Affected by Dementia? We have a new Talk topic specifically for Dementia, please do pop over and take a look

Visit the Dementia Talk topic

Well the mil has moved in with us

(10 Posts)
Laceybean Mon 01-Aug-16 23:05:33

After my dh stepfather passed away his mum announced she wants to move near her family ie us
We ignored this for a while but then she said she was putting her house one the market and we will need to help her find a property near us (she's 81)
Found her a bargain bungalow a couple of streets away but it needs some work doing.
She's been with us for 3 weeks now and I am ready for her to move on now.
She doesn't give us any space whatsoever, she makes barbed comments about my teenage daughters, is very pessimistic which brings everyone down and is increasingly demanding sometimes for things she can organise herself.
We are a laid back happy family and willing to help her get settled and organise for the work to get done despite both working full time and my daughters also studying and working but ultimately want her to be happy and settled.
It does seem a thankless task sometimes though, she is quite wealthy but refers to being a destitute, writes down in a book every penny spent and insists we fetch her a mini statement 3 times a week so she can check her account off.
It also irks that she expects us to do these things for her as our duty, which tbh I would for my dad as he's helped, supported and nurtured me through life, whereas my mil asked my dh to leave home when he was 16 as she was moving away and wouldn't take him with her, meaning her had to find a job and a bed sit.
Anyway rant over, does it get any better? I'm sure I'll like her again when she's moved in

VioletBam Tue 02-Aug-16 04:04:52

Use humour as a shield. Imagine you're in a sitcom and she's the cantankerous old biddy in the corner...like Father Jack but female.

Can you get her to sign up for online banking? That would make your job easier. Sell it to her as "I don't suppose you'll want to do this...I'd have to arrange for you to see your statements anyway..but you can check your statements at home if you have this new online service that's free"

And see what she says. Send back the barbed comments with a little laugh and "Oh to be perfect eh!?"

Laceybean Tue 02-Aug-16 07:07:42

That's great advice, I think I have been doing that this week.
She's started talking about my husband in the third person - she said 'doesn't he like vegetables?' Whilst he was sat next to her, I said 'No, but you're his mother, you never got him to eat his vegetables, my girls eat anything' with a smile and she stopped talking.

What is also quite funny is that she says she's kept so healthy due to a healthy diet with no added sugar 'I don't eat sweet things, I don't have a sweet tooth' when she has asked me to start buying cakes and biscuits (which I didn't really do before) and she has both cake and biscuits everyday. Her cupboards at home used to consist of 2 X tins spam, 2 X tins red salmon and 2 X tins of ham and 2 slices of bread bringing out the freezer every morning. She must think she's on her blooming holidays !!!

Laceybean Tue 02-Aug-16 07:12:32

She would never sign up for telephone banking and definitely not Internet banking. She still uses cheques regularly and monitors them daily until they're cashed complaining if someone doesn't pay them in straightaway as it's messing up her banking,
She's been trying to get me to find her polished teak furniture for her bedroom and I had to tell her shops no longer have this the only way I'd get it is to get in a time machine !! Oak it is then lol 😂😂😂

seaviewplease Tue 02-Aug-16 07:31:01

Oh dear, no advice, sorry. I give you sympathy though. I have a MIL just like yours and her weekly visit is enough for me. Very liberal with her views on just about everything, happily expressed and much cringing from us. Deaf too so all responses have to be repeated 3 times. Oh ....

I would be climbing the walls by now in your position especially fetching the blinking statements for her to pour over. The sugar issue did make me smile confused.

Laceybean Tue 02-Aug-16 09:11:23

Haha sympathy is fine 😂 So far my beautiful bathroom has a 'piddly useless little sink' well she is trying to wash her hair in it !! My phone is faulty as its quiet and she can't hear people (she's in denial partially deaf) my French doors are useless because she can't reach the catch on them, the window handles and dishwasher door are too stiff !! Ooh also my eggs have very pale yolks whereas her neighbour used to fetch her free range from the farm - ooh and finally she keeps dying she has no one to look after her and the doctor looked at her to suggest she shouldn't be out unsupervised !!!

YvaineStormhold Tue 02-Aug-16 09:19:44

You have the patience of a saint.

Don't buy the cakes and biscuits.
Don't fetch her bank statements.

If she gets too comfortable, you'll never get rid.

seaviewplease Tue 02-Aug-16 09:25:21

Oh. Gawd.
Are you grinning and bearing?
I really struggle and have to disappear to stop myself exploding (inner child problems).
The open airing of views really are staggering. My MIL is a lovely lady BUT she does like to draw attention to each of our physical flaws....jaw dropping comments about weight, facial hair (teenage boys), grey hair.

I think you have probably already earned that medal for DIL of the year.

So WHEN will her bloody bungalow be ready?

Laceybean Tue 02-Aug-16 09:51:00

Haha, I go to the gym and am usually a little unmotivated, now I am much more into going - I keep making excuses to go here there and anywhere to have a breather.

I should definitely get an award.

I just can't wait to be eating an odd meal in front of the telly and slob around a bit.

The bungalow should be ready in two weeks, progress hampered by her insisting on go info pick everything herself despite her only being able to walk about 30 paces (waiting for knee replacement).

I have to laugh though wondering what a 'shouldn't be out and about unsupervised 'look' is like' 🙄 🙃😳

seaviewplease Tue 02-Aug-16 18:39:19

Intenseconfused.

I think you have nerves of steel. Well tested here.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now