Help I think I need to resign.

(15 Posts)
MtnBikeChick Wed 23-Jan-13 08:16:23

I. Moved jobs 9 mo ths ago- big cultural change, went from 4 day wk to 5 on basis of much more family friendly hours, etc. the organisation I work for is hugely interesting but I have not felt right there. I don't work well with my boss and find her micro management and style hugely oppressive. I have had two very difficult situations recently where my flex working request (to work one day a week from home) was rejected on "perception of women' grounds ( am aware of legal ramifications of this - am an in house lawyer!). I am utterly miserable, feel as though my life in a city law firm was actually much happier and less stressful than this, that I am constantly upset and stressed at home and all this for a salary I don't actually need (realise I am lucky and although life would be tighter we could live on one salary). I am however professionally petrified of resigning. I am scared taking time out will mean I won't ever work again and will lose touch. I am scared of what people will think- confidence at all time low. I should have listened to my heart. Even when I took the job I wasn't 100% excited... It had to do with the style and personalityif my boss. I work solely for her and have no direct reports but I do have colleagues in my team. I just do t know what to do!!!

minko Wed 23-Jan-13 20:04:45

Hello, my career is quite different, I do graphic design - but I recognise your problem. I took a 5 day a week job 15 months ago and it has been a struggle from the start. The work is relatively easy, it's just fitting life around it. I have a husband who earns a huge salary which is very nice of course, but it makes my pittance wage seem a bit pointless. But I feel I need my work for my own professional satisfaction, my confidence and my identity. I'm just tired of being tired all the time. Today I hit an all-time low and cried at work. All very embarrassing but I'm now really wondering about resigning...
I know I'm no help to you but I was kind of glad to hear someone in a similar situation. Keep us informed...

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Wed 23-Jan-13 20:13:51

Why not look for a new job rather than just quit?

minko Wed 23-Jan-13 20:28:17

I am (sorry to hijack your thread!) I had a really good interview for a 3 day a week job but found out I didn't get it last week, which was a set-back mentally... Jobs in my area which fit around the kids are few and far between where we live so it's not easy... My job is perfect for me, I just can't handle the hours. It is very frustrating.

BTW, husband is less than keen on me jacking my job in...

MtnBikeChick Wed 23-Jan-13 21:38:17

I am looking at what is out there and have a friend who recruits in the sector so I am considering that option. Worried what my cv will look like with a move so quick. Have even contemplated getting pregnant as an option... Tho this is not a long term solution.

My motto in life is that life is too short and you should make it the happiest life possible whilst being sensible. Your job is not making you happy so leave but you have options:

1) Leave - you will be happier and no job and no amount of money can make you truly happy.

2) Find a new job and channel all your energy into finding a new one and ignore all the work stress then leave when you have a new job

3) Look for a contract role where you work for a 6 months and move onto another contract job - this way you can get job satisfaction for a period of time and know you can take month off before another one starts etc.

I have been where you have been and leaving was the best thing I ever did - I left without a new job in place and yes money was tight meant I couldn't go buy little luxuries, thought twice about buying branded clothes etc. but I would rather have to buy clothes from Primark and be happy then be sodding miserable every day just to maintain an easier lifestyle. Not saying that is how you spend your money but its an illustrative example.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh Wed 23-Jan-13 22:07:05

Law is conservative on moves but if this is your only short term thing with previously stable career it shouldn't be a blocker. Prepare to be asked in interview though.

cassell Wed 23-Jan-13 22:26:27

Would your old firm be interested in having you back? So in terms of future career moves then it's more like a 'secondment' in house than a short term job iyswim. Are there any options to do a 'secondment' to an external firm your company uses? We've sometimes had in house lawyers come to us for say 6months or even a couple of days a week.

I'm on ML after my second and I don't really want to go back as I'm fed up with my firm but like you scared of taking more time out and how it would be seen. I've looked at options like working freelance or PSL roles which tend to be more family friendly. Might be possibilities for you?

Unless you're partner level then IMO lawyers move around a lot these days so a short term job shouldn't be too much of a problem but I would try and get something lined up before you leave as I think time out other than for ml does affect employability.

