I need your perspective please. I am an only child living in same town as parents. I am married ,have 4 children and recently gave up work due to health issues. My Dad 85, was diagnosed with advanced cancer at Christmas, and is now (contently), in a local nursing home. My mother, 70, visits him daily, as do I. I have always known that they both depend on me for all things but they have always been a v close couple.
Since my father's diagnosis, my mother has totally fallen apart and I deal with doctors, nursing home as she is "not able for it" . I visit my dad every morning and my mum visits every afternoon/evening. She Rings Me Every Night With Blow My Blow Account of what he ate , said etc. I have my own health problems and am finding it increasingly difficult to deal with the intense weight on my shoulders. I feel my 4 children are pulling me one way and my parents/guilt pulling me the other way.
Last month I reached crisis point (mentally) and we decided to go on sun holiday for 2 weeks. I made sure my dad was sett led in home and my mother had in laws, friend to call on her. I felt I needed to focus on husband and kids. After 2 days (I called my mum and nursing home daily) my mum said my dad was getting week er and she was v nervous that he was going downhill fast. After a few days I asked her if she would preferred if we came home (we were in portugal), and she said we should. So we got earlier flight and all came home week early.
Since we got back my Dad has rallied around but I feel I'm back on treadmill again. I am supposed to have more surgery for gone problem s, but my mum said she hoped I wasn't going to be out of action as I am needed! I never saw my mum as selfish but she has always had my Dad to mind her and I suppose she is frightened of being alone.
I can't help feeling laden down. I have chronic pain and often have days when I find dealing with my own kids difficult, never mind my parents on top of it. Last night my mum rang to tell me that she hadn't slept in 2 nights as my Dad's bed had been moved in room and he was confused, and I wasn't there to make decision of where bed should be!! I was on holiday.
I know this is going to get worse as Dad deteriorates. Am I selfish to be feeling resentful? How can I stay positive and on top of things?
So sorry for long post but feel I cannot talk to anyone (as am always so strong and capable! )
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Elderly parents
Only child to elderly parents.
23 replies
val4 · 14/07/2015 18:05
OP posts:
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