even when I recived the call to say this item couldn't be found. My response was. " I will ask Her but I trust her completely, if she'd seen it she would have handed it in"
I was completely on this woman's side but had to ask the question as it's my job.
Her reaction was so extreme & so unnecessary.
I think it's so hard for me as I given 15 yrs to this company & I've never felt so alone.
When she was targeting all my team members making all these accusations about me. None of the team could or did believe it they know I'm a fair minded person. But 1 of them said. She was so passionate in what she was saying they couldn't help but think could I have done this?
I can't believe my boss is putting me in this position.
I feel afraid 1 of her accusations was I gave her more work than the others (actually the work was split 50/50 between the 2 of them.
& all work is allocated on the computer so records would show that)
Is she going to do that with everything I give her? So she will be doing less than her colleagues that are getting paid the sane to do double the work, which opens the door for them to rightly complain.
I feel reall stuck

[TotalPerspectiveVortex]

Have you considered mediation? You could ask your manager. ASCAS provide mediators too, and this seems like a reasonable start to getting it sorted - one way or another, it helps resolve issues, or shows her for who she is, and then you've been incredibly reasonable indeed, which you can point out in a grievance.

[sallyst123]

I think I am going to have to go through hr. It's not something I have had to do before, but I don't think I've been left with much choice. Maybe they can help with that mediation idea. We have to clear the air before we start again else it's just going to fester

[TotalPerspectiveVortex]

Argh, ACAS not ascas!

[sallyst123]

She's English. I was so surprised to hear this. & just to clarify she called me all the names under the sun to my face. But it was to other people that the racial slurs came into play. It was from 4 others I heard that she had said this.
I have known her for a very long time, it makes it all the worst. I think that's why my manager is trying to sweep it all under carpet & hoping it will go away, I think she's finding it difficult to deal with as well. I know my manager didn't want it to go to HR. & the woman who launched the verbal assult used to spoil my children, I would have considered a friend. How she reacted was like years of pent up Rage & I was just in her way. My manager told me today, that she (the agressor ) has had lots of personal problem recently which is why she took everything out on me.& she knows she's said a few things that were wrong, but she's willing to draw the line underneath & wants to start again.
I would never have called her racist. But on this occasion she has gone too far. I don't think my manager helps with her use of language.....SHE is willing to draw a line under & wants a fresh start!!!!
How I have been affected & what I've been subjected to is completely overlooked, not important & doesn't matter. To quote my manager " we all have to work with people we don't like, we've just got to get on with it. You (me ) have to be professional & act like a grown up if she can work with you, you should be able to do the same"

The difference is, I haven't spread rumours, walked off a shift, spoken to her like she is a piece of dirt, called her names, threatened to sue, screamed in her face, & been racially abusive. & then rewarded with a cuddle from a senior manager.

[sallyst123]

Sorry I knew I would end up ranting.
This has all really upset me.
I work really hard, & it feels like it's completely undervalued.
My manager has said she's being neatural & that if I had made the same mistake as the agressor has. She would be going out of her way to give me a 2nd chance, BUT it feels like actually she has taken this woman's side totally. Even though I have evidence that totally substantiates everything that I have said & done.
& everything I have said & done I would do again & again.

[OllyBJolly]

I think mediation is a great idea.

Don't look at it as your manager "taking sides" - they are trying to resolve a really awful situation. Maybe she's doing the right thing; maybe accepting a rescinded resignation is completely wrong. This decision is no reflection at all on you - you will be held in the same esteem as before. The other person has seriously blotted her record with her behaviour - I'm guessing she will be far more worried than you are about how she is going to fit in.

Try to understand where the behaviour came from. Was it down to stress, or medical reasons, or was there a trigger from something in the past? It wasn't acceptable by any standards - that will be obvious to everyone.

Her behaviour, and the consequences of it, are no reflection on you. You just have to manage the situation as best you can and I do believe mediation will help all of you deal with that.

[sallyst123]

Thank you. I'm going into work today. & logging everything with my HR dept. My manager is obviously not offering me any type of protection so I will have to get that myself. It's difficult because I run my little substation like a family but I think that's probably part of the problem I should keep a professional distance from the staff. So if incidents like this occur it's not so emotional.
As I said I have worked for the company 15 years & never had to go to HR. Never had to go to my manager with a problem actually. So this is out of my depth. & I guess this is why I'm struggling.
Wish me luck today

[BlueBlueSea]

I think you are right to go to HR. If she comes back and it happens again, there will be questions on why it was not reported last time.

There should be a meeting with you, her, your manager and a HR rep, to say that the behaviour was unaceptable and that if it happens again she will be instantly dismissed.

[sallyst123]

I got through the day!!! I went to hr when I could tell she wasn't at all apologetic. She said " I'm not going to rub your nose in anything or hold anything against you. I just want to do my job" she actually has the victim act hands down.
she didn't apologise & I certainly wasn't going to. So I think it will go down the mediation route.
No one in my team can understand why she has been allowed back.
I have all my witness statements all jobs & information that is relavent now logged on my file. I am very much feeling bullied out of my job & these acts feel like just desperately holding on. Finding out today that it was my manager that rang her up to talk her out of leaving. Does not sound to me like someone who is acting from a neutral position.
I am looking for a new job. & until something becomes available will make sure everything I do is non reproachable.

[jclm]

Would you consider going to the police?

[LoveAnchor]

Your manager's interests might be very different from yours, for example she might be worried about the aggressor leaving under a cloud and spreading bad rumours about the company / department. She might be worried about her own reputation and that she perhaps hasn't addressed it sooner (if she had such an opportunity). It's definitely in her interests to resolve the conflict (if possible) and move on. But you have to protect your own interests - going to HR is a good idea. You can also look into reporting this incident to police.

[sallyst123]

I never thought about going to police as it wasn't a physical attack. It was verbal & then a heck of a lot of slander.
I'm keeping a diary of any interaction with this woman.
& even though it is tedious for all any work I allocate for her is recorded & logged as well. ( one of her complaints was that I gave her double the workload of her colleague. As it happens I have the sheets recording her workload & the other person working with her on the day the incident took place & both have exactly the same amount of work. Around 3 hours work that she had 7 hours to complete. Not exactly overworked!)

[autumnleaves123]

I work with a terrible, difficult, nasty person, who spreads rumours, arrives late, doesn't do any work, uses health issues as an excuse to manipulate and play the system. All this in the managers faces year after year, and they all look the other way. Once in my supervisory role, I reported her unjustified lateness for two years, and the managers turned my complaint against me, and started treating me as if I am the bad guy.

Big lesson to be learned: never ever, no matter how right you are, expect a manager to take sides or do something to rectify the situation. They are most likely to brush things under the carpet, or pander to the problem person as they are the one they need to tame. It's infuriating to see but it's a technique that keeps them getting sweet salaries doing the less they can get away with.

Rectifying an unfair situation is hard work, painful work. That's what most people try to avoid at work.

I do feel for you OP. It's a horrible feeling to feel alone and unsupported in the work place. Try to ignore this person as much as you possibly can and only address her about work. I don't ever talk to this person ever. Only when it's absolutely necessary and I try to be cordial and neutral, though I am fuming inside.