Woodifer Thu 24-Jan-13 10:30:21

Sorry to be a bit thick (and on a tangent not really helping you) - but what is "perception of women's grounds"?

I can understand where you are coming from...although my situation is a bit different. I was in house for 5 years at I job I loved, but with a complete bastard boss. It's a long story!! Easter last year I started looking for a new job...and eventually I found one which I started in September. It is ok, my boss is lovely (but in the US) but the job itself is dull. Why am I on MN at this time. I am already thinking that I may start to look for something else (although as it is flexible, the money is good, etc), but I am in no rush.

IF I was you, I would post on Totally Legal (or check out the jobs), and contact some agents. Be clear (when asked) that the job is not quite what you had expected, and mention (but don't make a big deal of) personality clash. I would major on the job and not the personality - I have been through this recently!!

If absolutely dire, and you need the money, you could always do contract work (document review), but I wouldn't recommend that. Try and get a job that suits you, and put your notice in when you have an offer.

iluvbananas Wed 30-Jan-13 22:39:44

I have just handed my notice in at work. Lawyer and manager of a team. When not stressful the job is just too all-consuming for me to properly engage with my kids and DH when I get home. Work 4 days but am knackered when not at work. DH works long hours. Hardly see kids in the week (ages7&9) and no time for homework or ferrying them about to after school/evening activities. My kids are great and so much fun and I'm missing out and so are they. Another few yrs and they'll be off. I'm not spending those last few years stuck in an office behind a computer for most of the week. Sod my progress up the legal career ladder. I want my kids to be happy and do well at school and that's going to be my focus for the time being. I finish my notice at Easter and can't wait. We'll be holidaying in the uk more often and less meals out but the kids don't care as long as we have time together. I'm going to college to learn tiling and decorating so I can get stuck into some practical jobs. I'm going to have a good go at the garden. I might volunteer at the local CAB to keep my hand in and expand my experience (tribunals and appeals representation, debt and housing advice etc) and so I meet new people. I might do a Masters degree or a teaching course. I'd like to help out with reading at school. I'm going to join an exercise class in the daytime and do more walking. I've got lots of ideas but first I'm going to have a few weeks doing not much to get my energy back. But most importantly I am going to take and fetch the kids from school and make us all nice dinners. It's just a few years that if I miss them for the sake of my job I'll be sorry. I will find other work I like eventually, perhaps doing something entirely different. It's scary but you only live once and have one go at bringing your kids up.

minko Thu 31-Jan-13 20:18:53

Oh, I love your little speech there iluvbananas! Thank you so much for that. I am in the same situation right now and am making similar plans to you. Currently I work full time and it's killing me. I'm thinking of jacking it in at Easter and like you, look forward to doing the school run, being a proper mum and sorting the house out as well as actually getting some exercise and a bit of me-time. Work can wait for a bit. Re-training is also an exciting possibility. Having no money is a bit daunting but like you say, you only live once and the kids are only young once. Good luck - to both of us!!

AnnetteTwitcher Thu 07-Feb-13 09:37:11

I feel exactly the same. Have an amazing, creative job in fashion marketing for a company admired around the world but have no one to delegate to and no chance of getting the work done in 4days 9-5. It's a miserable feeling and I sometimes wonder if 'that's it career over'. I miss being with my tiny kids, I hate feeling like nothing is working and am getting ever closer to taking a deep breath and just quitting to focus on my family.

Good luck!

piffpoff Thu 07-Feb-13 16:28:54

I love your post bananas, I have also been feeling the strain lately, DH is working abroad and I work in a secure mental health unit and all the verbal abuse and incidents at work lately are having a corrosive effect on my own mental health . I have cried at work twice this year op and have never done that before in 20 years of nursing. DH and I have worked out I can hand in my notice at the end of April (it can't come soon enough) and I was thinking of getting another job probably low paid to fit in with school etc but I am so taken with the idea of doing some college courses that I might actually enjoy, I'm going to look into furniture upholstering or something like it. So glad I looked at this thread today.

Chottie Sat 09-Feb-13 05:41:14

I stayed at home when my children were young and I am so glad I did. You all seem to have jobs with incredibly high levels of responsibility and stress. If you are in the position of having a choice, you are fortunate. Wishing you all well.

Way to go bananas!

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