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Crisis of confidence- should I accept job offer?(29 Posts)
This is probably going to end up quite long and rambly, so bear with me.
I have worked in a mid tier accountancy firm for the past year, having come over with the rest of the team from a public sector organisation where I completed most of my training contract. I qualified CPFA last winter.
I have never been sure that I wanted to stay in this type of job forever; I fell into it after uni as there was little else available without relocating, which I still don't want to do as DH relocated to here for me and is now in a very secure job which pays twice what I get. However I have the attitude that if I'm going to do anything, I want to be good at it.
I had been feeling a bit sort of lost at work as I haven't been enjoying it and have been questioning how good my output is compared to my peers, but we've been so busy it's just a case of getting on with it. After feeling particularly fed up one day recently, I updated my cv and put it online with the aim of applying for one or two jobs in different sectors just to see how my transferable skills were received. However it was immediately picked up by a recruiter who put me forward for some jobs with big 4 firms. I thought I may as well go along with this out of curiosity and a desire for interview practice- however one of them has now offered me a job.
At the same time and coincidentally, one of the managers I work for decided it would be a good time to tell me about some comments he overheard about my work in a meeting, although he couldn't remember the details or who said what. I was really upset at the thought that people have been unhappy with my work and not told me. I know he was only trying to help, but he kept going on about how I just needed to become more confident- I came away feeling I needed to change myself completely to get back in the team's good books. I also coincidentally had a target setting meeting with my line manager, who was also at this other meeting, but she said she couldn't remember any negative comments and she would have told me at the time. She did however point out that I have been appraised as 'good' whereas some of my peers have been classed as 'outstanding', again something I didn't know. I was under the impression that our appraisal system was so non specific it was difficult to get anything other than ' good' unless you were spectacularly awful or amazing.
Anyway by this point (last week) I was feeling massively demoralised and ready to just pack the whole thing in as I was obviously rubbish. However on the advice of a trusted colleague I spoke to one of our directors (who I had always been a bit wary of), and he said he was aware that some of his managers didn't think I was amazing (I can't remember his exact words- he was nice about it though) and has offered to mentor me, meeting up as often as I like to discuss what I'm doing and how to improve, and also to take me along to more senior client meetings etc to help boost my confidence. Apparently he's done it for other people before. This seems like a great opportunity but I can't help wondering why no one has offered to help before, if I'm thought of as under performing?
I had a chat with my dad as well (DH not super helpful in these matters, just keeps saying do whatever makes me happy!) who seemed quite angry at the way I've been treated and said if it was him he would leave and take the other offer. I just feel that if I do, I won't impress the other firm and they will soon realise they haven't got what they thought they were getting. I do also feel loyalty to my current team, even though I don't know which of them don't rate me!
I am also thinking I may pack this whole thing in if I can find another job I would enjoy more, although perhaps my lack of confidence will get in the way whatever I do. But if I did that, it wouldn't look great on my cv to change jobs within this industry only to leave it soon after.
Sorry that was so long! Any advice much appreciated. Hope I haven't outed myself...
Another opportunity will come up again if you don't decide to take this job this time around, nothing has to be forever. You made it happen this time so you can make it happen again.
Start feeling like things are in your control and that you have some say over what happens in your career and I think you'll feel more confident.
Great news re the feedback and your mentor!
OP - might be worth taking a look at this website: http://www.theaccountantscoach.com/ which is set up by a woman who was with a BIg4 firm for years, including introducing more family friendly policies, and who now does a lot of coaching around how to minimise work stress, maximise career choices. If you look around the site and google her name, you can get hold of quite a bit of free stuff.
I notice you're CPFA qualified, and think I'm correct in saying alot of Big4 coleagues will be ACA or ACCA -- not sure if that is an issue for you?
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