So lonely at work

[TreeMonkey]

I know I've got a decently paid and secure job but I'm so unhappy in this work place I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. I'm in an office with one other person where there's no dynamic nor conversation and in short, I'm really lonely. I miss having work friends, people to have lunch with, a quick chat in between work and any kind of social life I've enjoyed in the past when working with other people.

I'm looking for new positions, I've been looking for a year now and aside from one interview, I've only received rejections from my applications. Its so disheartening and really not helping how I feel about work.
I know I should feel good, grateful even for having the job that I do. I work in quite a niche industry and jobs are hard to come by. I'm trying to change direction a bit in my job searches that still use the same skills but still no luck.

I suppose I just wanted a bit of a rant about feeling like this. I'm so jealous of my partner who works with a really nice group of people and are always doing things together. It makes me feel like a right billy-no-mates.

[PeterParkerSays]

Bumping as I colud have written your post. I'm in an open plan office, where everyone else speaks to the people they're close to / do the same job as them. As I'm more senior, they pass me by, and my desk doesn't even have a window.

There are so few other jobs out there it's demoralising.

Are there other people in other offices in the same building?

[TreeMonkey]

Its a bit of a strange set up as we are a small "satellite" office to a company abroad. We've got a small office space in a building of similar small companies. I've worked in other serviced offices where there was a kitchen and you could have a chat with people from other companies but this place only has a small tea point and you very rarely see anyone walking through the corridors, making tea etc.

I thought I'd be ok in an office like this but its really not for me. I need to find a lunch club or something.

PeterParker, feel for you. My first job was like that but in reverse as I was the most junior. I only ever got emails from people, it was as if talking to the person next to you was banned.

[MagratGarlik]

I could have written your post a year ago. On paper, fab job, well-paid, own office, part-time salary which was more than many earn full-time. When I took the job, I thought it was my dream position. Within a year, I hated it. I dreaded going in each morning, crying in my car in the morning, I woke during the night on an hourly basis, depression, no motivation, no interest. I took a decision to leave. I won't say it has all been easy, I've had, "what have I done" moments when I think of my past salary and think how easy it would have been financially to carry on. However, when I think rationally, I don't regret my decision to leave. I had left for a career change, which has now turned into a slight change on the original change.

Try to identify exactly what you don't like about your current position (at a certain moment, I couldn't even do that as everything merged into everything else) and work from there. Are there possibilities to satisfy the bits you don't like within your current organisation? If not, can you give yourself a time-limit, i.e. if I haven't found a new position by X then I will leave anyway and move to career plan B?

Sorry, that was very long and rambling. I hope of some use.

[manchestermummy]

I could have written your post. I am hated where I work: I am blanked when I walk into rooms. I am never invited to social occasions. My line manager held a garden party for all staff apart from me. I have found myself in a senior position and because I have only been there for 'five minutes' (actually five years) I am not respected. I am part time too and they hate that.

I have tried, but these days I tell myself that I have work to do and plenty of friends elsewhere. Sad but true.

[TreeMonkey]

For me, what I don't like is the lack of colleagues and the atmosphere. Its just me and one other and as nice as he is, we just don't have anything in common. We sit here in silence with the radio on or with headphones on and work. Occasionally we make conversation, and I like to think that I'm alright at small talk so could strike a conversation up about anything but I don't get anything back.

Most of my time is spent at work and if I don't have any friends here it makes me feel really lonely. I used to socialise a lot with people I worked with, we would go for a drink after work, all go to the park at lunch, organise nights out. Because I don't have that now, I feel like I haven't got any friends. I do meet up with my old work colleagues (we were all essentially made redundant so we're all scattered around now) and its lovely when we do meet up but understandably, they all have their own lives too so we don't get the chance to see each other that often.

The work itself is fine, I tell myself to just keep my head down and get it done but the lack of people and dynamic here is definitely affecting my motivation. I'm getting into the office later and later, procrastinating more and more and end up around 3pm with a mad rush just to try and get everything done and end up staying late - I suppose a bit like someone with depression sleeping late into the morning and being up at night.

I'm trying to keep myself busy afterwork with run clubs and choirs and my boyfriend is lovely and invites me out with his colleagues afterwork but sadly this just fuels my jealousy and I feel really guilty because I should be enjoying these occasion not resenting.

I'm sorry, I'm just feeling really down about it all and fed up with being fobbed off by recruitment consultants. Bloody 'ell I sound desperate don't I?

[BriansBrain]

You don't sound desperate Tree.

I do think you are expecting to much socially from your work though.

Do you have enough work to keep you busy during the day? Does your work enable you to communicate with other staff and departments?

Manchester your situation sounds dreadful! I'm part time and come against a few entitled twats that think part time means slacker but I'm so busy and determined I don't let them bother me.

I won't be part time forever and I'm actually doing a previously full time role part time so feel I'm doing well.

Your line manager sounds delightful

[Southeastdweller]

I'm in a similar situation. In my team we're all quite different with different ages, backgrounds and interests and there's nobody on my wavelength apart from the odd temp we get in now and then. It is really hard when you're dying to go out for a few drinks after work, go shopping at lunch - that kind of thing - but there's nobody to do it with, apart from your own friends who probably work or live a fair distance away. I've had days when i've spoken maybe 100 words max. It's all quite isolating and probably a bit unhealthy

Sorry I can't be helpful but I wanted you to know that there's others going through this.

[TreeMonkey]

Brians you're right. I think I do have high expectations socially but perhaps I've been fortunate in the past with other positions and that highlights this issue further? Also those close around me have much more favorable conditions and this perhaps makes me focus on me being on my own more..?

I do have work to keep me busy but not always the motivation to do it. There's a real dynamic missing. I'm not saying that I need other people around me or breathing down my neck to work but when there are other people around, or if people from our head office are over hot desking, I do get a lot more done during the day. On a normal day I end up staying late often just to catch up on the things I should have done whilst I was reading wikipeadia or other time wasting activities. I realise that this makes me sound work shy which I'm not, I've always been really hard working and when work needs to be done I do do it.

Something will come along, it has to and I have to be sensible and think of the mortgage and that I could be worse off. Thank you for listening and knowing that I'm not on my own, despite it being proper shite for everyone.

[maybemyrtle]

I feel for you. I work from home, but for a large organisation and although I've been in this role for 3 years, I still miss the casual social interaction of working around other people. Last year was especially hard for various reasons, but somehow things this year have just fallen into place. Not sure if I've got used to being on my own or am better at managing it.

I agree that you may be relying too much on work for your social life, and I'd suggest making more social arrangements around/outside of working hours and getting your "people fix" that way. Meeting people for lunch (or arranging a phone catch up over lunch) is really humanising and could make your days more focussed - must get this done before leaving etc. Oh and don't stay late to finish work and become even more resentful - leave at the right time and catch up in the morning. You will.

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick but your OP really resonated. :)

[hermioneweasley]

Tree - I don't think you're expecting too much. The social aspect is a big part of work. I have made lifelong friends at work.

If your industry is niche there will be fewer opportunities but also fewer qualified/experienced people. Are there specialist employment agencies for your field? Maybe you need to be more proactive and target companies rather than waiting for vacancies to come up? Are there networking events and conferences you can attend? Are you on LinkedIn?

I hope something comes up.