Christmas party - what should I do?

[Prforone]

I work in a small department within a larger organisation. There are only 3 of us but a large part of our work involves liaising with another department where there are about 20 staff.

This larger department have arranged Christmas party night out at a swanky restaurant and I've just found out that our department has been invited to join them. No, sorry, scrap that - what I actually found out is that my two work colleagues have been invited, and not me! I found out because one of the staff from the larger department is a very good friend of mine and mentioned the party to me today, under the impression I was also invited. When I told them I knew nothing about it, they were really embarrassed - bless 'em.

I'm absolutely gutted because a) I've worked there more than a decade (the other two less than a year), b) I used to work in the other department and have a close working relationship with many of them (or at least I thought) and c) I'm the only one out of the three of us who takes work home, comes in on days off and doesn't sit there chatting/playing on my phone/internet browsing all day long (okay, that one's personal and probably sounds a bit bitchy but it's true!!!).

Upshot is my very good friend has questioned my omission from the guest list. Lots of embarrassed faces and quick changes of subject. My friend thinks I may get an email tomorrow inviting me along.

Question is, what do I do? Whilst I would dearly love to go and spend time with my work colleagues, I don't want to be an afterthought. Part of me thinks the other two got invited because they're pretty young 20-something's, whereas I'm a 40-year-old divorced mum (or is that paranoia?!?). Do I accept the invitation graciously, smile sweetly and politely decline (even though I want to go?), or decline the invitation and let them know I'm unhappy about being left out?

I really don't want to go running to HR screaming 'It's SO unfair" but surely it's discrimination of some kind?

[EBearhug]

It could be a genuine oversight. I think the best way to approach it is to treat it as such and go along with it, unless you get concrete evidence otherwise.

[WipsGlitter]

I don't think it's discrimination as it may jot be an "official" work event. So if they were organising it among themselves and someone suggested asking the other two then there's not a lot you can do. Is the bigger team a young one? I'd just decline and not say anything.

[3bunnies]

Go along and get drunk with your friend and ignore the rest of them? Although awkward I probably would go, it won't be everyone who thinks you are an afterthought, I doubt that they e-mailed everyone saying let's invite the 20 somethings but make sure x doesn't hear. I imagine that whoever is planning it is friends with your colleagues so decided to add them to the list.

[Prforone]

Bigger team is a mixture of all ages (some even older than me!). And it IS an official "do". Apparently our team the other two have been invited because a Christmas party for just the three of us wouldn't be as much fun as a larger group.

Having this knowledge, I'd love to go in tomorrow and just casually say "So, ladies, what are we doing for a Christmas party this year?" and watch them squirm, but I'm fairly sure they'll know by now that their little secret's out!

Sorry, I know this is making me sound very bitter and twisted, but I'm genuinely upset because I've had a lot of time for these people (in both departments) and work my f**king backside off in our company.

[FunkyFucker]

Stop working your backside off for a start.

I'd probably say 'thanks for the afterthought but I get the message loud and clear' and definitely wouldn't go.

[WipsGlitter]

Well if its an official do then speak to the official organiser (our CEOs pa is in charge) and ask what happened. They'll fob you off with it was an oversight so you could ask to see the emails, but that's maybe taking it a bit far!

[damejudydench]

I would decline and tell them I already have a prior appointment if asked (whether I had or not). I'd be stewing otherwise.

If it's any consolation, a similar thing happened to me but it was intentional (by a colleague who had applied for my job and not got it).

[DontCallMeDaughter]

If you'd dearly love to go, then go! Don't stay at home and be sad when really you want to be there.

The chances are that this was just a genuine mistake, someone wasn't thinking properly. I know it hurts and it's awful to be the one that's forgotten but you want to go, so go.

Hopefully you'll get an apology and an explanation tomorrow that will make you feel better anyway.

[yummumto3girls]

Agree if it's an official party then I would be speaking to your manager and asking why you were left out! Does sound all very odd and understandably upsetting.

[flowery]

Not sure why you think it's "surely" discrimination, if all the invitees are of different ages and presumably a mixture of men and women... Is there another relevant protected characteristic that you feel was the reason you weren't invited in the first place?

I agree it was probably an oversight, and if you want to go you should go.

[sarahandemily]

I agree, it was either an oversight or at worst it was the fault of the one person/small clique organising the party. As with all places there will be people in that dept who you get on with better than others and you should just go and enjoy yourself with the ones you get on with.

Whatever you do, don't make an issue of it with management. They really don't want to be involved in 'playground' stuff like this.

[chanie44]

I'm sure it was just an oversight.

I remember some colleagues organising a social at the pub after work and somebody coming up to me asking why they hadn't been invited (in a nice but hurt way). I replied ask xxx (who was organising it and happened to be in the same team as said colleague).

Nowadays, I always maker sure a blanket email is sent around so everybody is included.