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DH struggling

4 replies

LittlePink · 16/04/2014 13:42

My DH is so down with his job. Hes so miserable when he comes home saying hes really struggling and often feels inadequate and stupid. Hes supposed to lead on projects but says he feels like he doesn't know what hes doing himself so how can he be expected to lead and soon enough hes going to rumbled as incompetent by his colleagues.

Its so sad to see him like this. Hes not like this as a person, hes upbeat and a smiley character usually. Hes been in this job for 6 months and ive told him to give it a year as the first 6 mths are always the hardest and it takes sometimes a year to feel confident in a new role.

I told him to make a plan of what he wants to achieve over the next 6 mths and work towards these objectives and if he hasnt achieved them by that time or hasn't been able to fulfil his role then perhaps this isn't the job for him and he should look elsewhere.

I think morale is bad there as a lot of people are leaving. There have been major problems there for years and he feels like its all on his shoulders to make it all better and fix everything straight away.

Any other ideas for me to put to him to help him?

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minipie · 16/04/2014 13:44

There's something called "imposter syndrome" where you feel you're no good and about to be found out. Very common especially in senior people! Might be worth looking up?

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LittlePink · 16/04/2014 14:29

Imposter syndrome! Wow. Ok thanks, will look it up! He is senior management.

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Sandthorn · 17/04/2014 12:12

I was about to say that where morale is low and people feel out of their depth, there's probably a problem with management. The downside of being senior-management is that you can't pass the buck upwards, BUT the upside is you have it in your authority to change things. When did your husband last make time for some professional development? It's easy to neglect that stuff when you take on senior roles and have a billion other things to do, and when there's nobody above you to remind you, but that's also when you need it most. If he needs training in project management, there are tonnes of good courses out there. If it's industry-specific inspiration he needs, he should be making time to get to conferences. Either way, although there's a cost to his organisation, it will pay off in his increased competence and confidence. You don't promote somebody to the top and then let their skills atrophy.

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JessieMcJessie · 23/04/2014 13:55

I think you have done the right thing in making it clear to him that you are open to him looking for a new job if he diesn't feel better within 6 months. While I believe that people can be too hard on themselves, and sometimes you need time to settle in, it's also entirely possible that this is the wrong job for him, either because it's the right role in the wrong company or just the wrong role. If he feels you'll support him in looking elsewhere that's really important-key though is to make sure that he takes away from this job lessons learned about what elements are not right for him, and doesn't just end up in a new job with the same issues. I know how he feels and wish him much luck.

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