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DW is having a difficult time with colleagues what help can I give her.

(12 Posts)
worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 21:29:24

DW is having a bad time at work, She has a toxic enabler of a boss (Director), her direct report deputy is is a sexist, racist (no evidence other than observed behaviour) incompetant and one colleague indirectly bellow her are all making her life a misery. She's had to go on anti anxieties to get through the work day.

She manages a team of 15, 14 of whom think she's an excellent boss (I have met most of these people).

So how can I help and support her deal with this shit. A part of me wants to wait in a dark alley and deal violently, with these people who are making her life a misery - VERY BAD IDEA.

Or make an appointment to see the MD and explain that these people have caused to go on anti anxieties and that her workplace is damaging to her health.

I have said that if she wants to terminate employment that's fine by me and that she can take as-long as necessary to get a new job... she's pretty close to accepting that one.

What she wants to do is to hang in as-long as it takes to get a new job, but the stressors at work are (I think) causing her to interview badly. Any thoughs advice or experiences are gladly accepted to help me to help her.

LulaPalooza Thu 15-Nov-12 21:33:17

Listen, support, be kind... but you can't protect her from this or solve it for her. She needs to go through HR or her line manager's manager. follow the correct processes blah blah blah, painful as that might be.

She's obviously a very competent woman to have got to a position of responsibility. You can't go and talk to her MD like she's the head teacher and your child is being bullied, tempting as that might be.

It's lovely that you want to help her.

higgle Thu 15-Nov-12 21:52:30

Afraid this is just a typical workplace.....

helpyourself Thu 15-Nov-12 22:12:03

You sound lovely! She knows you've got her back and she can resign. Let her vent. If she's really frustrated she may need to talk
It through again and again, you can't solve it for her, but listening is really important.

ceeveebee Thu 15-Nov-12 22:21:25

You can listen and advise her but I think it would be a very bad idea for you to speak to her boss or any of her colleagues about this - she needs to fight her own battles. Has she spoken to her boss or to HR about the difficulties she is having?

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 22:33:17

Thank you everyone... I know, Talking to the MD is a bad idea... and i won't all it'll do is make a bad situation worse. And the HR department is the Finance Directors PA...... its a small outfit with designs of arrogant grandeur. She had enough problems with taking religious holidays let alone talking about incompetent bulling toxic employees.

I would personally prefer my first option... but I can't give DW the added stress of being collared by the plods...

She's having a great deal of difficulty just managing her existing staff let along sorting her own issues she's very backwards at coming forwards for herself..

ceeveebee Thu 15-Nov-12 22:40:57

If her deputy is incompetent, she needs to go through a performance review process with him/her and set objectives for improvement, which if not met can result in dismissal. That part is within her own control

EdithWeston Thu 15-Nov-12 22:57:35

She knows more about her workplace and what is possible than you do. You can't fix this for her.

I think what she would appreciate is your support. It must be crushing and hurtful to be dealing with this day in day out. I'd want my home to be the place where I was valued and listened to, my hurt recognised and soothed, and all the other things in my life recognised and appreciated.

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 22:57:36

Ah! the director won't go for that... and he's his favourite as he's the workplace bully... especially to the black guys.... its a very very toxic environment

worklifedifficult Thu 15-Nov-12 23:00:49

EdithWeston which is why I'm asking here rather than bugging her and making a bad situation worse. I do the support bit.

Thanks all sorry I have individually thanked you, your advice is very appriciated... In a nutshell I should listen but do nuttin until she asks for something concrete.

StillSquiffy Fri 16-Nov-12 12:37:09

Your DW needs to work out and put in place her own solutions, you can't do that for her. And if you suggest solutions which she doesn't then act on she may feel worse because she'll think she's letting you down on top of everything else. So trying to help her 'fix' it might be counter-productive

As much as you want to actively help, the best you can do is comfort her, tell her she's great and understand the fall-outs that happen at home because of this.

worklifedifficult Fri 16-Nov-12 19:41:08

cool ok I understand thanks for that

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