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Work

Apparently I'm boffing the CEO

19 replies

Sunsandrainbows · 11/02/2015 21:45

A rumour has been going round for ages that I'm having an affair with the CEO of my firm. As a senior woman, knowing this is absolutely untrue and ungrounded I've held my head high and ignored it. Today I asked for support from my (exiting) boss to support me asking to report a level up once he goes... His response is to ask me if I'm sleeping with the CEO (which I obviously countered) and to say I have to address this as all the other snr managers at his level (one below the CEO) think this is true they wouldn't respect or support me if I did end up at that level. Meanwhile I know who started the rumour and why she did...(jealous, older, chip in her shoulder but popular and chatty though she's backed away from me since...) So, would love some suggestions of how to deal with this situation from other mamas in the workplace. My old boss (a man) says I should take it up with the CEO directly - and I do have a decent relationship with him! I just don't know if he knows about the rumour and raising it is just AWKWARD!! Pls share your thoughts!! X

OP posts:

Report

Unexpected · 11/02/2015 22:32

Speak to HR? Sounds like your company is large enough to have a fairly substantial HR function. Let them speak to the CEO and decide how to knock this on the head.

CurlyWurlyCake · 11/02/2015 22:35

speak to HR. Keep it factual and let them speak to the CEO and the rumour starter.

PacificDogwood · 11/02/2015 22:37

Have this rumour recorded by HR and brought to the CEO's attention.
Whoever started it needs to be disciplined officially.

Just out of interest, why are you looking for opinions from other 'mamas' in the workplace?
You need employment advice - I wonder who you arrived on MN with this specific problem?

MrsDiesel · 11/02/2015 22:39

Definitely HR.

Sunsandrainbows · 11/02/2015 23:41

Apologies I thought most other women on here were "mamas" here on "mumsnet" as I am. I am new..sorry if I've offended. It doesn't matter though - affects anyone. And as for contacting HR, absolutely not. Will not in a million years consider that. HR is actually there to protect management - I know this as a senior manager. They would go into full lockdown mode given it involves the CEO and that would not be useful...

OP posts:

Nolim · 12/02/2015 08:20

If you wont go to hr then i dont know what else you can do tbh.

iklboo · 12/02/2015 08:25

The only thing you CAN do is group HR. If you try to address this directly with the perpetrator you can bet she will go to them to accuse YOU of bullying / harassment.

runawaysimba · 12/02/2015 08:30

Then surely it's in HR's interest to protect the CEO over the rumour monger? It's his reputation being besmirched, too.

flowery · 12/02/2015 08:33

"HR is actually there to protect management - I know this as a senior manager"

So, that's...er...you and the CEO they are there to protect then...?

HappyAsASandboy · 12/02/2015 08:34

What do you mean by 'lockdown'?

I would have thought that they'd want it sorted out if they're protective of the CEO and management?

worldgonecrazy · 12/02/2015 08:39

Many succesful women have faced a similar problem, and the accusation that they only reached a position of success by shagging the boss. The only thing you can do is work twice as hard to be thought half-as-good. Dignity, a great track record and earning respect the hard way is your best way forward.

You could start a counter rumour that the CEO is shagging the woman who started the rumour, and she only started the rumour to cover her own tracks. But that would be mean.

minkGrundy · 12/02/2015 08:41

You have 3 choices, ignore it, go to HR or go to every manager at that level and tell them f2f that it is not true and take your chances that they believe you.

If you do go to HR they would presumably only talk to you, the ceo and the rumour monger which means the other managers would still be none the wiser. It might even look more suspicious.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 12/02/2015 08:47

You need to go to HR and they should then protect both you and the CEO from the rumour monger.

Otherwise, you have three options:

accept that you will never get as high in your career as you could because your colleagues prefer to believe unsubstantiated rumours;
countering every time anyone mentions or implies that you are sleeping with the CEO with "yes, I know that X (you will have to be specific) started that rumour. I have chosen to ignore it as I think it was unprofessional and inappropriate"; or
move laterally to a higher-up position in a different company.

Micah · 12/02/2015 09:07

But the ceo will surely be negatively affected by these rumour too? So it's in hr's interest to protect both of you.

I'd make a note of all incidents. Then request a meeting, take someone you trust. Absolutely point out that you are not blaming or accusing the ceo, in fact you are sure he would want it stopped.

You could consider an employment lawyer too, see what they advise. Advantage being confidentality

minkGrundy · 12/02/2015 09:12

The real crux of the matter is you wotk.in a company with a male ceo and male senior managers and a culture that prefers to believe that you as a woman got there thrpugh favouritism rather than merit.

Depressingly even if the rumour was quashed they would be unlikely to promote anyway as they clearly don't want women at that level.

if anything they may be more likely to promote you if they thought it would win favour with the ceo.

So you can either push at the discrimination angle or just carry on as you were. Be very good at your job and hope that they see that more than they hear the rumour

TheGirlInTheGlass · 12/02/2015 09:20

I'm all for Kleine's second response there, combined with talking to the CEO.
If you agree with your boss and it's the other mangers' opinions that are the issue, then talk to them. Then bring it up with the CEO later- "I've been talking to my boss about supporting me to level up. He was concerned that some rumours started by X might be damaging my reputation amongst the senior managers, but I've addressed it with them and negated that. Would you be able to advise me on the next steps in my application, or anything you feel I could do to support it?"
Casually mentioning the problem and then switching straight back to business will prove you are professional. If he persists, you could mention it's something untrue, a little embarrassing to discuss, and you don't want it impacting his opinions. If he pushes, tell him, followed up immediately with the fact that you don't want him to let it influence his decision.
Then dismiss it and get back to business.

TheGirlInTheGlass · 12/02/2015 09:23

Forgot to say you could throw in an aside along the lines that you'd "hate to have to address this with her formally... So anyway, back to the progression plan..."

Sunsandrainbows · 12/02/2015 19:23

Thank you all, very helpful!!

OP posts:

HermioneWeasley · 13/02/2015 20:23

Just ignore it. If I'd had affairs with everyone I've been rumoured to, I'd 1) be walking like a farmer 2) never have got any work done. Workplaces love gossip and speculation. If there's nothing going on and no fuel for the rumours then it will die out soon enough.

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