Starting to regret resignation--but I was bullied fgs!!

(10 Posts)
Mycatcoco Mon 29-Oct-12 12:48:53

Thanks for reading, I will try to make long story short. I retrained 5 years ago and quickly found the perfect job--part time, near home, nice people--so I thought. One member of staff instantly took against me and I realised after much abuse on a daily basis that I had encountered a bully for the first time in my life. This was very obvious to everyone else at work too and in fact my boss approached me and said "the bully is jealous of you and we've noticed her treating you badly, are you ok?". I am very nervous of confrontation and I initially tried to ignore it hoping it would go away. It didn't. I then complained to my boss who was initially very supportive. But.........it is very hard to prove bullying and ultimately a huge pile of paper was dumped on me and I was told I would have to make a case against her myself. I could not face the stress of doing so. My health started to suffer and in February this year I resigned. I have been invited back as a contractor from time to time but just can't face it. Here's the point....I know I did the right thing....I protected myself and got out of the situation. However, I loved that job and the bully has won on some level. In the end, I became the problem as my boss was more and more frustrated at not being able to fix the bully and just wanted me to shut up about it. I am having a hard time getting past this. It's all so unfair but if I had my time over again I am not sure what else I could have done. Once I took steps to object and complain the bully just hated me more and there was no going back. I guess going off sick with stress was an option, but it's not my style (no offence). I think what bothers me most it that middle management have no idea why I left. There was no exit interview. Is it too late to ask for one?

Piffpaffpoff Mon 29-Oct-12 16:31:58

I think you have to chalk it up to experience and move on. I had a similar situation years ago where I was bullied, everyone knew the bully was a bully, and nothing was done about it. I left, to go to another job which I loved so it all worked out ok. The bully just moved on to another target. However, I still occasionally go over it all in my head and wonder if I could have done anything differently. I don't think I could have, but I can't quite find my peace with it.

In my case, I did go off with stress and I did tell them why. Nothing changed though. Be kind to yourself, it's a horrible thing to have gone through.

flowery Mon 29-Oct-12 20:08:16

I would be very surprised if middle mgt don't know. You said yourself your boss was fully aware so I really wouldn't be concerned that its not on the radar. It will be. You need to focus on what's best for you going forward, and I would suggest leaving this behind you is probably the best bet, and concentrating on what comes next for you.

Mycatcoco Mon 29-Oct-12 21:31:43

Thanks piff and flowery. You both have good points. I just wonder if the bullies ever get what's coming. From stories on here, I think it's rare.

mirry2 Mon 29-Oct-12 21:38:22

I was bullied as well. managment knew about it and she had a reputation for being evil to people. I was off sick with stress and my managers were very supportive but still weren't prepared to tackle her behaviour. I eventually resigned and it took a long time to put it behind me. Like you, I thnk about it sometimes and wonder if I could have done anything differently as I resigned from a good, well paid job. She got her comeuppance in the end as she was prosecuted for fraud (work related)

A shame your boss didn't do more to support you. I have also been in the situation - forced to resign due to bullying by Team Leader, then guess what restruturing demoted him, he was rude to woman who got his TL job, (Had a 'meltdown' in front of whole office apparently) who promptly took a grievance out against him . . . then when HR tried to discuss it with him he had another meltdown - and HR took out a grievance against him themselves !
Two weeks later he resigned to 'follow different career options.' Last I heard he was still unemployed (had a number of jobs following but didn't last . . . wonder why ?) Anyway, this person WILL get their comeuppance one day. . .

Mycatcoco Wed 31-Oct-12 12:27:12

Thanks kiwi. I think the hardest part if all this is that somehow I think it is all my fault. Logically I know I did nothing wrong, but still think that way. At least I am clear on one thing--the bully does not have my lovely DH or DC or lovely house etc. "living well is the best revenge" as someone (famous?) once said!

Hi Mycat- Ok it is definitely NOT your fault.
Yeah I also meant to say in prev post that I bet the bully at your prev work is not popular both at work and in their life . . . and I bet you are.
I remember at a prev workplace there was this b*tch who bullied others (not me) and when she left she had been there 7 years yet no one wanted to do a collection for her leaving present - and she told me she 'couldn't be bothered' having leaving drinks as was the tradition there. Hmmm I think she knew no one would want to go !
Sounds like you have the right attitude re moving on - good luck for the future smile

stressgoaway Mon 12-Nov-12 20:06:33

Hi MyCat I am currently in your position and being targeted by the work bully and again everyone knows but no one dare say a word as they dont want to become the target. I truly hope that karma does come around one day and I do believe that I will move on to bigger and better things but it is so soul destroying when you are in that environment and do your best to have everything taken away by one nasty person. I feel sick going into work every day and try to pity them and laugh at their behaviour in order to feel better about what is going on.

Ask for the exit interview what will you lose? Does anybody know any place to get advice on workplace bullying?

MOSagain Wed 14-Nov-12 09:39:01

A horrible situation to be in.
My DH was bullied at work for many years and finally had enough and resigned. We felt so strongly about it as it had happened to so many other people that we commenced proceedings in the ET for constructive dismissal as we wanted to try to ensure it didn't keep happening to other people.

It was a very stressful few months but we settled out of court and the bully has now been 'dispensed with'. We never really found out what happened to him but seemingly he took 'early retirement'.

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