Three strikes and you are out!

[TinyWishes]

Looking for some advice please. I started a new job on 14/10 - a lovely little admin job, no stress, local, nice folk! - Apart from one guy who has been here 24 years and has made a few comments over the last few weeks. It's playing on my mind a little and making me feel uneasy when I am trying to feel settled.

Me and hubby are currently TTC and over the past 7 weeks the guy at work has mentioned his three deal breakers. They are Drugs, Alcohol and yep - pregnancy. Obviously I don't do drugs, and hardly drink.

The pregnancy comment has really stuck with me because I am trying to conceive.

I guess I am looking for some words to settle my mind, I worry they will sack me for me becoming pregnant, although I am not planning on telling them and using annual leave for any appointments/scans because I wont be able to keep taking his remarks on the chin each time he makes them. Because it angers me, as no one - (our manager) says anything.

I work with one older lady (75!) who has never had nor wanted children - the HR lady hasn't had any children as she was career minded...so I don't really feel like I have any female support.

I am doing really well at this company and wish to stay and return after having a baby. But I do worry I wont have any support during/after pregnancy.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Thanks in advance.

[Greyhound]

It is illegal to sack a woman because she is pregnant and your colleague is very out of order.

[cogitosum]

Er is he a manager or colleague?

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

I rhino and have had pregnancies so I tick three of your colleagues naughty boxes but it wouldn't bother me though because he is a huge as who has no right to say the things he is saying. I wouldn't use annual leave in your position, I would take great pride in rubbing his nose into my antenatal time off. ACAS would have a lot to say about his attitude if he continues once you are pregnant.

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

Drink, not rhino (although I am quite thick skinned).

[TinyWishes]

I am a secretary and I work for him, but he isn't the manager.

[TinyWishes]

I know they cannot sack me, but I have read they can make me redundant.

[Mariposa10]

If they make you redundant after you have told them you're pregnant they would have to have a very, very good reason why. It is illegal to make a woman redundant because of pregnancy so they would be taking a very big risk.

[TinyWishes]

The company is Nationwide so doubt they would make me redundant. I do worry for as I don't have the best of luck I have been made redundant three times in my career to date.

Does anyone have any advice in dealing with my colleague. I thought of one response 'Sorry my life is an inconvenience to you' wondering if there was anything else I could say to more or less say without getting myself into trouble!

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

How about saying to him: it's a shame that your parents didn't have anything against women being pregnant or perhaps you wouldn't have been born.
I do realise that saying that is probably far too aggressive, but he sounds such an ass that I would be tempted (but probably would think it rather than saying it out loud).

[Unexpected]

Apart from the fact that you can't be fired for being pregnant, I would doubt that a single manager in a company the size of Nationwide gets to decide on what grounds anyone gets fired! Drugs can be a complete no-no is most companies but there are certainly instances where one incident of drunken behaviour has not resulted in an employee being fired.

Tempting as it is to say something to him, I would mention it to HR instead. Just because the HR lady doesn't have children doesn't mean that she won't be aware of the seriousness of what he is saying to you. A quiet word in his ear is needed.

[Ellypoo]

I would mention it to HR or your line manager as they are very inappropriate comments, whether you are TTC or not.

It would have nothing to do with this guy if you were to become pg, he isn't your line manager, not that they could do anything (sack, make redundant etc) anyway.

[SkyHighWhy]

Do not make any of the comment suggested above - it won't end well if you do.
Speak to HR and ask if they are aware of his views. He is a risk to the company if he tries to act on his views. Perhaps HR could enlighten him on the company's responsibilities to support a woman who becomes pregnant, or a person of either sex who wishes to take leave to support a partner who gives birth.

It's not personal, it's the law he's messing with, and putting the company at risk. HR ought to be told.

[cogitosum]

Assuming he sounds like he's being serious I'd speak to HR.

[Bowchickawowow]

I would speak to HR now and say it is making you feel anxious. If you really feel it might escalate, pre-empt now.

[GoingToCalifornia]

If you're at Nationwide HQ in Swindon they were the best company I ever worked for. They had a crèche and a gym and flexible hours waaaaay before these perks ever became mainstream. I miss that place.

[Millerpup]

This is typical of someone whom has worked in a comfortable job for many years and doesn't realise that making statements like that can get himself and his company into trouble.
Personally i would just ignore him, and try not to worry. Nationwide are a huge company and there are many i am sure in position above him that know the law.
If it helps just keep a little diary on his comments stating what was said who in front of and the time and date so if anything does escalate you can state that you had previous concerns and defend yourself.
You are protected by the law when you become a new and expectant mother at work but when you fall pregnant there are requirements that you have to follow and this is where a lot of new mothers fall down leaving themselves vunerable to idiots like the one you describe.
Keep your future plans to yourself and read up on your rights when you fall a good bullet pointed read can be found on the hse website entitled "new an expectant mothers" the law what you need to know.
Good Luck !